Sit Back And Enjoy These Insults That People Are Saying Are Some Of The Best They've Ever Heard
Sometimes, you hear someone deliver such a brutal comeback that there's simply no response. Maybe you're the one delivering it! Either way, it can be very satisfying.
U/That_moonlight recently asked the people of Reddit, "What is the best insult response you've ever heard?" Some of these are pretty good — but also, as we enjoy these, let's also try to be a little bit nicer to each other, too:
1."My dad always tells people, 'I’m not as dumb as I look.' He said this to someone in passing one day, who replied, 'No one could possibly be that dumb.' To this day, he tells me it was such a sick burn that he was left speechless."
—u/dotskee
2."My teacher once told a kid who kept adding the silliest comments to the discourse, 'You make it really difficult to underestimate you.' He mistook that for a compliment because he didn't understand what it meant."
—u/dandfwofe
3."I was in a US Army Airborne Unit going through Special Forces Jumpmaster School. I was one of the few Maroon Berets among a crowd of Green Berets. I was walking to the mess hall when a Green Beret said, 'Hey, my wife has a pair of panties the same color as your beret.' Without missing a beat, I said, 'Yeah, I know.' His pals started ripping on him, and he couldn't come up with anything other than, 'Damn, good one.' That was 34 years ago. We are still friends."
—u/Distwalker
4."My ex-mother-in-law was once having a go at me, and she said, 'You used to be a nice person.' I snapped back with, 'Well, at least I was once.' I'm still proud of that."
—u/lindbladlad
5."'The lord wasted a good asshole when he put teeth in that guy’s mouth.' I’m not religious, but that stuck with me."
—u/Eh-Eh-Ronn
6."A bully at school was staring holes at this brainy kid behind him, throwing spitballs at him and trying to get his attention. Eventually, the kid looks up, and the bully leans back in his chair toward the kid's desk, gets in his face, and aggressively hisses, 'What the FUCK do you think you're looking at!?' We thought the kid would piss himself, but he just calmly cocked his head and replied, 'I was just asking myself that, but if you don't know, how the fuck am I supposed to?'"
—u/Keffpie
7."When I was an intern, there was a chief resident who had a temper problem. He was a very smart and talented surgeon, so he tended to get away with being an asshole a little too much at times. One night, we had a patient who coded, and I was in the room watching this chief lose his shit until one of the older ICU nurses just stared him dead in the eyes and said, 'Oh, big feelings, buddy! Do you need a hug?' He went so fucking red, and just kind of melted out of the room like Homer going into the bushes, and we carried on with the code."
—u/dr_cl_aphra
8."When I was 16 years old, I pleaded with my father to take my friends and I to watch American Pie. Dad: 'Okay, so what's the story?' Me: 'A bunch of high school pals attempting to become sexually open.' Dad: 'I can watch that at home.'"
—u/few29er
9."I told someone that they made a compelling argument for life after brain death."
10."If someone says, 'I think you’re an asshole,' a good response is, 'I don’t think of you at all.'"
11."Guy at a bar says, 'You look better without your glasses.' Me: 'You look better without my glasses, too.'"
12."My youngest cousin told my oldest cousin, 'You look like you know which color crayon tastes the best,' and I have not recovered six years later."
13."My ex-boss to a very difficult client that he ultimately fired: 'I'm surprised your brain reminds you to breathe.'"
14."When I was a kid, we kept getting calls asking if we were the donkey stables in the middle of dinner. One of us kids had to answer the phone. After a couple of weeks of constant interruptions, my dad decided to answer the next call. Caller: 'Is this the donkey stable?' Dad: 'Yes, it is, but the ass is on the other end.' No more calls."
—u/Tassy820
15."I usually say, 'You have the rest of your life to be an a-hole — why not take today off?' It usually stuns them into silence."
16."A friend of my mom's was being hit on by some sleazy guy who thought he was God's gift. She told him, 'I've crawled over better looking guys than you just to play with myself!'"
—u/Wise_Ad_4816
17."I once overheard a girl arguing with her bf, and he said, 'I guess I’m just some douche,' to which she replied, 'No, you’re not a douche. A douche can get me wet.' I’m sure my snorting laughter from the next aisle aided his embarrassment."
18."Some junior employee in his first week managed to insult me, the CEO, and the IT architect in a single sentence. Before I knew it, I blurted out, 'Since when do we have daycare in this place?' Kid lost his shit and got fired."
—u/Jertimmer
19."The Jerk Store called — they're runnin' out of YOU."
—u/MadMelvin
Agree? Disagree? Have your own additions? See you in the comments!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
