20 Pieces Of Life Advice From People Over Thirty That, As Someone In My Twenties, I'm Burning Into My Brain Now
Please tell me if this is a mutual feeling: I feel like I spent my entire teens thinking that I knew everything. Now that I'm in my twenties, I'm finally surrendering to (and enjoying) the reality that I actually don't know anything, and that's kind of neat. What this also means is that I've become a little sponge, trying to absorb as many lessons and words of advice as I can. And sometimes the best pieces of advice can come from people who have the experience to tell you what actually matters.
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1."Most of the time, people are focused on themselves and their own lives. This is hard, in that it means the folks close to you might not prioritize you the way you want them to and probably don't know what you need from them unless you tell them, but I think it's also helpful and comforting. It means that most folks aren't hyper-focusing on the weird shit you say and do in the way you are about yourself."
2."For me, you can’t do it all alone. I used to be really private about my struggles, even though I have a lot of close family and friends. I never wanted to burden anyone, always coped on my own. This was a hard lesson for me because I’ve always been stubborn and independent, but I would eventually implode. Now, I try to lean into people that are supportive as much as possible."
3."After a certain point, people don't change. Take them as they are, or don't. But don't waste time trying to change them."
4."The power of self validated intimacy in a relationship. Once I began to implement this into my own life, everything got so much better and I felt as if I could really show up for my partner."
5."Life is very expensive. Even if you make efforts to save and don't have kids, the base cost of housing, cars, groceries, utilities, etc. can make it difficult."
6."What other people think/say about me is none of my business and is completely a reflection of them and not me"
7."Even people who you thought were your best friends can leave in an instant. Try not to take it to heart, even though it can be an incredibly shitty feeling."
8."I spent my entire life going out of my way to help people and after decades of never having that returned once, I decided that putting myself first doesn’t make me a shitty person. It just means I’m putting my wants and needs first and then helping when I can."
9."No one really knows what they are doing. I used to look at 40-year-olds and think they had it all together as a child. We don’t, I don’t. Life is constantly changing, I’m constantly learning. But, I still fundamentally have no idea what it’s like to be a 'grown-up.' I’m just a woman trying her best most days."
10."Not liking confrontation isn't ever a valid excuse. No one likes confrontation. Sometimes you've got to push through the discomfort and say what needs to be said."
11."I'm 35 and this is my body now. I'm never going to look like I did when I was 19 and that's okay."
12."That people you love will die. We all know death is an inevitable part of life but there is a difference between observing and actually understanding what deep grief is like. It gives you a major reality check when you lose people you love. You suddenly understand in the depths of your soul the truth in things like 'all we have is now' and 'don’t take a single moment for granted.' Basically, getting older has shown me that life is absolutely precious and we should spend as much time as we can just loving each other and appreciating all of the little moments we tend to take for granted."
13."Adults are lying to themselves a lot. It’s a coping strategy for many, but for some, it’s truly an education-level issue. It’s mind-boggling. I mentally say 'those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still' many times a day."
14."Self-deprecating humor isn’t a cute personality quirk anymore, it’s just sad. I lost my father a few months after turning 30, and now I can’t help but think to myself 'I can’t let him hear me talk this way about his little girl.' And now I’m thinking a lot more positively, too."
15."It is not my job to fix what's broken with someone, not even if we're friends since we were kids. Not even if you're my sibling. Not even if you have a great excuse for your bad behavior. Not even if your behavior isn't 'that bad.' I don't have to fix it."
16."It's never too late to start again. You can change your life if you want to but it'll probably be hard. I think a lot of people don't make changes because those changes [can] take months to years to come to fruition and it seems overwhelming. Start small and keep going. You can change your life, no one else is going to do it for you. It will be worth it."
