People Are Revealing "Unwritten Rules" Of A First Date That Everyone Should Know, And It's Actually Insightful
Dating can be fun, insightful, and, sometimes, a little bit of a train wreck. And if you're curious to know what you should ACTUALLY do — or not do — on a first date, the internet's got you covered.
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The other day, redditor u/Quotedkarma asked, "What's an unspoken rule on a first date?" People shared their crucial first-date rules — and the stories behind them — and whether you're new to dating or an experienced dater, you'll want to take notes. Here are some of the top-voted responses:
1."Don't order any extras plates to eat at home with your mom when the other is paying."
"My husband said that years before he met me, he went on a lunch date with a woman. She wanted to go to Olive Garden, so he obliged. This woman had FOUR bowls of the endless soup or whatever they call it, and then orders her entrée to go because 'that's how you get 'em!' There was no second date."
2."Take it easy with the perfume/cologne. Your date shouldn't smell you before they see you."
3."[Don’t drink too much.] I had a date and within the first 90 minutes, they had taken, like, three shots and were on their third drink. I understand wanting to calm your nerves, but damn. The whole 'You need to play catch up LOL' isn't as cute as you think it is."
"We did not go on any other dates."
4."Don't go to the movies or a fancy dinner on your first date if you don't already know this person. The movies is a place where you sit in silence for two hours staring straight ahead. That does not give you any opportunity to get to know the other person. A sit-down dinner can be perfectly fine, but if you know within the first 10 minutes that you have no desire to spend any more time in this person's presence, you're stuck through the rest of the meal."
"First dates should always be intentionally short with an option to extend. Coffee, froyo, drinks, things that can turn into an hour of talking, or 'would you like to grab a bite to eat?'"
5."[Both people should know it's a date.] I made this mistake the other day; apparently, the guy didn't realize it was a date until I went to give him a kiss. He thought we were just going to go watch a movie as friends, despite us meeting on a dating app."
6."Never make the other person carry the conversation. You're both here to make an effort and give each other the respect. If you both want different things, then let it be said after. No need to hurt someone's self-respect for your ego."
7."Don't be on your phone the whole time. And don't talk about your ex."
"On my first date with my boyfriend in 2022, we went to a restaurant that had QR code menus, aka, you pull it up on your phone. So, I sit down, scan the thing, and am scrolling through the menu on my phone while still chitchatting with him. After a few minutes, he goes, 'What are you looking at your phone?' in a kind of bothered tone, and I’m like, 'The menu...' and show him my screen. He had never been to a restaurant with a QR code menu before, so he thought I was being rude and just playing on my phone! I still feel so bad about it."
8."Self-deprecating humor can be exhausting to listen to if that's your only form of humor. It seems like you don't value yourself that much, and it's not really funny — just awkward."
9."Don’t treat it like a job interview."
"Unless you already know the person pretty well, you're probably going to have a lot of questions for each other to get to know the other person. Let the conversation flow naturally, perhaps a question here and there that opens up a larger conversation and gets a little deeper, or something fun and light-hearted about hobbies or interests. What you want to avoid is asking a rapid-fire line of questions about the person’s job, family, home, commute, hobbies, etc. Of course, a date is a chance to find out if you’re compatible, but if the two people are not able to hold a natural and enjoyable conversation, then they’re probably not compatible to begin with."
10."[Don't bring a friend.] A guy did this to me last year! We are in our 30s. He tried to pretend he didn't know his friend was going to be there, but I literally saw them talking in the parking lot when I got there. There was no second date."
11."Don't add pressure to the date — make it all about having a good time for the both of you. Do something fun that will get you talking naturally."
12."If you do talk about exes, make sure the information you’re giving is beneficial for both of you. Don’t vent."
"I spoke about my ex, and she spoke about hers; we were both divorced after 15-year marriages. We have been tougher for seven years now. What you say about your ex is the key."
13."Put your best foot forward. Shower, shave, and you know that nice aftershave your aunt got you that you've never touched? Now's the time to crack that out! You have no idea how much smelling nice helps!"
14."I don’t care how well it’s going or how much we click, please do not force yourself on me. I’ve had quite a few awkward first dates where the guy came into it expecting sex and made a move on me without even asking first."
"That has ended some dates very quickly."
15."If you’re asking someone out on a date, be prepared to pay for both of you, and then, offer to pay for both of you. If they insist on paying, then fine, but be prepared to pay regardless."
"If someone asks you out on a date (or on any kind of outing, romantic or platonic), always assume that they’re not paying for you. Make sure you can afford your side of the date and actually try to pay for it. If they plan on paying, they’ll let you know, especially if they see you pull out your wallet."
16."Dress according to the kind of date you're having. Don't dress too formal or too casual."
And finally...
17."For me, it's simple. Don't act. Don't pretend. If they like you, cool. If they don't, cool. The worst scenario is to pretend to be someone else and if they happen to be the one for you, you will have to pretend your whole life."
"And it's not a happy life, because deep down, you are miserable because you are only pretending — and you know they fell for the persona you have created."
What are some other "unspoken rules" of first dates? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
