People Are Paying Thousands Of Dollars For Altoid's Discontinued Sour Mints
In the center console of my first car (@Elvis, I miss you every day), there were never not three teenage driving essentials: a $10 version of the sunglasses Robert Pattinson wore in Twilight, one of those old cords that hooked your iPod up to your radio, and Altoid Sours, the mango flavor. Each of these things served a specific purpose, which was basically to make me feel cool, sound cool, and have something really cool to offer people who were cooler than me who rode in my car, respectively.
I miss all of these things very much.
And while I can still go out and buy a cheap pair of sunglasses that don't look good on me or manage to connect my Spotify to my speakers, I cannot, try as I might, purchase my beloved Altoid Sours, mango-flavored or otherwise (if you remember, they came in mango, tangerine, lime, raspberry, and apple varieties). Unless I'm willing to pay $1,500, that is.
The indisputably cool, suuuper sour hard candies were reportedly discontinued in 2010, a mere six years after they first came into my angsty early-teen life. They were the perfect transition from Warheads (a sour candy for babies, obv) and Sour Patch Kids (it was OK to eat those, but only really in a movie theater setting) to bonafide grown-up suckers. What screamed "THIS IS AN ADULT RIGHT HERE" harder than someone who had readily accessible candy that not everyone could physically handle? The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Why would the company-one that will absolutely never die, their Curiously Strong Mints will live forever, etc., etc.-disavow something that was so formative in so many kids' lives? Well, the short answer is money (they pointed to "low national demand" via Bustle back in 2015). The long answer is they did not ask the vaguely cool teens in northeast Jersey circa '06-'09 if they'd break all of their fucking hearts by doing so. I just asked, like, four of my best high school friends. We are all still in agreement: We remain very sad about this!
And, sure, yeah, I could go ahead and pay that $1,500 for a few fleeting packs of glorious, sweet-n-sour nostalgia, but what then? I'll tell you what: I spiral into a deep dark hole of wishing it were 2008 again, without being able to extricate myself once I'm through my eight extremely old Sour Altoid containers that I bought off an eBay stranger. I'd come out of my sour-induced delusion more depressed than ever that it is 2019 and I don't have any mature-yet-fun sour candies to destroy and share with friends. I'm sorry, Smith & Company, but regular Altoids just don't cut it! Those are for extremely old people, not mid-twenty-somethings! Ugh!
So, uh. Yeah. Bring back Sour Altoids. Sour Altoids or bust. Sour Altoids or nothing. Sour Altoids or death. Or at least, like, Sour Altoids or WORLDWIDE TEENAGE REBELLION. Idk. Just bring 'em back. Pls.
('You Might Also Like',)
