"I Felt Like A Phony And Poser" And 17 Other Very Honest Stories By People Who Married Into Faith
We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their stories about marrying into faith. Here are their most interesting submissions:
Note: Some submissions are from these Reddit threads.
1."My dad converted to Mormonism for my mom, because my grandfather would not allow him to marry her if he didn't. He was raised a strict Catholic and went to church every Sunday, but when his mother left the family, they stopped going and went for Christmas Eve and Easter only. He didn't care, as he never felt a connection with any church, so converting was not an issue. It was only afterward that he learned just how Mormon my mom's family was, and he had to put on a suit and tie every Sunday and sit through four hours of church. He hated it."
"His biggest gripe was missing football during the season. My siblings and I were raised Mormon as well, and I hated it. They divorced when I was 11, and he just gave it all up, and we stopped going to church when I was around 13 or so. My dad has since remarried and went back to being Catholic since his wife is. No conversion was needed. He said it was like riding a bike!"
2."My grandmother converted for my grandfather. In the country town of Beaudesert, an hour outside Brisbane, it was basically required for her to convert from Lutheran to Catholicism before she married my grandfather. Years went by, and she was more committed to her newfound religion than my grandfather ever was. I don’t think she ever regretted it."
Lifetime
3."My wife is Muslim, and I converted to Islam before marrying her. I was raised agnostic, so no family grief to deal with. It wasn't a deal breaker for my wife either, but it made things easier with her family and especially made her grandmother happy. It helps that I had some strange religious experiences when I was younger that are compatible with Islam, so when I recited the Shahada I meant it, but probably not from the same perspective as the Imam who was helping me. In terms of the practicalities, the Imam just showed me around the mosque, went over the basic religious pillars and ritual practices, and then asked me if I agreed with the very basic beliefs and asked me to recite a phrase. All in all, it was over about two hours after I stumbled into the mosque to enquire about the process and how I should proceed."
4."My mum was Muslim and converted out of Islam when she married my dad, who is Catholic. I was raised without religion. My Muslim relatives who married out of their religion all converted their wives to Islam from Buddhists and Catholics. Their wives only converted for show. I have some super-devout relatives that do sneer at first, but it does wane in time."
5."My first husband’s father was a Baptist minister, but I was raised Catholic. I knew it was important to his family, so I converted to Baptist, even getting re-baptized. However, I felt like a phony and poser the entire time. I even taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, and some of the stuff I had to say I didn’t believe at all. Even after my divorce, I stayed because I thought it would confuse my kids to leave. After the music minister decided to blackball me and I couldn’t get anyone to help me, I realized without any kind of hierarchy, these pastors could do whatever they wanted, and you had no recourse for getting help or justice. I left. I went back to the Catholic Church. I joined choir within the first couple of weeks, and the first song we practiced was one called, 'I’m Finally Home,' and I knew I was."
—Anonymous
6."This has happened to my maternal grandmother. She was Hindu of the Brahmin caste, and back in the '30s and '40s that meant a big deal and her family was well respected. She had four other sisters, and they were pretty popular in the village for their beauty. My grandmother being the oldest caught the eye of my grandfather. He was Muslim. His family was normal middle class, but he was the only one who graduated from university and became a successful engineer. To marry my grandfather, she had to convert to Islam. She changed her name from Laxmi to Ayesha, and her entire family was outcasted as a result. She was well educated and was also a talented musician. She used to sing for the radio, but my grandfather prohibited music, as it was considered a sin in Islam but was highly revered in Hindu culture."
"She was pretty depressed about that, and to make it worse my grandfather ended up cheating on her and married another woman, leaving her to care for six children alone. She became more depressed over time and took that out and vented to her kids. My mom was smart and independent and left the family as soon as she could, but her siblings suffered after my grandfather left. This all happened before I was born, but my uncles are still suffering because of this incident. Both my grandparents passed away before I met them, but their story is pretty tragic."
7."My grandma converted for my grandfather, and it was a non-issue. She converted from being Protestant to Catholic. Their agreement was that he would bring the kids to Mass, and she would never go."
8."I was raised Catholic and attended mass every week. My fiancé was Anglican (similar to Episcopalian in the US), and his mother was very prejudiced against Catholics. It occurred to me that if I dug in my heels I was no better than her. As it turned out, the Anglican Church isn’t very different, and I have really enjoyed my experiences as a choir member and made many dear friends over the past 35 years. I’ve never regretted the decision."
9."I converted to Judaism before I married my husband, who was born Jewish. I was raised, very loosely, in a Congregational church, aka super liberal, and I still never felt a connection to Christianity. I knew my husband's parents would prefer I convert, but they never, ever pressured me or made me feel like an outsider. After attending High Holiday services (during which I did the full fast for Yom Kippur), I approached their family’s Rabbi and inquired about conversion courses. I have zero regrets and feel generally very accepted in my new faith. We are raising our children Jewish, and the only struggle for me is that I can’t relate to their childhood experiences with the holidays because I grew up with different ones. But it’s fine because we get to work as a family to make each holiday our own."
10."I dated and got pregnant by a Christian. As a pregnant atheist, I tried to get involved in the church because it was the way my boyfriend grew up. He quickly stopped going to church, not after we got called 'fornicators' by his evangelical mother or any of the other names from his family for our pregnancy out of wedlock. He stopped going to church when I greeted the pastor of the church we were going to with 'Happy Father’s Day' because it was Father’s Day and he had children. He told me the only father was Jesus and he’s just a dad, so I should say happy daddy’s day. My pregnant ass left, feeling like I messed up some code greeting. My now-husband never went back to church, and sometimes I blame myself."
—Anonymous
11."My spouse was raised deeply ingrained in one of the more cult-like denominations of Christianity. They attended private religious schools and overall lived a very sheltered life within his church. They were only taught of the wrath of God and fear of being damned if they didn’t follow specific rules. When we first met, I told him I was a nondenominational Christian. They had never heard of that! They believed their denomination — the only 'right' one — against all others. After we had been dating for a while, conversations came up as to how we could marry with our deferring beliefs because I absolutely could not get on board with theirs."
"They began critically reflecting on their beliefs and church, finding it to be more hate-fueled and rule-based than biblical. Unfortunately, this uncovered deep trauma inflicted on them by both the church and their family. They denounced their membership to their church and took a hiatus from any church as they did their own research. Now years into being married, they identify as being a nondenominational Christian. We both had to redefine what being a nondenominational practitioner is to us, as we heavily disagree with the politically fueled hateful modern-day church culture, but we’re happy!"
—Anonymous
12."I didn’t grow up in a religious household, but I remember always being curious about God, Jesus, and the stories that I came across in the books at my friends’ houses. By the time I was a teenager, I considered myself a Christian but didn’t know what denomination I belonged in. Why were there even denominations, and shouldn’t there just be ONE church? I tried going to mega churches that were non-denominational, but it felt like the messaging was lost in the glam and theatrics of the concerts. I had a hard time wrapping my head around these multi-millionaire pastors who became rockstars amongst the congregation and lived lives of luxury. So I left."
"I tried going to a Mormon church but felt it was too oppressive. I tried traditional Baptist churches but couldn’t agree with the teaching that everyone went to Heaven so long as they accepted Jesus. I really longed to attend a church that was as close to possible as the first churches established by the apostles. When I met my husband, I had never heard of Orthodox Christianity. After years of searching for a church home, I decided to try out a Sunday service. It felt like home, and it has been ever since I met my husband nearly eight years ago. The incense, the chanting of hymns, and the bluntness of the priest explaining how you can’t just say a prayer and expect to go to Heaven really struck me. This was the truth I wanted."
—Anonymous
13."My sister-in-law converted for my brother-in-law. When they started getting serious, they both wanted to be in the same church before they got married. But the 'right one.' Obviously, they both thought theirs was right, so they went to my BIL's one Sunday, and my SIL's the next. They did this for weeks. They studied the scriptures together and talked about it often. Eventually, they chose my BIL's church, and she is very happy. She wholeheartedly believes in its leaders and the things they teach, so it worked out well. My SIL was Mormon and my BIL was just Christian, so it wasn't believing in a different God but sort of the same idea."
—Anonymous
14."I converted many years ago when I was thinking of getting married to a young lady. I did a lot of research on the religion, and as a lapsed Catholic, I found a lot of similarities. In the end, we did not marry, but I did end up marrying another Muslim lady, and we have been married for more than 30 years. I am not a good Muslim, as I still like a beer now and then. My wife doesn't object too much, and that is why we have survived together so long. If you marry a very religious person, then be prepared to have a major change in your life. I am not saying don't do it, but I would think about it very carefully."
15."My boyfriend and his family practice Hinduism. I'm from a Christian country, though we're not a practicing family. I've converted on paper to please his family. It basically means a very small percentage of my tax money now goes to a temple instead of a church. It does not affect my life at all day-to-day, and my soon-to-be in-laws are very happy. It's low effort, high reward for me. We 'practice' for 'tradition's' sake. We did Diwali celebrations earlier this year; it was my first time doing that, and I enjoyed the food!"
—u/[deleted]
16."I met my husband when we were in high school. We started dating after a year at 15 and 16. I spent many dinners, weekends, and holidays with his family because my home life was extremely chaotic. We married in our early 20s, and I decided to convert to his family’s religion, which was Reformed Judaism. We’re in our 30s now, and I’ve never not felt accepted as a Jew within his family, nor did I feel any pressure to convert. The only pushback I received was from my Baptist grandmother, who didn’t speak to me for a year after my wedding."
"I appreciate that our religion preaches science, education, acceptance, and change first, and the Torah and other practices and beliefs second. Nothing is pushed on you, and all are accepted into the community. It feels like a missing piece that I was missing in my childhood was put into place when I converted. We plan to send our daughter to the same after-school Hebrew school my husband attended, but will also allow her to opt out of any and all faith-based practices if she so chooses. I plan to be Bat Mitzvah’d myself in the coming years."
—Anonymous
17."My uncle was originally a freethinker but converted after marrying my aunt. To be frank, it's just on paper, and the most 'Muslim' thing he does is that he stopped eating pork."
18.And lastly, "I converted for the sake of my wife's parents, but I made it clear to her that I don't believe in any god, will never practice, and I am only doing it for the sake of her maintaining a good relationship with her parents. I personally don't care which 'club' I belong to, as long as I don't see any responsibilities from it."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
