People Who "Divorced Over Money" Are Sharing The Breaking Point That Ended Their Marriage, And It’s Wild
We recently asked the people of the BuzzFeed Community who divorced because of money to tell us what happened. Here are the shocking — and heartbreaking — results:
Note: Some submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/NewMaterialOnly.
1."This is terribly sad, but my friend's grandparents divorced so her ill grandma could qualify for more assistance — and so her grandpa wouldn't be stuck with medical bills when she passed."
2."My ex refused to work, even when I begged him to. We lived on my salary alone, and it was so hard. Eventually, I just snapped and asked for a divorce. It was clear that he wasn’t going to change, and I was tired of not having financial stability in my life. It’s been six months since I filed, and I already have more savings than we ever had as a couple."
"Turns out, you can achieve a lot when you aren’t subsidizing a man-child."
—37, US
3."I was married to my ex-husband for 10 years; we had three kids in that time. For half those years, I made considerably more than him. My money always went to pay bills, rent, etc. His was the food and 'fun money' or savings. He scored a really good job making twice what I made working for the studios, and it all changed. I was still paying for all the bills, but suddenly, his money was his money. He spent money as fast as he made it: going out, new truck parts, new dirt bikes, expensive clothes, etc. But when my son needed new soccer gear, he complained. When I spent too much money at the grocery store, he complained. When I got my hair done (once in six months), he flipped out."
"He even started treating his friends like they were lower than dirt because he made more money than them. We divorced for a variety of reasons, but money was one of the top three reasons. It changed him."
4."I made the mistake of getting married early at 19. My now ex-husband had been in college for two years prior to our marriage and said he was capable of living alone and that he needed to take care of our finances. For the next seven years, I lived in a state of complete financial stress. We never had enough money, but when I asked why, he would say that he knew what he was doing because he lived alone prior to us getting married. He had me sign up for unneeded student loans because we would lose our house or this, that, and the other. He had my mom cosign on a loan. I worked 60+ hours per week in college, but would stress over buying a $5 coffee once a month. We both graduated from college, earned over $80,000 (in 2008, that wasn't bad) per year, but I would still have to ask him if I could buy anything. I had to sell my clothes and things just to buy food."
"I'd have to call in sick to work because I couldn't put gas in my car. We were constantly called by bill collectors. Finally, I came home to our house being one week away from foreclosure. I stood my ground and made him give me access to our finances. I found out he was buying whatever he wanted but not paying for basic needs, like our house or electric. While I was constantly saying no to friends and coworkers who'd ask me out to lunch, he was always buying lunch for others while the lunch I made him rotted in his car. I wish I could say I left him right then, but it took a few months. His dishonesty and control of finances led to our divorce. When I finally moved out, I found that I could easily live on my one paycheck, buy things I wanted, AND put money in savings. It was truly liberating."
—36, Utah
5."Two years into our marriage, he was arrested for embezzlement. Never found out what he did with the money. He didn't put any of it in our joint account, and he certainly didn't pay off my credit card that he maxed out. He's worked for a few hotels as a general manager, and I've heard that he's left at least one in the middle of the night and never returned because he was questioned about money missing."
6."My ex and I had totally different ideas about when we had 'extra' money for non-essentials. I think it’s when all your bills are paid, your only debts are the mortgage and the car, and no major expenses are looming. My ex thought it was when he had a little extra credit available on one of his many cards. He was self-employed in a construction-related field, and I was a full-time employee at a tech company, socking money away in my 401K. He stole money from me three times, in different ways."
"Finally, one day, I got a clear look at him when he was fussing over some paperwork and thought, 'He’s entitled to half of everything I’ve set aside? No way!' Both our daughters were adults, and I just left and filed for divorce. Yeah, I had to pay him alimony, but I met my wonderful current husband, and we’ve been together nearly 20 years. One of the best decisions I’ve made. My daughters love my new husband; my ex remarried, and my daughters like their stepmom, and everything landed okay."
—70, California
7."Not me but my in-laws. They moved their family to a new city for a c-suite position for my father-in-law. However, upon arriving, the company went under, and he lost his job. FIL went back to their original home base and started selling assets. It was a huge hit to his ego, and being separated from his wife and children — in addition to the sense of failure — initiated a slow slide into divorce. He was never able to move past his 'failure,' and a few years later, asked for a divorce. Today, he's back to being a millionaire while his wife, who sold her business in order to move for this opportunity, had to start from the absolute bottom."
"They're still in love with one another after these 15 years, but unfortunately, he was never able to recover his sense of self in front of her."
8."Money wasn’t the sole reason I divorced, but it did cast a light on why I was in the marriage. He was a computer engineer for a very well-known tech company and made really good money. I didn’t have to work and could spend on whatever I wanted. I bought a new phone, shoes, purses, etc., but when he came home, I didn’t care for him to be there. I didn’t want to spend time with him. I realized money wasn’t worth staying in the relationship."
"I ended up leaving, moving back in with my parents, and getting a minimum-wage job, but I was so much happier even with less money."
—29, New York
9."I had just started my career and was saving as much as I could. She called me cheap because I always calculated how much I can afford to spend. And because I complained when I spent too much or when I asked her to at least participate in the spending — since she always offered to pay for her friends' drinks, but never offered to pay for dinner once when we were together. So, she left me because to her, I was cheap."
"Today, I am a millionaire, but the difference is, which is something I didn’t realize at the time, if being called cheap gets you here, it was worth it."
—Anonymous, Canada
10."As a stay-at-home mom, I didn't bring in any money. He had offered this arrangement to me before I moved in. His worst money mismanagement issues were him burning through his moderate six-figure income collecting comic book figurines — and then, in our final years, he used my credit card for the household and his own use without covering the balance. I found out by then he had stopped filing our taxes."
"I got out, took his most expensive figure (that he charged $6,000 on my card for), and paid off the card debt, but I'm still struggling to separate myself from the consequences of his tax evasion."
—36, California
11."My sister met this dude online, and she thought he had himself together. They married, and all of a sudden, he couldn’t keep a job and couldn’t pay the house taxes (even though, supposedly, he was paying them before); he wouldn’t spend money for actual necessities, like getting their car fixed, but would gamble at one of those slot machines in a dive bar. When that wasn’t enough, he would take her bank card while she was sleeping and sink a couple hundred in the slot machine. He would deny it or blow up when she confronted him."
"Real piece of work overall. They were only married for a couple of years; she’s been separated, and they are finalizing their divorce soon."
12."We had a joint bank account. Big mistake. I made all the money; he spent it. I'd go to pay a bill, only to find the account empty because he needed some game or a part for his ancient VW bus."
—Anonymous
13."She decided to cheat on me with multiple people, drained our savings, sold all of my stuff except a small amount of clothes, and ran up $10k+ in debt within a three-month period."
"We have a child, too, so with a baby and debt, it was like starting life over on hard mode."
14."During the 10 years we were together (married for six), he never held a job for very long. At first, I believed his excuses; it was never his fault, and I tried to be supportive — but it got to be too much. I got tired of him never taking responsibility for being late, being lazy, etc. The last two years we were married, I was working two jobs (one full-time and one part-time), and he was unemployed for about a year. Did he help at all around the house? Nope."
"I'd get home at 11 p.m. at night after having been gone since 7 a.m., and he'd demand dinner. Never did the laundry or cleaned anything. Spent all day playing video games and draining our bank account. I finally got smart and left."
—Anonymous
And finally...
15."My ex fell for an investment scam. He was 'investing' Bitcoin, but they kept asking for money to get the money he 'made.' He cleared out our bank accounts, maxed out all of our credit cards — including my personal one — and took money from my FSA. On top of it all, I am a cancer survivor, and we were expecting our first child via surrogacy. He had called our surrogate and asked her to not cash the checks we sent her. I had no clue."
"Our divorce was finalized around the time my son turned 1, and I made sure that child support comes straight from his check to me."
—35, Georgia
Have you — or someone you know — gotten a divorce because of money? Feel free to share your response below, or if you'd prefer to remain anonymous, you can submit your story using this Google form. Your response could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
