Paris Hilton Looks Back on Her Abortion at 22 'With Sorrow'

The socialite opened up about the 'intensely private agony' she experienced in her new book 'Paris: The Memoir.'

Paris Hilton got candid about her difficult decision to have an abortion nearly two decades ago, describing it as an "impossible choice." 

In the 42-year-old's new book, Paris: The Memoir, Hilton revealed that shortly after wrapping up the first season of The Simple Life–where she appeared opposite Nicole Richie–and at the age of 22, she decided to end a pregnancy. 

"I was living my best life," she recalled. "I was having a wild-child moment, and it was sort of glorious."

"It all came crashing down when I realized I was pregnant at 22. It was like waking up on the ledge outside a 40th-floor window. I was terrified and heartsick. The hormones sent my ADHD symptoms spiraling. Everything I knew about myself was at war with everything I’d been raised to believe about abortion," she said, adding, "No one can ever know how hard it is to face this impossible choice unless she’s faced it herself."

Related: Ed Sheeran Details Wife Cherry's Health Scare During Pregnancy

Hilton said that her boyfriend of two years, Tommy Hilfiger model Jason Shaw, remained supportive of her through it all. Though she loved him, she knew she wasn't in a place to move forward with the commitment of a baby or starting a family.

"It had nothing to do with him or a baby. I just wasn't capable of being honest or loyal or whole. After suffering abuse at Provo Canyon School and three other programs within the 'troubled teen' industry network, I was damaged in ways I couldn't tell him about, and the fact that I never confided in him about my past—that says it all, doesn't it? Secrets are corrosive," she admitted. "They destroy anything you try to layer over them."

Hilton explained that abortions could be "an intensely private agony" for some and said she wanted to share her story to support those struggling, feeling alone, or afraid of confiding in anyone.

Related: Cara Delevingne Says Viral Photos of Erratic Behavior Gave Her a 'Reality Check'

"Over the years, I’ve looked back on all this with sorrow, even though I know I made the right choice. In my loneliest moments, I’ve romanticized that time in my life and tortured myself with melodrama—thoughts like, What if I killed my Paris?—but the fact is, there was no happy little family at stake. That was not going to happen," she said. 

Hilton continued, "Trying to continue that pregnancy with the physical and emotional issues I was dealing with at the time would have been a train wreck for everyone involved. At that moment, I was in no way capable of being a mother. Denying that would have jeopardized the forever family I hoped to have in the future, at a time when I was healthy and healed."

It appears that with time, resources and a lot of support, Hilton was able to heal and she is now happily married to author Carter Reum, with whom she tied the knot on Nov. 11, 2021. The two also recently welcomed their first child, a baby boy named Phoenix Barron, via surrogate in January 2023.

Related: Paris Hilton Reveals the Heartbreaking Reason She Wanted Her Firstborn to Be a Boy