Parents Feel Shame Over How They Feed Their Babies, New Study Finds

Nearly 2,000 parents were surveyed and the data proves more support is needed.

Fact checked by Sarah Scott

I distinctly remember desperately wanting to breastfeed my first son. When he struggled to latch, I was given some free formula from the hospital and told that it "didn't matter how my baby was fed."

I went from under-supplier to over-supplier, exclusively pumped for a year, battled mastitis, and relied on a Facebook group of fellow pumping parents for advice because I didn't find any through health care providers or lactation professionals.

Two years later, my second son was born. I went in with far more education about how supply/demand works and confidence that my body could produce (more than) enough to feed a baby. I still ran into a host of issues—my son slowly gained weight and health care professionals insisted my supply must be off. (I was filling a freezer full of milk. The problem was my son had difficulty transferring.)

I cycled through four lactation consultants. The fourth one, who I found in a local parenting Facebook group in tears at 3 a.m. after a wrestling match of a night feeding, was the charm. She explained why my son was having difficulty, showed me some techniques, and allowed me to see her for free for weighted feeds for over a month.

My time with her was one of the few things that got me out of bed. I developed postpartum depression and spent much of my time in my room, staring at the ceiling, fantasizing about what it would be like to get into a fatal accident. The other thing that got me out of bed was needing to return to work part-time at six weeks. Like many American families, I didn't have paid leave.

The only time I felt normal during this period was when I was nursing my son. Since 2022 was the year of the formula shortage, I eventually donated all the excess milk—the milk medical professionals swore I wasn't making. While their reassurances that it's "normal not to make enough milk" were well-meaning, they were wrong about my case. Had I listened to them, my son, now 2, would not still be nursing.

I felt incredibly alone and unsupported in those early days with my sons. I was not alone. Many parents feel isolated as they try to feed their infants.

A new data report from Bobbie, Willow, and SimpliFed found that many parents want more support and education about various types of feeding (nursing, pumping, or formula feeding). It's unacceptable.

What the Data on Feeding Babies Tells Us

The survey is based on nearly 2,000 responses from parents selected using customer data from the three companies. Bobbie is a formula company. Willow makes wearable breast pumps, and SimpliFed offers support for any feeding. According to the survey:

• 47% of respondents said they didn't receive support or education about formula feeding

• 38% said they didn't receive support for pumping

• 82% said they did receive support and education about breastfeeding

I am not here to talk over the lived experiences of the participants of this survey and the emotions behind them. Please remember: I have formula-fed, combo-fed, fed only human milk through pumping, and exclusively nursed.

During every single one of those journeys, I experienced feelings of shame, isolation, frustration, and a lack of support and information. So, I believe you.

However, looking at this data, it appears we're well on our way to supporting breastfeeding families. Other data states otherwise.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has its own report, "Maternity Practices in Infant Nutrition and Care." The most recent, from 2022, included a larger sample size than this one (1,994 hospitals). Some numbers are vastly different from what’s found in this report. In the name of information and support, I think it's worth pointing out that:

• 78% of hospitals reported that mothers whose newborns are fed formula are taught feeding techniques and how to prepare/feed formula safely

• 76% of hospitals said the same for lactating parents

• 28% of hospitals agreed with the statement that "few breastfeeding infants receive formula," which indicates that most do

It doesn't score pumping education—that's a gap.

Reaching Feeding Goals Can Be Hard

In the report from Bobbie, Willow, and SimpliFed, 80% of the parents said they intended to nurse for at least a year, but 41% of parents did so. When asked why parents stopped breastfeeding, 80% of respondents reported barriers like lactation or supply issues, concerns about infant nutrition and weight, lack of parental leave and supportive work policies, and lack of lactation support.

According to the report, 61% of parents who met their breastfeeding goals said they incorporated combo feeding (formula and human milk). The takeaway, per the report: "Combo feeding (some combination of breast milk and formula) extends the majority of parents' breastfeeding journeys (for those who rely on it as a feeding choice). This is a clear reminder that when it comes to feeding, it's not an either/or, but rather a spectrum of choices."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding or combo-feeding. But, while this survey suggests that combo-feeding is a great way to meet breastfeeding goals, peer-reviewed research suggests otherwise. The CDC also says that early supplementation with formula decreases breastfeeding outcomes.

Does that mean that all hope is lost if you combo feed early on? No. Does it mean your child will somehow suffer long-term because you formula-fed exclusively? Goodness, no, and anyone who says otherwise is uneducated.

Rule No. 1 is to feed the baby, so please know that if you're doing the best you can with the information and support you have, you are a fabulous parent. However, future and current parents deserve the correct information to weigh their options and make the most informed decisions.

The report calls the American Academy of Pediatrics’ (AAP) guidelines of breastfeeding for two years "out of reach for most.” These guidelines are aligned with major health organizations, including the World Health Organization. The fact that they're out of reach is an indictment of a society that doesn't actually value families. Again, that doesn't mean you're a failure if you don't exclusively breast/chestfeed.

I, too, felt like the goalposts got moved when the AAP’s recommendations came out in 2022. My son was about 4 months, and making it to a year (my goal) seemed like a possibility. I reminded myself I’d be a good mom no matter what, and that the recommendations are just that—recommendations. Not rules.

However, the best way to reduce the "stigma" around feeding is to ensure that whatever method a family chooses is actually a choice for families. Right now, too much is getting in the way.

We Need Real Support When It Comes To Feeding Babies

For starters, we need a society that actually values us with humane paid leave. The AAP advocated for better leave policies when it extended its recommendations to two years and beyond. This was huge. When a major organization emphasizes that policymakers should prioritize letting parents be home with their babies so they can make it work, it's more effective than saying, "Who cares how you feed your baby?" The latter allows the workforce to say, "OK, so get back to work!" And wow, do they tell us to get back to work.

Families feeding their infants formula deserve support. They deserve easy access to a safe and affordable product, which we saw disrupted during the formula shortage in 2022. Hacks like using a pitcher to batch-make formula for the day so it's ready when your little one is crying can also be a game-changer (pumping families can do this, too). And they should never, ever feel guilty or questioned for formula feeding. They should know they're good parents whether they buy fancy organic formula or a generic brand.

People who pump—and many people who nurse will need to because of the aforementioned lack of paid leave—deserve information on cleaning pump parts, correct flange sizing, and safe milk storage. They also deserve a clean place to pump that isn't a closet or room that somehow always seems to be occupied for meetings, even if it's designated for pumping. (This totally happened at a previous employer of mine.)

Education for the providers educating parents (hospitals and pediatricians) on lactation management would also help. A visit from a hospital lactation consultant and a pamphlet were about all I got when trying to nurse my first while sitting in a puddle of tears.

Education on newborn behavior is also important (i.e., feeding every two hours is normal, and it'll be more frequent during cluster feeding stages). Nursing well into toddlerhood and beyond is biologically normal and would be more common without societal and systemic barriers. (No, you do not need to stop when they get teeth or start asking for it.) Reducing commercial-driven myths about breastfeeding, like that formula will help a baby sleep longer, is also vital.

Nursing and pumping parents deserve to know that if they really don't like it, they absolutely, positively do not have to keep going. Their babies will love them all the more for being happy and present.

Ultimately, every family deserves the appropriate information and support to feed however they choose—with confidence and peace of mind.

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