Oprah Explains Why Answering This Question Always Points Her in the Right Direction
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Every week, Oprah is setting an intention—exclusively for Oprah Insiders—with reflections on themes like letting go, forgiveness, coming into your own, and more. Every day this week, you can find tips to help you navigate through uncertainty—starting off with a special message from Oprah.
Saturday, October 16: Ask Yourself: "What do I really want?"
Sometimes the uncertainty that unsettles us isn’t a result of circumstances we can’t control, but of ones we can. Do I want to move cross-country for that new job I was offered? Maybe I should go back to school? Am I willing to start my own business even though it means taking a big pay cut? When it comes to making big life-changing decisions, deciding what’s really best can feel near impossible.
Whatever the situation, Oprah has learned, this one question will guide you to the right path.
“In my early years of television, I was often overwhelmed by people's view of me as a benevolent caregiver. Some would spend their last dime on a bus ticket to get to me, children would run away from home, abused women would leave their husbands and just show up at the doorstep of my studio, all hoping I'd help. I found myself writing check after check, and over time, that wore on my spirit. I was so busy trying to give all that everyone else needed me to offer that I lost touch with what I had a genuine desire to give. I finally had to stop and consider what I believe is one of the most important questions a woman can ask herself: What do I really want—and what is my spirit telling me is the best way to proceed?
My answer eventually led me toward my passion for serving women and girls. I began to realize that in order to be most effective, I had to be extremely focused on using my time, my concern, my resources and my compassion to uplift a generation of courageous women who own themselves and know their strength.
Those years of becoming focused taught me a powerful lesson about tuning in to my gut—that inkling that says, Hold on. Something's not right here. Please pause and make an adjustment. For me, doubt often means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward. When I'm mired in confusion about what the next step should be, when I'm asked to do something for which I feel little enthusiasm, that's my sign to just stop—to get still until my instincts give me the go-ahead. I believe that uncertainty is really my spirit's way of whispering, I'm in flux. I can't decide for you. Something is off-balance here. I take that as a cue to re-center myself before making a decision—a reminder from above to wait for confirmation. When the universe compels me toward the best path to take, it never leaves me with ‘Maybe,’ ‘Should I?’ or even ‘Perhaps.’ I always know for sure when it's telling me to proceed—because everything inside me rises up to reverberate ‘Yes!’"
—Oprah
Friday, October 15: Develop Some Healthy Habits With Gretchen Rubin
You may not be able to control the timing and impact of unexpected events, like the pandemic—but you can control how you cope with life's unknowns. Here, Oprah Daily columnist Gretchen Rubin, author of several New York Times bestsellers including The Happiness Project and Outer Order, Inner Calm, shares five smart strategies for finding peace in even the most precarious times.
1. Identify the problem.
Identify the specific issues that worry you. Instead of thinking vaguely, “I don’t know what’s going to happen with my elderly parents!” identify your specific concerns. When we identify concrete issues, it becomes easier to spot possible solutions.
2. Chart the Possibilities
If you feel overwhelmed by thinking about various future scenarios, make a chart of what might happen. It may seem impossible to imagine the future, but there are probably just a few possibilities. For example, will we be able to gather with family for Thanksgiving? The possibilities are: yes, as long as everyone attending is vaccinated; no, virtual celebrations continue; or, a hybrid of the two. By thinking through how you might handle each of these possibilities, you help yourself feel more in control of what the future may hold.
3. Give yourself a project with a beginning, middle, and an end.
By accomplishing something that’s within your power, you’ll boost your sense of control. Start and finish an online class. Repaint that table. You can’t control the future, but you can control your coat closet, and creating outer order will boost your feelings of inner calm. You set out to do something, and you did it. This sense of control is an illusion—but it’s a helpful illusion.
4. Take action in the world.
Action is an antidote to anxiety. If you’re worrying, “What’s being done to help healthcare workers who are grappling with unprecedented levels of stress?” find a way to help. (You can start by contacting your local hospital and asking if they’ll accept care packages of fresh fruit, coffee, sweets, and hand-written notes of encouragement.) If you’re worrying, “What’s going to happen to the mom-and-pop shops in my neighborhood that are still struggling to make ends meet?” find a way to help by leading fundraising efforts or encouraging your friends to support their local businesses.
5. Take care of your body.
An atmosphere of uncertainty makes some people think, “Who knows what’s going to happen? Nothing matters, nothing counts.” It’s easy to get in the habit of staying up too late, snacking constantly, skipping exercise, or spending too much time on social media. Our physical experience always colors our emotional experience, and by taking good care of our bodies, we strengthen ourselves to deal with the future, whatever it may hold.
For more ways to manage feelings of uncertainty, check out Gretchen’s other tips and tricks, here.
Thursday, October 14: Focus on the Present Moment
The upside of uncertainty according to Eckhart Tolle: “Real growth, which is spiritual awakening and spiritual deepening, usually does not happen when things are going well,” says the thought leader and author of The Power of Now—one of seven books that Oprah turns to in tough times. “The deepening happens when disruption suddenly happens in your life.”
Yet, it can be tricky to see the potential for personal growth through the current storm of anxious thoughts. Picture it: You get a not-so-glowing review from your boss—and suddenly you’re spinning through the what-ifs. What if I don’t get that end of year raise, not to mention that promotion? What if I get fired, and as a result, can’t pay my bills? What if I chose the wrong career entirely?
When you’re dealing with uncertain situations—whether at work, at home, or in a relationship—it’s easy to fixate on the things that haven’t happened, and, for that matter, may never happen. But that type of thinking (technically called ruminating) is exhausting, and can lead to depression and anxiety—which is part of the reason why it’s so important to embrace the present moment, rather than resist it. “When your attention moves into the present moment, you’ll discover that the situation is not, in most cases, unbearable,” Tolle told Oprah in a conversation on Facebook Live. “It might not be good, but it’s OK. So you can accept this moment as it is, and then you can go deeper and realize that even now, there is a lot to be grateful for.”
To help you stay more present—and in doing so, stop the spiral—try the two techniques Tolle shares in this throwback clip with Oprah.
Wednesday, October 13: Remember These Powerful Words
When the world feels wobbly and uncertain (or, perhaps even worse, when things are going catastrophically awry) it can be hard to believe that there are indeed better and brighter days ahead. You might find yourself grieving for things you haven’t actually lost, ruminating over events that haven’t actually happened, and getting trapped in narratives that aren’t actually true. Sound familiar? The next time life throws you a curveball, stop trying to solve the problem, and turn to trust—trust that the universe has a bigger, wider, and deeper vision than you could ever imagine for yourself.
Another way to put it? "The Will of God will not take you where The Grace of God will not protect you."
During the spring of 2012, Oprah received an email with those words from a jewelry maker named Sue. At the time, Oprah was “being mauled by the media over ‘the struggling OWN network,’” she recalled in her What I Know For Sure column from September 2017. “I took the attacks personally. I was embarrassed to be perceived as struggling. Ashamed that people were thinking She should have kept her day job.”
Oprah continues: “I'd had lunch with her once in Dallas and bought a pair of her earrings, but she didn't know me know me. Yet she took the time and trouble to send this message. Those words meant so much, I had a pillow embroidered with them so I can see them daily and never forget.”
Tuesday, October 12: Act on the Information You Have
In these uncertain times, there’s one thing Gayle is certain of: We all must do our part to protect ourselves—and, equally important, the people around us—from the coronavirus. That’s exactly why she got her booster shot of the Pfizer-BioNTech coronavirus vaccine last week, despite her long-term fear of needles. Here, she explains how she made that choice, as well as how she makes most decisions:
Whenever someone asks for my advice on navigating uncertainty—whether that’s at your job, in a relationship, or anything in between—I always tell people that if you don’t know what to do, you shouldn’t do anything at all. I never think it’s wise to make important life decisions solely on emotions, and, in my experience, the answer usually becomes clear with time.
But when it came to whether I'd get the booster shot, no bone in my body was uncertain. Last March, we thought this pandemic was something we’d deal with for a few days—or, at most, a few weeks. Nineteen months later, we’re still in it. So if I could do anything, big or small, to help us get out of it, my response was, “Sign me up!” That’s why I’m double vaccinated and why I received the booster last week. I never had any doubts about it. People take medication every single day and have no idea what’s in it. Not to mention that all of the best minds in the world were brought in to create these vaccines.
Additionally, I’m never around someone who’s not vaccinated…or at least, not to my knowledge. When I’m invited to an event, I always ask three questions: How many people will be there? Is everyone vaccinated? And is it indoors and outdoors? That’s the way I’m choosing to navigate the rest of 2021—with information, and the peace of mind that comes from protecting myself and others.
Monday, October 11: Take a Minute for Gratitude
When you’re worried about the future, it’s normal to feel unsettled, anxious or downright overwhelmed.
But here's the thing: You can find calm amidst uncertainty by taking a minute (well, maybe a few minutes) to stop focusing on what hasn’t happened yet and instead pay attention to the present. When your mind is swirling with thoughts of future doom, pause and take a moment to ask yourself: What am I grateful for right now?
To help you understand why doing this can be so powerful, read this excerpt from our next Oprah Daily Insider Roundtable, featuring Amanda Kloots (founder of the fitness business AK! and The Talk cohost), Jay Shetty (author of the New York Times bestseller Think Like a Monk and host of the On Purpose podcast), Angela Manuel Davis (motivational coach and AArmy), and our very own Gayle King.
GAYLE: Jay, you have said that when you’re present in gratitude, you can’t be anywhere else. It made me wonder: How does mindfulness play a role in what we’re talking about
today?
JAY: When you’re having a grateful thought, you can’t have an anxious thought. When you’re having a thankful thought, you can’t have a worry thought. As Angela was saying
earlier, it’s a choice. It is the opportunity to say, “Why don’t I choose to see this through the lens of thankfulness or gratitude so that I eliminate a thought based on worry, judgment, and anxiety that isn’t going to help me forward?” That’s where mindfulness comes in.
Amanda is a perfect example of somebody who’s been through something so difficult and so challenging but is still able to look at it from a different perspective. That’s a choice we get to make every second, in every moment.
GAYLE: Angela, do you think the two are connected?
ANGELA: Absolutely—and I think Jay just crushed that. It’s the choice, and anytime we have a thought that comes in that doesn’t serve us, we have that opportunity to exchange that thought for something that is pure and of good intent. It’s about getting into that practice and developing that muscle and that habit of making the exchanges. You have to choose to do that, and you have to stay on top of it.
Sometimes it feels like you’re in the ring, and you’re fighting and you’re fighting and you’re choosing. Then sometimes you get it—you’re kind of going downhill with your hands up like, “Whee!” I lean toward the side of gratitude, that’s just natural for me. But this past year and a half—I mean, hair falling out, an anxiety attack. I’m not saying that I’ve mastered this or that it’s easy, but I’ve made a choice to fight for it.
For more wisdom and insights from Gayle, Amanda, Angela, and Jay, make sure to pick up the Winter 2021 edition of O Quarterly (on newsstands November 9) and mark your calendars now to watch their complete conversation on oprahdaily.com on November 17 at 7 p.m. EST.
Sunday, October 10: A message From Oprah
Hello again, everybody!
Hoping it’s a good day for all. For me, it doesn’t get much better than a cozy fire and a good book. Wishing you all the same.
There are so many feelings that we’ve all experienced over the past year and a half as a collective. So, we’re all in it together. I know we’ve heard that before—a lot of people don’t believe it. But we’re in it together feeling the same things, whether we agree on what we’re feeling or not. And one of the abiding feelings, I know, is the sense of uncertainty—not knowing for sure what is next.
So our lives have been shaken up and shifted, to say the least, which has made a lot of us uncertain of what is on the horizon. When will we go back to the office full time? What is that going to require of me? How long will we be wearing masks? How long will we be fighting about masks? When will all of this be over? And it really is completely natural to not have all of the answers. So one thing I do know for sure is that we all have to let go of knowing, of having complete control and being able to ready ourselves to navigate waves of change as they come.
But how do we do that? Anxiety comes when we live in the unpredictable nuances of the future—all the “what ifs”. You know I remember when I was on trial back in 1998 for disparaging a burger and had to sit in a courtroom six weeks in Amarillo—thank you very much. And in the beginning of that trial, I had sooo much anxiety. Learning to stay focused on just that day and not the multiple days ahead is what actually kept me sane. So, I think we all must practice becoming more comfortable stepping into the unknown. And when those uncertain, overwhelmed feelings creep in you need to make an effort to stay in the present moment—and just be still. And breathe. And say to yourself, I am here now and right now everything is OK. All is well. All will be well, and there is nothing I cannot handle. So, take some time to be quiet enough to listen to your internal GPS, your truer self, and let the clamor of the world dissipate. Listen to the whispers, as I like to say, and then let that guide you.
Sometimes just the fear of uncertainty can stop us from taking the next step toward a breakthrough. But we cannot let uncertainty just fester and morph then into doubt—doubt that your fortitude, that your determination, that your values won’t have your back as you navigate whatever is coming next. Now, they’ve been there for you in the past, they’re there for you now, and they will be by your side as time goes on. So, look at where you’ve come from, how far you’ve journeyed to get to the you that you are now. And you’re still adapting, evolving to an ever-better version of yourself—hopefully, that’s what we’re all trying to do. Who you are and what believe in can remain steadfast and rooted enough to take on uncertainty.
This week on OprahDaily.com, we have lined up some little gems, pieces of light I call them, every day to help you handle the twists and the turns of feeling unsettled. So, I hope you’ll visit our site every day for some assurance and guidance. And remember that it’s OK to be in flux. We may not be going back to the way things were or even know exactly what will be, but I do know that the unknown can hold surprise, and it can hold delight. So, let’s just look for the delights. Have a good week everybody.
Come back every day this week for more resources to help you navigate even your most uncertain times.
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