Oprah Daily Interview with Michelle Obama for Her New Book, “The Light We Carry”
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Is there anything former First Lady Michelle Obama isn’t good at? Does she ever feel insecure, or get rattled by sneaky self-doubt or mean people? Is she always able to go high when they go low? Also, it was my assumption that while everyone else in the world felt the pandemic as a seismic shock, Mrs. Obama and her handsome husband were spending most of their time in quarantine with the lights turned down low, dancing together to romantic music—that is, when they weren't sticking to their disciplined workout schedules and finding ways to change the world over Zoom. But it turns out that the sense of isolation and dread that plagued all of us at times made its way into the Obama household as well.
In The Light We Carry—an inspiring follow-up to her phenomenal bestseller Becoming, Obama reveals that yes, she, too, can fall victim to inner turmoil, to fear, to anxiety, to feeling like an outsider. As she did in Becoming, Obama draws on her own life experiences and challenges—including how she calmed her “internal red flags” while isolating at home—for her new book, though the latter is less an autobiography than a practical guide to navigating change, uncertainty, and the sense of being “wobbly and unsettled”; it offers tools and mantras Obama herself has relied upon over the years. Time and again, she sees what her “fearful mind” might think of as a defect in herself and figures out how to turn that “defect” into an asset.
Obama agreed to answer some questions for Oprah Daily about the book and the learnings that went into writing it. Here is that exchange.
“You fall, you get back up, you carry on.” In the new book, you write that that was the code by which your father, who suffered from MS, lived. How has that code helped you in your life?
Watching my father struggle with his health was incredibly difficult for me, but I still carry the lessons he taught me about perseverance to this day. My dad taught me not just how to get back up after a fall, but that it was okay to lean on something in order to make it through life. For him, that was often literal—for years, he needed a cane or crutches or even a motorized cart to get around. But he also taught me that it was okay to lean on other kinds of tools—partners, friends, beliefs, and attitudes. So while the tools I personally use to get by look a little different than his, the lesson is still the same: We can always find some support—and find a way to get where we need to go.
One of the themes of The Light We Carry is about being different. We are so programmed to fit in. How have you managed to embrace your sense of being “different” instead of conforming?
I’ll never stop believing that being different is actually our strength. That means the experiences that are unique to you and you only—the contours of our individual journeys and the difficult moments that shape who we are—those are the things that help keep us going. So often, we think that what makes us different is a weakness, but it’s not. It might sound silly, but when I was younger, I remember feeling uneasy about being taller than most of my classmates. I felt like everyone’s eyes were always on me. And I felt a little envious of kids who could blend into a crowd. But here, too, I learned a lesson from my dad. He used to say, “No one can make you feel bad if you feel good about yourself.” It’s one of those remarkably simple sayings that’s a lot harder to put into practice. But over the years, in fits and starts, I’ve been able to recognize that how I view myself is far more important than how others do. So I learned not to hide who I am—I learned to celebrate it.
You offer up this new book as a kind of tool kit. Just as your father used a cane when he needed to get around, all of us need tools to navigate the world. What are some of the tools you lean on to help get you through hard times?
I have quite a few tools I use, which I talk at length about in my book. For now, I’ll just talk about two. The first is a knitting needle. During the height of the pandemic, just like everyone else, I felt a little lost. And one day, I decided I just wanted to try out knitting on a whim. I watched a lot of videos and picked up some books on it, and once I got started, I just couldn’t stop. Knitting gave me a way to allow my brain to trail behind as my hands did something productive. And whether I was knitting a top for my girls or a blanket or a scarf, the practice of it gave me a way to regulate my emotions and allow myself to find calm and serenity in the middle of everything that was swirling around me.
The second is my Kitchen Table, which is what I call my group of close friends that I turn to in times of need. These are the people I call or video chat with on days when I’m frustrated about the state of the world. Having them as a sounding board has helped me navigate everything from home life to motherhood to the duties of being First Lady of the United States.
Has anything in modern memory changed the way we inhabit the world as much as Covid? You write about the connection you felt with the crowds as you traveled for the Becoming tour, and then—boom—it all changed. How has living through Covid shifted your perspective? Has it changed the way you move through your day and the world?
Living through Covid has taught me so, so much—but probably nothing has been as clear for me as how much human connection matters. It sounds so simple. But neighbors, friends, even strangers—we all need each other. We all need to be around each other. We all need to see each other. That’s how we find ourselves. It’s how we feel like we are part of something bigger. These days, I find myself smiling more at strangers, chit-chatting a little more when I’m around people I know, and hugging friends a little longer. Getting to know and spending time with each other is so fundamental to life, and after two years of feeling alone and isolated, I’m giving all my energy to making sure others feel seen and heard.
At one point post the election of Trump, you had this thought: You write, “Nothing seemed fixable or capable of being finished. So why bother to try?” And then knitting helped you to reclaim your optimism. How was that a good first step? You write that you had to “go small to think big again…”
Knitting was such a fascinating hobby for me because it allowed me to shift my perspective so dramatically. Knitting is about creating, from literally start to finish, anything you put your mind to. A sweater, a blanket, a tapestry. Sometimes it happens in just a couple of days, but sometimes I find myself working on something for weeks at a time, putting it away, and coming back to complete it. And when it’s done, I can see my clear contribution to the world—what I created, the value I added, my efforts coming to fruition. And I think it isn’t a coincidence that this simple act became so important to me during a time when we were all reckoning not just with the pandemic but with racial justice and so much political upheaval. There were all these seemingly huge, intractable problems—and it’s so, so easy to lose yourself inside of them. For me, it’s true that these two simple needles really did help me remember that when I put my mind to it, I have the capacity to create, to develop, and to build. That lesson is useful not just when knitting a scarf, but when thinking about our roles in those larger problems, too.
“Go forth with a spoonful of fear and return with a wagonful of confidence.” What does that phrase mean to you?
To me, this phrase means recognizing that fear exists, that it is very disorienting, but when we take a step back and get past that first, visceral reaction, we can usually find a more constructive, useful path forward. And that’s where the second part of this comes in—we’ve got to believe in ourselves as we move forward. In the end, that’s what can help keep fear as a spoonful, rather than a tidal wave that overtakes us.
Do you have any exciting film or series projects in the pipeline?
As you might know, I’ve been working on a children’s show called Waffles + Mochi, which has become very close to my heart. It features two puppet characters—a Yeti and a mochi—who are deeply passionate about food and healthy eating. It’s all about understanding where the food we eat every day originates and how fun it is to cook together as a family. The newest season just came out in October, and I had a ton of fun doing the filming. Outside of that, you’ll have to wait for our next announcement from Higher Ground!
Michelle Obama served as First Lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School, Mrs. Obama started her career as an attorney at the Chicago law firm Sidley & Austin, where she met her future husband, Barack Obama. She later worked in the Chicago mayor’s office, at the University of Chicago, and at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Mrs. Obama also founded the Chicago chapter of Public Allies, an organization that prepares young people for careers in public service. She is the author of the #1 global bestseller Becoming, which has sold more than 17 million copies worldwide and has been translated into 50 languages, and the #1 national bestseller American Grown. The Obamas currently live in Washington, D.C., and have two daughters, Malia and Sasha.
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