Is it OK to have a child-free wedding?

Kids are sneaky. They’re fast. They’re rule-breakers who don’t generally care for things like quiet or getting dressed up.

On the other hand ... they’re adorable. They’re memorable. They’re unexpected in the most delightful ways.

For better or worse, kids give whole new meaning to the term “wedding crasher.”

So, what if you don't want little ones underfoot when you tie the knot? Is it OK to have a child-free wedding?

Kids are unpredictable

In a TikTok video viewed almost 12 million times in the last nine months, a woman who posted as @cal_cifer_2.0 made a "short list" of the things she has seen children do at weddings, including screaming “absolutely bloody murder” throughout a wedding ceremony, shoving their hands into expensive wedding cakes and running into servers carrying bottles of alcohol, resulting in shattered glass everywhere.

Even posing this topic to TODAY.com staffers elicited a flurry of thoughts and opinions on child-free weddings, both from parents and non-parents. We discussed destination weddings, babysitters, nursing infants, flower girls, siblings and wild-eyed 6-year-olds who are awake hours after their normal bedtime.

Let's take a look at what the experts had to say.

Wedding etiquette

Catherine Newman, author of “How To Be A Person” and longtime etiquette columnist for Real Simple magazine, is in favor of embracing the chaos.

"I’m a fan of being less controlling about weddings in general," she tells TODAY.com. "I’d rather err on the side of inclusivity than on the side of trying to have the world’s most perfectly choreographed event, which, let’s face it, is going to be imperfect anyway." She cautions that given the constraints of finding childcare, some guests may opt to stay home, so the couple has to be prepared for some parents to send regrets.

Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore says, "It's the couple's choice to have whomever they want at the wedding." She recommends specifically stating on the invitation which members of the family are invited. The flower girl and ring bearer could potentially be exceptions to the no-kids rule.

Whitmore recalls the advice she was given when she got engaged years ago: "Don't listen to everyone's opinion. Just follow your heart. Do what's right for you because at the end of the day, it's about the two people who are getting married."

Three things to consider

If your heart is saying, "There are too many decisions and I still have no idea what to do," consider these guidelines from Boston-based wedding planner Erin Davies.

First, she recommends thinking about the expense. Sure, a kid's meal might cost slightly less than an adult meal, but renting chairs and printing escort cards are the same price per person regardless of age. "The cost for that little body who may or may not want to be there is high," she cautions.

Second, consider the max capacity of your wedding venue. Do you have room for all of your friends and relatives and their kids?

And last, consider "the vibe." As in, "Do you want sugared up kids running circles on the dance floor?" Or, are you hoping for a more formal, elegant celebration?

Davies laughed that all of the above make it sound as though she is not on board with having kids at weddings, but in fact, she says that when the couple has a "true" relationship with children, it can be a treat to have little ones around.

She likes to remind couples that they are in control of every aspect of their wedding. They can create a blanket policy for everyone, or they can make decisions for each group of guests, letting them know if and when children are allowed at wedding events.

"Weddings are an adult affair. Kids are the exception, not the rule," she says.

If you're still panicked about making this decision, don't stress.

"The question of kids at a wedding is always more worrisome to the couple than to any of the families," Davies says reassuringly. "People overthink this all the time."

This article was originally published on TODAY.com