Odell Beckham Jr., Who Hates Water, Keeps Getting Cramps for Some Reason
New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. is a once-in-a-generation talent who routinely leaves opposing cornerbacks looking like they just had their abilities sapped away, Space Jam style; his hand-eye coordination and knack for tracking down footballs would make birds of prey jealous, if only they understood the rules of football. But at last, in his fifth NFL season, his kryptonite has been identified, and it's a doozy: He dislikes drinking water.
Last week, Beckham was questioned about his hydration habits after he had to step into the locker room to get an IV during a recent loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. He had this to say:
"I've always cramped. I feel like I'm working harder than I ever have. I really don't like water. I'm trying. I really just don't like it. When you get that stomach—it's all slushy. I'm trying to stay hydrated, but sometimes, I just gotta get an IV.
Yes, Beckham is a professional football player who doesn't enjoy the benefits of H2O, which makes him a natural foil to Tom Brady, who dreams of someday morphing into an ageless dadbod version of the amphibious creature from Shape of Water. If Brady and Beckham are the two extremes, what can the latter man do to get closer to a more moderate position?
Charles Mueller, a clinical associate professor of nutrition at New York University, tells us that a healthy person needs roughly as many milliliters of water as they do calories of food, which comes out to around eight cups a day. If that sounds like too tall a task for Beckham, Mueller offers up some encouragement. "It doesn't have to be all water," he says. "It can be in the form of beverages, including coffee." But, he adds: "You can't have three martinis and count that as water."
Mueller is a bit puzzled by Beckham's fearful slushy-in-his-tummy description, which shouldn't be as much of a deterrent as the three-time Pro Bowler apparently considers it to be. "There's nothing wrong with that," Mueller says. "It'll empty out within 15 minutes. He's just describing normal physiology."
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New York-area sports talk man Mike Francesa is not a medical professional, but he also weighed in on the controversy with some incredulous advice for Beckham's aquaphobia, should he really find himself unable to hydrate via conventional means any further.
Go out and play or don’t play. Or leave early and get two IVs. Or five IVs. Or 10 IVs. I don’t care. Drink water, don’t drink water. Drink orange juice, drink soda, drink whatever the heck you want. Leave me alone.
That statement contains a few too many alternatives to be of much practical use, so we asked Mueller for his input on the subject, too. If he needs extra fluids, how many IVs, exactly, should Beckham go for? And do orange juice or soda, both of which are liquid but neither of which are water, really count as acceptable alternatives?
On that first question, Mueller does not advise the use of two, five, or 10 IVs. ("That's kind of nutty," he says.) He also notes that soda's carbonation "might cause a little bit of cramping," which is not ideal for playing in an NFL game. But! Francesa might be onto something with that last suggestion. "Orange juice is okay," Mueller says. "I'd dilute it by half or a third, but that would be great. Apple juice works too."
Thus, the path to eternal hydration is clear: If Beckham cannot bring himself to ingest one more drop of water, he's got a solid list of alternatives. Gatorade. Coffee. Watered-down orange juice. But please try something, Odell, so that poor Mike Francesa can have some peace.
