What Is Rejection Sensitivity?
Signs, Causes, and Ways to Cope with Intense Feelings of Rejection
Medically reviewed by Dakari Quimby, PhD
Rejection sensitivity is a trait that makes a person expect, perceive, and react intensely to rejection, real or perceived. If you have rejection sensitivity, not getting a response to a text message might convince you that you are no longer liked. These feelings can override other, more logical responses and end up hurting sound relationships.
Rejection sensitivity is not a clinical disorder but an emotional response commonly seen in people with clinical conditions like depression, social anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and autism.
This article explains what rejection sensitivity is, what causes it, the conditions it is associated with, and ways to cope if you react excessively to feelings or thoughts of rejection.
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Signs of Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity is about more than "overreacting" to rejection. It is about habitually experiencing extreme emotions that are disproportionate to the situation at hand. It describes extreme emotional sensitivity and pain that can lead to instantaneous despair or instantaneous rage,
Rejection sensitivity is ultimately a predisposition to expect and strongly react to being rejected.
If you have rejection sensitivity, you might:
Misinterpret a slow or delayed response as a blatant rejection
Assume that feedback from an employer means you're about to be fired
Believe that you are being dropped as a friend if an invitation is turned down
Immediately assume you're about to break up if a love interest wants to talk
Feel distressed about whether people are going to call you on your birthday
Obsess about friends who have let you down while paying less mind to those who have not
Feel physical pain in response to feelings of rejection
Need continual reassurance of friendships or relationships
Blow up and become enraged if there is any insinuation of rejection
Rejection Sensitivity and Relationships
Rejection sensitivity can interfere with relationships in several ways. People with high rejection sensitivity may misinterpret minor slights or awkward social cues (like hesitation or a lack of enthusiasm) as outright rejections. They also have a reduced ability to consider any other possible explanations for the behaviors.
People with rejection sensitivity may act in ways that push romantic interests away, reinforcing feelings that they were destined to be dropped. These feelings can sometimes turn aggressive and become a defense mechanism to protect them from feelings of hurt that they fully suspect will happen.
In seeking reassurance that the relationship is solid, a person with relationship sensitivity might appear desperate or clingy. Even then, the underlying fear of being dropped may lead them to seek constant reassurance. This can place stress on a relationship as it forces the partner to constantly "prove" their sincerity and affection.
Causes of Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity is not a mental health disorder and the causes of the emotional overreaction remain unclear. Trauma is thought to play a role, but there is also evidence that brain processes are different in people with rejection sensitivity.
Trauma
For some people, rejection sensitivity may be a response to a prior emotional or physical trauma. Trauma, especially in childhood, can affect the ability to make strong emotional attachments or cause doubt as to whether strong emotional attachments can, in fact, be made.
Childhood abuse, harsh discipline, conditional parental love, exposure to family violence, and emotional neglect can all contribute to emotional instability and a predisposition for rejection sensitivity in later life.
Role of the Nervous System
There is some evidence that rejection sensitivity may be caused, at least in part, by dysfunction of parts of the brain that regulate emotion.
Feelings of rejection have been found to activate different parts of the brain that regulate emotional processing. This includes the limbic cortex (which regulates attention and emotional behaviors) and the amygdala (which warehouses memories and attaches meaning to memories).
It has been theorized that inappropriate activation of the limbic cortex may lead to an exaggeration or "hyperawareness" of feelings, amplifying emotions that might otherwise be kept in check. Similarly, activation of the amygdala might release traumatic memories that are then attached to your current feelings.
From the perspective of brain chemistry, emotional pain often causes more brain wave activity than physical pain. This may be why people with high rejection sensitivity often describe physical pains that outsiders might regard as an actual exaggeration.
Rejection Sensitivity and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is a term proposed by some mental health experts to define rejection sensitivity as a diagnosable clinical disorder (not unlike premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and gender dysphoria). It is used largely in the context of ADHD but is increasingly being associated with other mental disorders.
The term dysphoria describes a mental state in which a person has a profound sense of unease or dissatisfaction. While dysphoria is not a mental health diagnosis, it is a symptom associated with a variety of mental illnesses, including, anxiety, depression, and substance use disorder.
While PMDD and gender dysphoria are both described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorder, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), RSD is not.
Related Conditions
Rejection sensitivity is being increasingly associated with a wide range of mental disorders characterized by emotional dysregulation. It is also seen to be a facet of autism, classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder.
Rejection Sensitivity and ADHD
Relationship sensitivity is thought to be a common manifestation of emotional dysregulation, which is one of the central features of ADHD. Emotional dysregulation is defined as difficulty regulating feelings and/or controlling emotional responses.
People with ADHD often have amplified emotions, transforming everyday feelings into deeply intense ones—both positive and negative. The same can occur when someone with ADHD is faced with feelings of rejection.
Even in the absence of past emotional trauma, a person with ADHD may react with the same level of emotional intensity. These feelings may be present in childhood but often increase during the adolescent and teen years when social rejection is a facet of the secondary school experience.
Relationship Sensitivity and Autism
Relationship sensitivity is also thought to be linked to autism. Brain studies of children with autism have shown different brain wave patterns when faced with feelings of rejection than neurotypical kids. Children with autism might also process emotions differently, especially when they have difficulty interpreting social cues.
Biology may not be the only explanation for relationship sensitivity in autism. In society, people with autism are set up to experience a higher rate of rejection than neurotypical people due to having to function in a world that regards them as atypical. This can fuel perceptions that they were "meant" to be rejected.
Other Causes
In addition to ADHD and autism, rejection sensitivity is associated with several other mental health conditions, including:
The one thing all of these disorders share is emotional dysregulation (albeit in different emotional domains). This can lead to heightened emotions and trigger feelings, particularly those involving rejection and abandonment.
Coping with Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection under any circumstance can be painful, but there are healthy ways to deal with it. The first thing is to step back and take a look at the one variable in relationships you can control: your own feelings.
Here are some tips that may help:
Feel the pain and acknowledge the loss: It’s OK to feel sad or disappointed over rejections such as ending a relationship or losing a job. Acknowledging your feelings helps you to work through them.
Distract yourself: Rather than burying yourself under the cover, take the opportunity to exercise, go to the movies, or meet with friends. If your instinct is to chew on raw emotions, distraction may be your best friend.
Seek support: Don't assume that everyone doesn't want to hear your sad story. Find someone to take to, and make the most of it by listening to what they say. You don't have to agree, but creating a two-way conversation reinforces friendships and relationships.
Don't assign blame: The problem is that people with relationship sensitivity tend to blame themselves when a relationship falls. Focus instead on the lessons to be learned, rather than any failure or blame you may feel.
If you find it difficult to cope, do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can help you develop the tools to cope in a healthy way.
Related: Do I Need a Counselor or a Therapist?
Summary
While rejection is often painful, for some people, the pain is so intense and so extreme that it goes above the typical emotional response. This is called rejection sensitivity. It can occur on its own due to past trauma but is often associated with neurodevelopmental disorders like autism and mental health disorders like ADHD, depression, and social anxiety disorder.
Read the original article on Verywell Health.
