14 "Ordinary" People Spilled Shocking Secrets About Dating And Marrying Millionaires, And You Should Brace Yourselves For All The Drama
Recently, a Reddit conversation caught my eye: "People who married into a significantly wealthier family, what was the biggest shock for you?"
Welp, "ordinary" people didn't hold anything back, and revealed what it's truly like dealing with the rich. Everyone's experience was different, and hella enlightening (if you want my two cents).
So, here are some juicy experiences of "normal" folks marrying millionaires:
1."I married into a hugely wealthy family — my father-in-law was president of an international medical staffing firm. He retired three times from the company, and each time, he had a bigger retirement package. My wife is cultured beyond belief, fluent in at least four languages and has seen the world that most of us could only dream of seeing in our lifetimes. My wife is also one of the hardest-working people I have ever met, and even with all of the wealth, she actually does charity to the point that I have to stop her. I never realized how influential the name was until visiting New York and staying at the Four Seasons hotel. The manager came over and called my father-in-law by his name, and pushed us to the front of the line. We were treated like royalty that week."
"This was the same deal when I married my wife. Not only did my father-in-law foot the bill for everything (the wedding reception consumed 12.5 gallons of Patron), but he gave my wife and I a three-week honeymoon anywhere in the world on his dime.
He gave us his AMEX Black card and said: 'Have fun.' We went to six countries, and the honeymoon cost well over $100,000 — he never said a word!"
2."My S.O.'s family comes from old money (the kind where if we're in the city his dad's originally from, his last name holds clout and people know who he belongs to). A standard gift from his family when you turn 16 is a $50,000 car, and everyone gets $1 million at 18 from their trust fund to pay for college. Then you get your remaining millions when you graduate. He invested his pretty wisely, and now has a good amount of money in the bank along with his own investments. The weirdest thing is how it's so easy for him to just...do things and write them off as 'no big deal.' Like, once we got engaged and started consolidating our finances, he paid off my student loans and credit cards without thinking about it — he just shrugged it off when I asked him about it."
"Money is just something that exists to him, and he's smart with it, but if it's not something he views as a 'big amount' or a 'good idea' in the long run, he doesn't see the point of worrying about throwing down the cash to pay for it.
Also, wedding planning is bananas. His mother is paying for it as a gift, and I was expecting something nice, but as far as she's concerned, money is nothing. You like this venue that's $20,000 just for the space? Go ahead and book it! You want this fancy rehearsal dinner that's going to cost as much as a lot of people's weddings do? Why not! My dress was $500 ,and I can't imagine making someone pay that for something they'll wear once, but for them, it's no big deal.
I don't feel like [marrying into money] has changed me or him much since we got together, as I always knew he had money. He's still just the way he always was. He was raised in a different state from his dad's family, which is where the family money comes from, so he's a fairly 'normal,' well-adjusted adult (unlike some of his cousins)."
3."My family experienced rough times when I was growing up — we lived in housing projects, my parents always (and to this day) worked two jobs each, and truly pushed the value of working hard for your money. We gave up a lot of luxuries, took out multiple loans, and saved every penny so us kids could afford private schools. My husband is nowhere near the same. He grew up in Europe with old money — both of his parents have their own businesses, and he had a great childhood where they didn't struggle. The shock of his wealth came from just visiting his hometown — it was gorgeous! I had never been to Europe before that, and was in complete awe. His parents owned multiple homes in the best districts and in other countries for vacations. They were so sweet and gave me €500 the day they met me because I was so nice! I also got another couple grand for my student loans purely because they heard how much of a burden that is in the US, and didn't want me to struggle."
"The problem, though? My husband never had to work for anything. Any time he needed money, they (especially his mom) would just hand it off without an issue no matter the amount. He never bothered with college and basically just did whatever he wanted until meeting me.
Upon learning this, I stated that I refused to accept an engagement ring with money he didn't rightfully earn. That's when, at age 24, he realized that working for your money is hard. He thought he'd easily just start a business like his parents, but failed because he had no idea how complicated it truly was. He had to learn how to struggle for the first time since things were not easy soon afterwards.
Things are rougher now, but we've come together, built a savings, run a small business, and became a stronger couple in the end. :)"
4."He’s from an upper-middle-class family — they go on multiple vacations a year. They have a pool, boat, and a huge property with a beautiful house in a small, quiet neighborhood. My family was barely above the poverty line — my parents made sure I had what I needed, but we definitely went without often. The power and water would get shut off, and we never went on vacation. My S.O. and I met in high school during junior year, and have been together for nine years. The first shock was definitely the first Christmas we spent together. When we went to his house, I saw a mountain of toys (it easily came up to my waist). It was packed with things like Beyblades, Pokémon merchandise, and dinosaur toys. I thought to myself: 'Wow, his brothers made out well this year.' But nope — that was just one of the three piles of toys in the home. His was smaller, but full of more expensive toys — video games, an Xbox, and iTunes cards galore."
"The most shocking part? He still had expensive presents at his dad's and grandparents' to open."
5."I married into a wealthy family and moved overseas to live with them. They aren’t considered particularly wealthy in their country, but from my home standards, they certainly live in a mansion! I grew up with split parents: one below poverty and one middle-class who always worked. I saw life from both sides of the spectrum. It’s interesting to see how some people have kids (often adult kids) with no concept of money management. Buying designer clothes every week, eating out at expensive fancy restaurants, and ordering in every second night. Then they are surprised how at the end of the month they have no savings."
"It’s so common to hear 30-year-olds getting casual handouts of cash from their wealthy parents. My family wouldn’t have been able to afford to do that on one side (albeit would go into debt to help you if it was an emergency).
Many of these families had a grandparent or parent that worked hard for the money, but the concept and ability to budget was never taught to the kids."
6."My mother-in-law is fairly well-off. She's a really nice person, but it annoys me to no end when she complains about money when she and her husband own three houses. They're all worth over $500,000 each, plus they go on half a dozen vacations a year."
7."I didn't end up marrying this guy because he was such a child. His family babied him his entire life, and his sisters were awful. He was so overly-impressed with himself for doing better in college, when he didn't even consider that all of his friends had to work three jobs just to be there. His entire private schooling, apartment, groceries (literally everything) was paid for out-of-pocket by his family. He was defensive over everything, and could never admit that he had any amount of privilege."
"One of the reasons why I liked him at first was because he had apparently done shit jobs for a large part of his life, so I could relate — I thought he was grounded. TURNS OUT he worked one shit job for two weeks and then quit, never to work again.
This was a shock for me — I can't believe people are actually like this."
8."We aren't married, but have been together for six years and lived together for three years. My S.O.'s family is very well-off, and I still get randomly surprised about it. I remember one time his dad was complaining about wanting a new car because his Mercedes was 'old.' I kind of laughed and said: 'Isn't it only three years old?' And he replied totally stunned: 'Oh my goodness, no — it is five years old!' I couldn't hide the look on my face... I drive a 14-year-old Jeep, and my family still has a 20-year-old Durango. Our personalities definitely haven't changed (that I'm aware of). He knows that he's had advantages in life because of his family's wealth, and is fiscally responsible with his money (although I can't say that about his computer-spending habits)."
9."I dated someone who's significantly more wealthy than my family, and it led to us not marrying. The biggest shock was how ill-prepared he was for life. He had no concept of money (even though he worked to pay for cigs and alcohol). Mommy and daddy paid for everything — she was convinced I was trying to get pregnant to get access to his trust fund. Another shock was his brother getting away with felony-level amounts of cocaine because you know, selling drugs makes more money than working at A&F (back when they were cool). His brother was a minor at the time."
10."I was shocked at how down-to-earth, caring, and giving very wealthy people are in real life. On the internet, they are vilified to the 10th degree, but I have never met anyone in that part of society who wasn't charitable and generally nice to the people around them."
11."My side of the family didn't have two nickels to rub together for a long time. I was the first one in my family to go to college, move out of the state (let alone the town). I didn't know of anything outside a Super 8/Motel 6/Holiday Inn. My clothes were from factory outlets, Kmart, and Walmart, and my first car was a 20-year-old piece of junk that burned oil. I had to take out loans and work full-time to make my way through college. My spouse's side of the family was 100% the polar opposite, but they are so nice. They are charitable, they are kind, and they are earnest. Do I feel like I've changed a bit? Probably... I now feel a bit out of place with my extended family at events, but that was probably bound to happen anyway."
12."Not significantly wealthier (especially not anymore!), but I quite like the change in expectations. My family never did higher education or had goals and dreams — you do your job your whole life and then you die. My husband doesn't come from that idea, and so it's rubbed off on me. I took a few thousand dollars I inherited from my grandmother when she died, and now I run a retail business from a spare room that turns over $300,000. We will have a long way to go, but we are on our way to making this work. My family still can't comprehend what I do, and in the past, they have tried to suggest other work. It doesn't compute that you can work for yourself and that can be your only job!"
13."My daughter married someone with a shit-ton of cash in his pocket. She's earned a decent living herself, but together she's gonna live a lot nicer than she ever did with me growing up. Maybe it's because of the culture differences, but he and I have never seen eye-to-eye on much and don't get along that well. I grew up very poor in a rough neighborhood in Boston, and according to everyone I know, I have an extremely crass and blunt personality. He grew up in an extremely wealthy family in the suburbs — we have next to nothing in common."
"As for my daughter, I think she's definitely changed. I always sensed growing up she resented the lack of money our family had (my son and other daughter seemed to embrace growing up in a blue-collar family and took pride from where they were from). But, my daughter always seemed unable to cope with the fact we couldn't always do the things her friends could.
This is a small thing, but whenever I talk to my daughter and her husband and they casually bring up going out all the time, I feel strange. The idea of having enough money to go out to upscale bars and restaurants is so baffling to me."
14.And finally: "I haven’t married into the family yet, but my long-term partner’s family is far richer than mine. They have a huge house worth over $1 million, two expensive cars, and holidays abroad every year. My family isn’t struggling too much anymore, but they're significantly poorer. The difference in attitudes between my parents and my partner’s was quite shocking. His parents, though well off, are realllly tight with money, whereas my parents are generous to a fault and don’t care about having a lot of money. This became apparent when we both started university. My parents offered me £300 a month for food and living expenses (I paid my rent), which I declined because I knew it was a lot of money to them. My S.O.’s parents, however, begrudgingly agreed to give him £20 a week for food and living expenses. But, they consistently guilted him for this and acted like they had to work extra hours when this was clearly not the case."
"They also made him work from an extremely young age — his dad signed him up for three paper routes at the age of 12, which paid almost nothing and took up large chunks of time outside of school.
And recently, they pressured him to get a job during the four-week break we have from university (even though he has seven exams to revise for). They did this so they don’t have to give him the £20 a week. This makes him pretty stressed and upset."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
