‘Non-strict dad’ goes viral for being the perfect example on how to parent teens
While some of us had “living room parents” and “bedroom parents,” others had “super strict parents intent on sheltering us from real life,” and I’m here to tell you that isn’t AT ALL the vibe anymore. Take this viral video a teen girl posted to TikTok, for example. Her dad is being majorly praised for his parenting approach for simply being “non-strict.”
The TikTok teen, Abby Moxon, captioned her video by explaining that she was going to ask her “non-strict dad” hypothetical questions. She begins by quizzing him with very relatable, very accurate questions about what it’s like parenting teens.
“What would you do if I got a C or lower in a class?” she begins.
“Oh, as long as you tried your hardest, that’s fine.” DING DING, that’s the correct answer! While focusing on school is, of course, important—so is trying your best and accepting the results.
“Okay, what if I snuck out and went to a party and you found out the next morning?” Abby asks next.
“We would talk about it, but it’d be fine,” he responds. No grounding, no taking away phones, etc. Just healthy communication.
When she asks what he’d do if she “cussed him out in a fight,” he said he’d tell her he didn’t like the way she was talking to him and he’d cuss her out himself. (LOL.)
What if she got arrested for shoplifting? He’d tell her that was stupid. What if she skipped class and he found out from the principal? He says “school isn’t that important.” (This goes wholly against the “perfect attendance award” parenting of yesteryear, and I’m here for it. Kids need mental health days, too. However, I’d prefer if my kid just asked me instead of skipping.)
What if she turned off her phone location? Well, he said he’d be mad because then he wouldn’t be able to help her if she needed him, and he’d talk to her about it.
People in the comments section of Abby’s video are absolutely here for her dad’s approach.
“His genuine confusion on why some of these were even questions warmed my heart.”
“‘Non-strict dad” more like “dad built on respect and trust’.”
“I love that she already knew which one was the hard limit and preceded it with “I would never do this.” That’s a good dad.”
“This dad is awesome some of us dads can learn from his answers.”
“I hope you know how blessed you are.”
According to Aha! Parenting, founded by therapist Dr. Laura Markham, strict parenting deprives kids of the opportunity to learn self-discipline and responsibility.
“Harsh limits may temporarily control behavior, but they don’t help a child learn to self-regulate,” the site reads. “Instead, harsh limits trigger a resistance to taking responsibility for themselves. There is no internal tool more valuable for kids than self-discipline, but it develops from the internalization of loving limits. No one likes to be controlled, so it’s not surprising that kids reject limits that aren’t empathic. They see the “locus of control” outside of themselves, rather than WANTING to behave.”
Additionally, research shows that strict parenting may lead kids to act out because of stress.
Obviously, there is no one “perfect” way to parent, and you know your child best. Usually, kids respond well to a variety of different approaches depending on the situation. But if you know your child reacts poorly to stressful, strict interactions—knowing what works better for them will ultimately promote positive development.
And a positive relationship with you, too. When our kids trust us, they talk to us. And there’s nothing more important than those two things.
