No, Trader Joe’s Employees Are Not Trained to Flirt With Us

We’ve all been there. You’re at the front of the line at Trader Joe's. You’re thinking about the errands you have to run, the emails you forgot to send, and whether you can get away with ordering takeout after spending $96 on groceries, when suddenly—

“I love this stuff.”

You look up. An angel in a Hawaiian shirt is speaking. It’s your Trader Joe’s cashier, complimenting your taste. They’re making eye contact that feels more direct and profound than anything you have ever experienced from a parent. You mutter something that doesn’t make grammatical sense about how yeah, the Scalloped Cracker Trio really is the greatest. They’re bagging your groceries and asking about your day, their biceps bulging nonconfrontationally under their short shirt sleeve. You feel a radiating warmth like the molten edge of a microwaved Reduced-Guilt Mac and Cheese.

This Trader Joe’s employee is flirting with me, you think to yourself.

The idea that Trader Joe’s employees are flirting with us is one that has long percolated in the mind of the shopping public. “Is He Flirting With You, or Does He Just Work at Trader Joe’s?” reads a 2018 headline from Reductress, the satirical feminist news site. Twitter is littered with years of Trader Joe’s employee thirst-tweets. During the pandemic, as interactions with strangers have been limited to emergencies and grocery shopping, this has reached a fever pitch. Countless tweets and TikToks suggest that a vast number of people believe that when we step into the wide aisles of Trader Joe’s, we suddenly become irresistible to service workers.

Are Trader Joe’s employees trained to flirt with customers? That’s the claim that has been circulating online for months. “I’ve been seeing this thing on TikTok talking about how the cashiers at Trader Joe’s are like trained to flirt with you,” said YouTuber Emma Chamberlain in a vlog viewed four and a half million times. “Is this true?”

Well, is it? 

“Oh, God. No, Trader Joe’s employees do not get trained to flirt,” says V., who worked at a Trader Joe’s in New Jersey from 2017 to 2019 and asked to go by her first initial for privacy. Renee*, who worked at a Trader Joe’s in the mid-Atlantic region from 2014 to 2016, says, “No one I knew got trained or encouraged to flirt with customers.”  

“Absolutely no one told me to flirt with customers. To be honest, I did that on my own,” says Josh, who worked at a Bay Area Trader Joe’s from 2014 to 2015. And current Trader Joe’s employee Jonny* says, “I’ve worked at 10 stores in two different states, and this is the first I’ve heard about flirting.”  

Responses from all eight former and current Trader Joe’s employees who spoke to Glamour for this story were unanimous—they had never experienced or heard of Trader Joe’s management training employees to flirt with customers. But many offered explanations for why it often feels like TJ’s employees like us so much.

“I must say, out of all of the media inquiries I’ve received, I’ve never been asked that question,” Kenya Friend-Daniel, the national director of public relations for Trader Joe’s, wrote in an email to Glamour. “While I don’t really think you can train people to flirt or be nice, we do like to hire nice people.”

“People confuse being nice with flirting,” says V., simply. And Renee agrees: “I think the main thing that contributes to that impression is that we were encouraged to be nice and friendly,” she says. Like so many of her colleagues, Renee says that she was encouraged to open products on the floor and let customers taste them, or give out small bouquets or candy bars for free from time to time. She took it as an opportunity to brighten the day of customers who mentioned shopping for a loved one who was in the hospital, or if a shopper mentioned having had a hard day. Tyler*, who worked at a Florida store, argues that Trader Joe’s may hire people who are quirky and extroverted. “It’s a societal perception that conflates [those qualities] with ‘happy,’” he says. 

Is it possible that we’re so addled by the isolation and depersonalization of modern life that we confuse a person in a name tag saying, “That’s a great hummus you’ve got there!” with romantic attention? Every person who spoke to Glamour for this story explained that their training at Trader Joe’s emphasized customer service, which is, of course, not the same as flirting. “They do remind you that part of Trader Joe’s appeal is its famously friendly atmosphere and ask that you do what you can to maintain that,” says Philip.

We’re not saying this is 100% true! It just…might be something to consider. 

One employee said that as a Trader Joe’s employee, they took part in employee outings and bonding experiences, which he thinks contributes to a friendlier in-store atmosphere. It warms the heart to know that when you are home unbagging your groceries, the cashiers at number 12 and number 24 might also be sharing a bag of Scandinavian Swimmers.

Leaders at Trader Joe’s tend to answer the “Why are your workers so nice?” question by saying that Trader Joe’s hires nice people and then makes the company a great place to work, with above-average wages and fair treatment. This ultimately makes employees happier and thus friendlier. “It turns out taking care of our crew is good business,” quips Matt Sloan, the company’s VP of marketing, in the company’s own podcast on the topic.

But what do the workers say?

“For the most part, I have to agree with the theory that most employees are just happier there,” says Philip. “The pay was decent—for what the job was, anyway—with reviews and opportunities for pay increases every six months. My higher-ups were always so friendly and kind; I think it’s a little infectious.” Jonny, the longtime, current Trader Joe’s employee, agrees. But a few of the people who spoke to Glamour about Trader Joe’s had more complicated experiences.

Trader Joe’s made headlines recently for increasing hazard pay for hourly, nonmanagement workers during the pandemic. But the company also canceled midyear raises, like the ones mentioned by Philip above. In late February, according to reporting from the Daily Beast, a Trader Joe’s employee in Manhattan was terminated after he sent a letter to the company’s CEO recommending that stores adopt more thorough COVID safety practices in stores to protect workers and patrons. He was rehired, but only after the story received major attention from media and COVID scientists. (The company denied that they fired him because of the letter.) According to New York Times reporting, the company has worked to undermine unionization efforts.

Trader Joe’s is one of the most profitable American grocery stores. Pretty much every analysis of the company’s success points to the environment created by friendly, feel-good workers. Considering how much revenue Trader Joe’s employees help generate for the brand by making people feel happy, the company should be seriously invested in keeping them happy too. When we catch the crystal-clear gaze of the person restocking the cauliflower gnocchi, we might not know whether they’re flirting with us, but we should at least know that they’re happy, safe, and well-paid.

And as for us, the customers? Will we ever get the group therapy we need to stop grasping for crumbs of affection from hardworking strangers? Will we ever feel as physically, emotionally, and intellectually nourished as we do when our Trader Joe’s cashier says, “No worries, I can definitely get this all into one bag”?

While we ponder this, we should treat workers at Trader Joe’s, and all grocery stores, the way we want them to treat us. Start with a friendly smile, ask a genuine question, and then—why not—present them with a bouquet of flowers. They deserve it.

(Okay, but this could still happen…)

*Name changed for privacy.

Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour. You can follow her on Twitter. 

Originally Appeared on Glamour