What is a ‘no contact’ journal, and can it help you heal from a bad breakup?
What’s worse than coping with a broken heart? Some would say maintaining distance from your ex, especially when all you want is to see and talk to them again. Recently, however, many Gen Z-ers have taken to TikTok to show how they’ve been coping with the urge to hit up their former flames: by filling up pages of their “no contact” journals.
Laura Schmidt (@lovendu), the founder of U.K.-based stationery brand Lovendu, explained the idea behind a “no contact” journal and its purpose.
“A ‘no contact’ journal is a journal that you use when you’re trying to not contact someone. … Instead of texting them or dropping them a DM, you write in your journal what you want to say to them,” she says on Oct. 8. “It’s the perfect journal to help you get over someone, if you’re currently going through a bit of a breakup and you’re trying to really not talk to that person. … It’s a good way to process feelings and kinda get that emotional release.”
In a new trend, Gen Z creators are posting videos of themselves flipping through pages of their “no contact” journals. TikTok user Tatum Tande (@tatumtande) claims to have written “50 pages of conversation” in her journal.
Sabrina Zohar (@sabrina.zohar), a dating coach and host of the podcast Do the Work, encourages a “no contact” approach to breaking up if there are no children, animals or assets in the picture.
“We have to remember, the person who hurt you isn’t going to be the one to heal you,” Zohar told In The Know by Yahoo via email. “No contact gives you emotional clarity, once you’ve had time to process you can determine your part in the relationship and learn from the entirety of your experience. No contact allows you to avoid regrettable texts or protest to win someone back which comes from low self-esteem and an inner child that needs you.”
“Genuinely to only way to survive no contact,” @mninarp wrote in response to Tande’s video.
@manicpixie.dream.girl also advocated for writing as a way to cope with a breakup: “This makes no contact 100x easier its amazing. Journals, letters, poems, everything.”
@sxvr.r, on the other hand, relies on her phone to process her thoughts. “I write in my phone in notes, or even use voice memos and say everything i’d say to them as if i was speaking to him. it heals fr,” she commented.
The benefit of going “no contact” with an ex partner, according to VeryWell Mind, is that you’re giving yourself the opportunity to grieve the relationship and process your feelings about it. Keeping in contact with them, or contacting mutual friends to gather information on how they’re doing, could negate your progress.”
“If you continue to stay in contact with an ex, there is a possibility that these emotions will continue to remain high in intensity,” Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, a psychologist for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, told the outlet.
Other creators have since shown their own use of “no contact” journals. As of reporting, the #nocontactjournal has more than 170,800 views.
Zohar also advocates for the use of “no contact” journals to process unresolved feelings.
“Journaling in general is an amazing way to process feelings and emotions,” she continued. “Our brains are designed to keep us safe and ruminating is a way to ‘protect’ you and reaffirm core beliefs that it’s all you etc. Journaling is an outlet, you can put anything and get it off your mind and onto paper. Writing a text or sharing your feelings without involving them is incredibly cathartic.”
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