The No. 1 Thing You Should Do Before Letting Anyone Into Your Home For A Party
- Oops!Something went wrong.Please try again later.
As far as jobs go, Deesha Dyer had one of the coolest.
While serving as social secretary in Barack Obama’s presidential administration from 2015 to 2017, she planned and oversaw all of the official and personal events at the White House. These included Pope Francis’ historic visit; state dinners with leaders from China, Canada, Italy, Singapore and Italy; and performances by Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé and Aretha Franklin, among others.
Dyer recently joined us — Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, the hosts of HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast — to chat about what it was like to party with the president and first lady, and to offer tips for throwing our own killer shindigs.
Listen to the full episode here:
“It was fabulous. ... We had a cool president who was very much into culture and partying and entertaining,” Dyer, the author of “Undiplomatic: How My Attitude Created the Best Kind of Trouble,” told us. “So I didn’t have to convince either one of them — the president or the first lady — to do cool stuff or to try new ideas, because they were just always open and up for anything.”
The former social secretary, who began her career at the White House as an intern, revealed that one of her favorite moments involved meeting musicians she had idolized when she was young.
“I’m an ’80s kid ... so I grew up with the whole Prince, Madonna, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson era,” she said.
“And when we had Prince come through the White House, I lost my everlasting mind. I almost forgot that I had a job. ... He was standing right in front of me and I was like, ‘Does anybody else [understand] the impact of this moment?’” she recalled.
“Then Stevie Wonder walks in the room to say hi to Prince and ... then Bruce Springsteen walks in the room,” she added. “And I’m in charge of making sure these people get to [where they need to be]. They’re looking at me for direction. I think at some point the president probably was like, ‘Deesha?’ [because] I think I zoned out — like, this is my childhood in one room!”
Even if we’re not inviting pop stars to our parties or booking college marching bands to play at our game nights, there are still some things we can do to make sure our guests have a blast — and there’s definitely one thing you want to do before anyone arrives.
“I have to tell you the number-one thing” to do before a party, Michelson said. “I went to a friend’s party back in November [and I was one of the first people to arrive], and they didn’t clean their toilet. I mean, when I say they didn’t clean their toilet, I mean they didn’t clean their toilet. And I was just thinking, what’s wrong with you? You know that many people are going to be using this, and you’ve obviously used it aggressively recently. ... You don’t have to hire Merry Maids and do the entire apartment, but I think there are certain things [you should definitely do], like wipe down the toilet.”
Dyer added that preplanning a location for coats and bags is another smart move that many hosts don’t consider, but should, because it will prevent confusion and awkwardness.
“It’s like, where does it go? And you’re looking around, especially if it’s a small space. ... Does it go on the bed? Some people don’t like that,” she said. “Does it go on the back of the chair, where it ends up looking like a coatroom where you’re having the party? And it doesn’t seem that big of a deal until you get into a space where you walk in and you see a pile of coats. ... Carve out something so [your place doesn’t] look like Burlington Coat Factory.”
She noted that you also don’t want your guests to feel like they have to take charge of the situation instead of enjoying the party.
“I’m like the guest who sees another guest coming in and I end up being coat check — ‘oh, well, you can put it over here’ — and you don’t want your guests doing that,” she said.
During our conversation Dyer also gave tips for what to serve (from cocktails to mocktails to lowbrow snacks like Cool Ranch Doritos that can offer a delightfully nostalgic surprise), ways to encourage guests to chat without making them feel like they’re being forced to mingle, and one of the most important things to remember when throwing a party.
“As the host — and this is so hard — don’t forget to enjoy your guests,” Dyer said.
“[Working at] the White House definitely did not help with this. ... I’m constantly on alert of, who needs [something]? Who has an empty glass? Who needs this? Because that was my job. ... I just did a dinner to honor [writer] Audre Lorde’s 90th birthday, if she would have been alive, and [I invited] Black women authors. I had two friends that were not invited [because] they weren’t authors, and they said, ‘Can we come and do it so you could sit down and enjoy the party?’ And I said yes, but then even so, I was micromanaging. They were like: ‘Deesha! Sit down — you’re not enjoying your guests.’ So I think that one of the things is for us to enjoy our guests. I think that’s extremely important.”
For more party-planning advice, listen to the full episode above or wherever you get your podcasts, and subscribe to “Am I Doing It Wrong?” so you don’t miss a single episode, including our investigations of the ins and outs of tipping, how to score the best deals on airline tickets, how to apologize or vanquish your credit card debt, how to find love online or overcome anxiety, tips for online shopping, taking care of your teeth and pooping like a pro, secrets to booking and staying in a hotel, how to deal with an angry person, cooking tips from celebrity chef Jet Tila, shocking laundry secrets and more.
For more from Dyer, visit her website.
Need some help with something you’ve been doing wrong? Email us at AmIDoingItWrong@HuffPost.com, and we might investigate the topic in an upcoming episode.
