Nissan Pulsar, MG F, Alfa Romeo 2000 Berlina: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online
It’s almost Thanksgiving here in the United States. What are you thankful for this year? Me, I’m thankful for Craigslist, and all the weird and wondrous cars it brings us. And, of course, I’m thankful for all of you — the prospective buyers of the internet’s Dopest Cars.
For this week, we’ve got an extravagant selection. Muscle cars, imports, off-roaders and bikes. The usual mix, sure, but this is a special occasion — let’s see if we can elevate each and every pick this week.
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1988 Nissan Pulsar - $9,000
Why not start off strong, with one of the weirder Nissans to ever leave a factory? One of the weirder cars ever built, arguably, with its oddly modular body design. A removable rear cap, T-tops, and pop-up headlights? An embarrassment of riches.
This Pulsar is also unique in one other way — the QAnon sticker on the back. Someone, please, buy this car and rescue it from its current owner. It deserves better.
1983 Mazda B2000 - $3,800
I know, I said we’d elevate things this week, and here I am talking about a $3,800 pickup truck that needs work. Hear me out. This is from the ‘80s, back when pickup trucks were a size you could actually use. It’s also a Mazda, which is a brand you no longer see on pickups. Small, dead cars are inherently cool.
Sure, this B2000 may not have four-wheel-drive, or a working battery, or a functioning parking brake, or a properly running engine, or be free of rust, but how much do those things really matter? It’s a small, dead truck! It’s perfect just the way it is.
1966 Ford F100 - $12,500
Artsy photos! That’s elevated, right? A washed-out photo of a washed-up truck, done with its glory days and ready to live out the rest of its life in quiet solitude. It’s retired, out of the game.
But you could pull this F100 back in for one last job. It still runs, still hauls, still has a bed ready to be loaded up with cargo. This truck can still go places, still do Truck Stuff. All you have to do is ask it.
2005 Suzuki GZ250 - $1,000
Fun fact: This is the bike I rode while taking my MSF course to get my motorcycle license. The class had a number of GZ250s, all with their mirrors “modified by prior students” (snapped off). Why not start your riding career the same way?
This GZ250 makes a perfect beginner bike, with low power and a low seat that make it unintimidating for new riders. It may not run perfectly, but that just gives you a chance to learn to rebuild a carburetor. It’s a very instructional motorcycle.
2020 BMW F 850 GS Adventure - $15,500
And, once you’ve learned on the Suzuki, why not step up to the big leagues? Middleweight adventure bikes are all the rage right now, with their off-road capability matched by on-road comfort. Turns out, long suspensions eat up potholes just as well as sand dunes.
This 850 GS is an Adventure model, with an extended fuel tank for even longer trips. It also has cargo racks out back, and those classic BMW M colors. Plus, who doesn’t love gold wheels?
1996 MG F - $19,000
The ad calls this MG F “the last true MG ever made.” I’m sure 60-year-old men in dusty leather jackets could argue that point back and forth for months, but what’s important here is the car itself — not its legacy.
This is a weird, two-door, mid-engine, manual-transmission convertible from the UK. How many of those are you going to see every day? Approximately zero, by my estimation. Unless you live in the UK, in which case, isn’t it late over there? Go have dinner with your family.
1974 Mercedes Benz - $6,900
Speaking of 60-year-old men, is there a better retirement car on God’s green earth than this 450 SL? Brown exterior, brown interior, brown wheels — we’re reaching truly unprecedented levels of Jalop here. If only it were a diesel.
For less than seven grand, you could have a South Florida retirement car. Something where you can hop in, set cruise control at seventeen miles an hour, and crank your Jimmy Buffet to an entirely reasonable volume. Tell me that isn’t your dream.
2005 Food Truck - $46,995
But maybe you don’t want to retire. Maybe you want to do something fun, change up your scenery, become a valued member of your community. Well, who’s more valued than the local food truck? No one, that’s who.
This food truck was built up just two years ago, and seems fully kitted out for the business. Just, maybe give it a slightly more enticing name — something catchy, two syllables with the emphasis on the first.
1997 Chevrolet Corvette - $9,500
Okay, this Corvette may be a sketchy ad. It may be one single photo, clearly screenshotted, that’s just been cropped two different ways. But the price isn’t so low as to seem like a scam — more likely, it’s a Boomer trying to rid themselves of a mid-life crisis.
The seller even offers a video walk-around, meaning you can ensure the car is real long before you ever visit its Florida home. Plus, video may let you get an even better look at those sweet, sweet flames on the front. What’s better than that?
2003 Toyota 4Runner - $6,950
Maybe the ability to go anywhere, that might be better. Few cars will take you to as many places as a 4Runner, and fewer still that aren’t fellow Toyota SUVs. Better yet, this car might actually get you back — its full service history means it’s likely still in great mechanical shape.
The lights could use a bit of cleanup, and the seller could use a few photography classes, but those little details won’t hurt the car itself. Instead, they’ll only hurt its asking price. That’s a deal right there.
1972 Chevrolet Chevelle - $56,800
If you’re more concerned with going fast than with going far, perhaps you’d be more interested in a Chevelle with a blower sticking out of the hood. The interior looks bone stock at first glance, but a longer peek shows modern gauges and a five-point belt for the driver. This Chevelle is race ready, if you swap out those wheels.
Do that, and you’ll have a perfect Mad Max-style muscle car. Plus, the wheels are the kind of gaudy five-spoke that you can sell off to other muscle car owners. That’s a discount, that’s money, that’s Cash App.
1972 Alfa Romeo 2000 Berlina - $23,600
When most people talk about returning to tradition, they mean some hellish Christian nationalism in which no one has bodily autonomy. That sucks. What they should be talking about is returning to the tradition of three-box sedans. That’s a tradition I can get behind.
Bonus points for this particular sedan being a gorgeous red Alfa Romeo. Further bonuses for the period-correct Minilite-style wheels, which my generation will likely recognize as RS Watanabes. Sorry, folks, Europe had them first.
2011 Honda CR-Z - $7,500
There was a point in my life where I came very, very close to buying a CR-Z. Yeah, it’s a kind-of-slow hybrid, but it’s such a good size — nice and compact, without sacrificing cargo space. It has a strong aftermarket, thanks to Japan, and it just looks cool.
Oh, and did I mention that you can slap a supercharger on one and make absolutely raucous power? Come on, it’s a Honda — did you think it was going to be boring? Buy this, supercharge it, and have a blast out through the canyons. You deserve it.
1987 Chevy Blazer - $21,500
Actually, you know what? I take this entry back. You shouldn’t buy this ex-Bureau of Land Management K5 blazer, in its perfect blue-and-white color combo. You shouldn’t look at its low mileage, immaculate exterior and interior, and have your eyes go wide. You shouldn’t get absorbed by its chrome trim, and start dreaming of seeing your reflection in those perfectly polished fenders.
You shouldn’t do any of this, because I want to. I want this Blazer. I want it so bad. Instead of being interested in it, you should just send me $21,500 and I’ll buy it for you. I’ll even write about it, so you’ll still get to see it. Do we have a deal?
1985 Toyota Van - $4,500
I used to live in Rochester, NY, home of the garbage plate and Joywave. Up there, my favorite coffee shop was a little place called Glen Edith — home of the best coffee and waffles in the city. Glen Edith’s logo was an old van, two-toned and angular and weird. Reader, I swear to you, it was this van.
This Toyota Van is, admittedly, not a perfect representation of Glen Edith’s logo. But I chalk the differences up to stylization, making the logo stand out a touch more than the vehicle does. Buy this van, out in California, and cruise across the country to Rochester with it. It would be the perfect road trip: taking this beautiful vehicle home.
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