We've all heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that's on par with having hair like a Victoria's Secret angel and a metabolism that can burn right through morning bagels. But sexperts are here to reassure us all that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that we can all have them!
How many orgasms can you actually have?
The limit does not exist. "I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her partner. She may be the extreme but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman," says holistic sex and relationship expert Kim Anami.
Obviously, we don't need to convince anyone how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. (And, that being said, there are a ton of health benefits of sex even if you don't O.) "Touch, pleasure, and orgasms all have a host of health benefits, including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional well-being," says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, she adds, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness for the woman. (Read more: Your Brain On An Orgasm)
And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you'd be with two or more!
So, the question on all of our minds is: How can you have multiple orgasms?! "Many women don't allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms," Rose explains. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple Os, follow these seven steps:
Photo: Serge Krouglikoff / Getty Images
1. Check your emotions.
Building arousal and experiencing multiple orgasms in one go is definitely about physical technique (don't worry, we'll get there), but the first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. “Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything,” says Rose. (And avoid these five common libido-crushers.)
It's as easy as believing it's possible for you personally to climax more than once, Anami says. Next is learning to relax: "Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go," Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, Rose says. (If you're having trouble just getting to one, read about the real reason you can't orgasm during sex.)
2. Slow them down.
This is important if you're with a male partner. (If you have a female partner, you might not have to worry about this one.) "Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more," Anami says. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call "the arousal gap." How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads us to…
3. Let them lavish you with pleasure.
Your partner wants nothing more than to see you orgasm once or twice (don't worry, if it's a guy, he'll catch up!). "Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure," says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills, give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like "I'm taking too long" or "They must be getting bored down there," then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to have an amazing orgasm by eliminating distraction.)
4. Help them with hand work.
"For most women, your partner's hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure they know how to use them," Rose says. Show them exactly how you like to be touched—and then let them explore. (If you aren't quite sure, it's time for some solo exploration: Follow these tips for an amazing masturbation session.) "A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for a good reason, as this combination allows stimulation of both the external clitoris and its internal roots," Rose suggests. Move their hands to where you touch yourself, and give them audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
5. Take a breath.
"After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away," Rose says. Focus on your breathing: "When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow," Anami says. "The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you'll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm."
6. Turn to orgasmic intercourse.
If you're moving on to penetrative sex, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. The majority of women worldwide don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. "For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse," she adds. (Start here: Make use of these best sex positions for clitoral stimulation and how to get more pleasure out of common sex positions.)
7. Keep the connection.
The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you're on the same wavelength as your partner can help. "Maintaining eye contact is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences," Anami explains.
And once you reach your second orgasm, the doors are wide open: "If you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience," Rose says. If it doesn't happen the first time, don't worry—practicing having multiple orgasms is something you and your partner can both enjoy.