Moving up - Tips to smooth the transition from elementary to middle school
Advice – wanted or not – is found at every turn during pregnancy and the newborn stage. But by the time kiddos are moving up from elementary to middle school, there are fewer resources to help parents pave the way for their tweens. That doesn’t mean this season is any less important for a child’s physical and emotional development than those early months. And the summer break is prime time to assess where you are and how to make the first day of school a little less daunting for everyone in the family.
Moving up to middle school is likely to be one of the biggest transitions your tween has faced. It is often a huge change in learning environment, schedule, friend groups and much more. Is your child ready to go to middle school? Are you ready? Here’s what we found out.
Connection and communication
Connecting and communicating with your teen/tween can be challenging when they are striving for independence. Family counselor Della Pope, who specializes in counseling for tweens and teens, said it is important to listen to your children, even if they push you away.
“It will be different for every child,” Pope said. “Not every sixth grader will need the same support.”
It’s also important to take what you learn from talking and listening to your child and communicate and connect with their teachers.
Jody Montrie, a licensed clinical mental health counselor supervisor and sixth grade school counselor at Enka Intermediate School, said, “If a parent establishes a connection with the school early on to discuss their child, it’s easier to keep and maintain the connection for further communication as the year progresses.”
Social media
Recent research has shown the negative impacts social media can have on teenagers. Yet for teens and tweens, phones and social media can be a big part of how they want to connect socially.
“I think it’s super important for parents to understand developmentally what’s happening with their tween,” Montrie said. “It’s the onset of puberty, their hormones start shifting and at the same time they are being introduced by friends to social media. I especially encourage parents to research how to manage social media, (how to) block it, and have conversations about what their children could encounter online.”
Bullying
Many tweens/teens will encounter bullying in some form during middle school, either as a victim, perpetrator or bystander. Pope said it's crucial to have conversations with your tween/teen about what it means to be in any of these roles. Pope also offers advice directly to tweens. She wants them to find a trusted adult at school – someone they know is on their team: “This can take time to find that person and build those relationships so you have someone to go to if you are being bullied. Also, always say something if you encounter bullying.”
Read more: Children who are victims of bullying need adults' support
Boundary setting
One of the hardest parts of parenting is practicing tough love and setting consistent boundaries. But those boundaries are crucial for tweens to help them feel safe and to protect them from unhealthy social media.
“As a mother of teens and a school counselor, I can truly say one of the most important things kids need from us is firm consistent boundaries at home,” Montrie said. “This helps support them in school and other relationships.”
Pope agreed and said parents should consider what their hard lines are.
“I strongly encourage parents to decide what their non-negotiable boundaries are, especially around topics like social media access, screen time, bedtime. But I encourage families to make it a conversation where they ask for their tween’s input and also explain why they are setting these limits,” she said.
Every kid is different
Just like babies and toddlers, there is no one size fits all for tweens and teens. It’s important to understand that each one is an individual and may need different support. Some simply need more help as they navigate the social, emotional and other changes that can feel as if they are happening all at once.
Parents, take care of you too
It's hard to be a good parent if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
“What you want from your tween, practice for yourself,” Pope said. “Model for your tween being flexible, create order, communicate using Post-its, calendars, digital calendars with you. Expect to forget things. Your tween is going to be forgetting about a lot of stuff. Give them and yourself grace. Most importantly, ask for help when you need it and accept help even when you think you don’t.”
Pope recommends these resources for parents:
“Decoding Boys” by Cara Natterson
“How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elain Mazlish
Dr. Aliza Pressman’s podcast series “Raising Good Humans” (Many of the episodes focus on parenting teens.)
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: Moving up - Tips to smooth the transition from elementary to middle school
