In a Moving Speech, Ariana Grande Opens Up About the Best Year of Her Career and the Worst of Her Life

For Ariana Grande, the hits just keep on coming. “I want to say that I find it interesting that this has been one of the best years of my career and the worst of my life,” the singer said at Billboard's Women in Music event on Thursday night, where she accepted the Woman of the Year award from Patti LaBelle. Grande used the opportunity to open up about the effect the past year—in which her ex-boyfriend Mac Miller died of an overdose and she began and soon ended an engagement to comedian Pete Davidson, who has since been bullied by her fans online—has had on her. “I’m not saying that for sympathy. I’m just saying that because I think a lot of people would look at someone in my position right now . . . and think, ‘She’s really got her shit together,’ Ya know? Like, ‘She’s really on it.’ Like, ‘She’s got it all.’ “ Grande said, “I do, but as far as my personal life goes, I really have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. So yeah, it’s been a very conflicting one.”

“I just want to say if you’re someone out there who has no idea what this next chapter’s gonna bring, you’re not alone in that,” Grande said from the stage. “You’re not alone in that. I’m really looking forward to embracing whatever happens, whatever comes my way.”

In her comments, Grande also stayed true to one of her more recent musical themes, namely from hit songs like “Thank U, Next”: eschewing romance in favor of improving her relationship with herself first. “I look forward to hopefully learning to give some of the love and forgiveness that I’ve given away so frivolously and easily to men in the past to myself hopefully this year,” she said. “I have everything I’ve ever dreamt of having, and as of late I’ve discovered that it’s the things I’ve always had and the people I’ve always had that still make me the happiest.”