The More the Merrier? What you need to know before you have a second child
You did it! You’ve made it through the sleepless newborn nights. Maybe you’ve even conquered the terrible twos and now you are fully in the swing of parenting. But wait, didn’t you want a second child? A built-in best friend for your firstborn? Are you ready to start the newborn phase all over again?
The idea of a second child comes with so many questions. Will there be enough love, energy and space to go around? How will a second child affect your first child? Your marriage? Life in general?
While only you can determine if you are ready to have a second (third, or fourth) baby, here are people who can help you think through the difficult questions.
Mental health and marriage health therapists
Clearly, the first person to talk to about having a second child is your partner. You both need to agree on if or when you should have a second baby. A therapist or counselor can make sure you are communicating well and have dealt with workload disparities, past traumas and other triggers that parenting can uncover. Even if there aren’t any huge issues to discuss, having a mental health and marriage health check-in before doubling your parenting responsibilities is a great idea. While checking in, this is also a good time to get professional advice on how to prepare your first child for a baby sibling.
Physical health
As you are well aware, pregnancy takes a huge toll on the body. Talk with your OB-GYN to make sure your body is ready for a second baby. Your OB-GYN will also be a good resource if you have trouble getting pregnant this time. According to the Mayo Clinic, if you're younger than 35 and have been trying for a year to get pregnant, or older than 35 and have been trying for six months, you and your partner should see your healthcare provider to be evaluated for secondary infertility.
Financial planning
We’ve discussed mental health and physical health. Financial health is the next consideration. You already know that kids are expensive. Adding another baby means adding more health insurance, life insurance and maybe even upping your savings and investments to make sure you are in good financial health. A new baby will impact both your long-term financial planning (hello, college) and your day-to-day budget (extra childcare costs aren’t cheap), so taking the time now to make sure your finances are in order will take some money stress away later.
Space planning
Remember when you first set up the Pack ’n Play or unfolded the brand-new stroller? Do you remember how much space those things take up? Getting ready for a second baby means pulling all those large baby items back out (hopefully you kept some) and combining them with all your first child’s big toys and such. Do you have enough space? Will the kids be sharing a room? Where will the newborn sleep? Is your car big enough? Addressing the practical matters of space could mean hiring a home organizer, general contractor, real estate agent or just begging friends and family to come help you make sense of things. Just make sure you are deciding where things go before you are nine months pregnant and exhausted.
Childcare
Whether it is a daycare, a babysitter or grandma, you are going to need childcare at some point. First, think about what childcare you might need for your firstborn during your pregnancy when you could be exhausted, miserable or in labor. Once the newborn arrives, having someone who can take your firstborn out on special adventures and look after the baby while you shower or rest will be a huge help. Finally, if/when you are ready to put your second born in daycare or preschool, you need to know if there is a waitlist or anything you need to do in advance. Some of those waitlists can get really long, so go ahead and check now.
Mom friends
Having mom friends that will let your older child come play, get you out of the house for a stroller walk around the park or just commiserate when you are overwhelmed is invaluable. Now is a great time to ask other moms about how they felt when they welcomed their second child, what they wish they had known then or what their best advice is. While no one’s experience with a second child is the same, having other parents who can say “oh yeah – we’ve been there, done that” is extremely helpful.
Having another child does come with all sorts of difficult questions, but that new baby will also come with more cuddles, more giggles and more of all the little and big things you have come to love about being a parent. Good luck!
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: The More the Merrier? What you need to know before you have a second child
