Mom in Hot Water After Confronting Mother-in-Law Over Her Child’s Lost Hat
Everyone knows that in marriage, you have to pick your battles — and that includes conflicts with your in-laws. A mom took to the parenting website Mumsnet to air her grievances toward her mother-in-law, whom she’d recently confronted about stealing her daughter’s winter hat. More accurately, she accused the grandmother of stealing the girl’s hat and dressing her other granddaughter in it, though it’s unclear whether the grandmother intentionally lifted the beanie or just got confused.
In her post, which was republished in the Daily Mail, the mom wrote, “My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday). I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I’d searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she’d seen it and she swore blind she hadn’t. A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed. Yesterday afternoon I’d taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter … wearing the bloody hat!!! [Am I being unreasonable] to think that you just don’t do that?!”
In another comment, she continued, “I said to her ‘I see you’ve found DD’s hat. I won’t leave a child out in the cold with no hat so I’ll pop round tomorrow and pick it up from you. Also, if you find something that belongs to my DD again, please let me know.’”
The Mumsnet community was split. Some did indeed think the mom was being unreasonable, if not a little petty to boot. One person wrote, “That was pretty rude of you,” to which another commenter replied, “Why??? I think it was pretty calm all things considered.” Another person wrote, “It was rude. It’s a hat, not worth being passive aggressive and embarrassing someone who does you a huge favour and has saved goodness knows how much money in childcare.” Someone else pointed out, “It’s a bloody hat, get a grip. She very well could have gotten mixed up and you’ve completely over reacted. All you had to do was say “oh that’s DD’s hat”. I highly doubt it was some nefarious plan to change the owner of said hat.”
One person was a bit more gentle in her criticism, writing, “Are you sure it was deliberate? Maybe she found the hat and assumed it belonged to other [granddaughter]. Then she either forgot or isn’t want to admit it to you. It’s annoying but buying a new hat is a drop in the motion compared to the childcare costs you’re saving so I really wouldn’t make a huge deal. If your [daughter] was at nursery things would go missing sometimes too.”
A more sarcastic community member wrote, “I hope you snapped it off the child’s head and slapped your mil on the face with it. I would have shoved them both too. Seriously though, are you sure it’s the same one. Your mil is very good to mind your child, I would not say anything. I would just let it go. Happy Christmas.”
But the majority of the message board community sided with the defensive mom. “I don’t think its rude to have confronted her, it’s a weird thing to do and in a way showing favouritism towards the other grandchild. Even if you hadn’t said anything she’d have been embarrassed and gone red, simply for being caught out. The fact that someone minds a child for one day a week doesn’t mean you haven’t the right to call them out over behaviour such as this,” concluded one commenter.
Another asked what everyone was thinking: “You did take the hat back didn’t you??” Another wrote, “I don’t think it was that rude, mil knew she was looking for it and the fact she went red means she knew all along it didn’t belong to the one who was wearing it. Yes it might seem petty but no way would I be able to just ignore that.” Someone else chimed in, “I think you’ve done exactly the right thing – assertive but not aggressively so. It’s your daughter’s hat, bought for her by you to match a coat she had, admittedly that she’s probably grown out of by now but that’s not the point. It’s your daughter’s hat.”
A neutral commenter suggested, “Just put a label on everything. Buy pack of sticky ones so it doesn’t take any time to put them on, and they survive the wash. I have even put labels on the teddies!” The thread has more than 1,000 comments — but is no longer accepting new comments — so the mom’s dilemma definitely struck a nerve.
What do you think? Was this mom justified in her reaction, or did she overreact?
Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day.
