As pretty much anyone who's ever given birth can tell you, the postpartum period is an unglamorous time. You're sore, you might have a stitched up perineum and boobs like leaky torpedoes, and you've gotten approximately zero sleep. Not to mention the tiny, helpless human who is completely dependent on you for their survival. During those early days, it's hard to go from the bed to the kitchen and no mom ever has said, "Hey you know what would be fun today? A pool party!"
One new mom, posting under the username lady_MP, took to Reddit to ask for advice when her mother-in-law insisted she, and her five-day-old preemie, attend a spur of the moment family pool party. Commenters on the popular channel r/JNMIL, Just No Mother In Law, were quick to point out the sheer absurdity of the idea that a woman who had just given birth might want to lounge around a pool in her mega pad and mesh panties, nursing her preemie with her bloody and cracked nipples, while family members frolicked in the water and ate hot dogs.
The mom posted on Reddit that her 3-year-old told her that the family was going to a pool party and the mom wrote, "I said "Oh really now?" because he often tells me we are going places like the moon and Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood." But her 3-year-old wasn't playing pretend, as her husband informed her.
"Y'all. His family LOVES to do things at the ELEVENTH HOUR. Every holiday, birthday and random celebration is last minute. I'm used to this and usually roll with it," the mom wrote, "but I AM 5 DAYS POSTPARTUM. 5."
"For anyone who has ever experienced the miracle of childbirth knows that day 5, you are still in industrial-sized pads, actively bleeding, sore and tired," she said, adding that her feet were swollen to three times their normal size, her breasts hurt and she didn't "even want to talk about how my equator line is doing right now" in her list of symptoms. "So in short, I don't want to go to a mf'in pool party."
But the Reddit mom's hubby already told the family they'd be in attendance, so the newly postpartum mama tried to rally--and reached out for advice on the forum. The fact that this mama was actually going to go marks her as a selfless saint, but fellow Redditors were quick to point out the absolute insanity of anyone expecting someone five days postpartum to do pretty much anything except sit somewhere comfortable, eat snacks, snuggle your baby, bleed, and heal. "You're much nicer than I am," said commenter Rejectpokemon. "I would've told them to stuff the pool up there buttholes, and me and new baby would stay home and heal/bond. Why can't just older son and husband go? Is the party vibe gonna be dead if you don't go? Or they are just trying to play a game of pass the new baby around?" Commenter Murka-Lurka very succinctly pointed out that even the most mundane things are incredibly difficult so soon after giving birth, saying, at"5 days postpartum the most strenuous thing I could do was take a dump."
Thankfully, good sense, self-preservation, and a healthy dose of community rage prevailed and this mom put her foot down, much to her mother-in-law's dismay. "UPDATE- Y'all are right. I am not going. Screw them, youngest son and I are staying home and catching up on our TV." And her fellow moms rejoiced. Unfortunately, lady_MP is not expecting her mother in law to be quite so understanding.
"The fact that I did not go to this pool party will be held over my head for centuries. Any birthday party or celebration I hold in the future will be met with 'Well, we would love to come but we can't for b*******t reason. It's okay because you missed random 2019 last-minute pool party so we're even!'"
Yikes. You just take of yourself and that new baby, mama, and worry about your MIL when you're back in regular underwear.