Mom Gets Bashed for Ice-Throwing Video To Handle Postpartum Rage but Experts Say Her Reaction Is Valid

The new mom hurled ice at her bathtub while screaming, and people had a lot to say about it.

Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah Scott

A new mom seems to have found a pretty genius way to deal with postpartum rage, that I wish I had tried after giving birth to my children.

In a viral TikTok that has more than 14 million views, the parent who goes by the handle “MamaJen” films herself chucking handfuls of ice from a bowl at her bathtub with the same intensity as a 90 mph pitch from Yankees great Mariano Rivera.

Her accompanying growls and the impact of the way the ice hits and breaks along the bathtub are visceral. When she runs out of ice from her bowl, she begins to pick up some of the pieces from her bathroom for round two of pure rage smashing.

In the video, “Mama Jen” explains that she saw another TikToker do the same thing to release their anger, and wrote in a caption on the video, “My biggest struggle as a new mom is my anger,” and that she’d “10/10 recommend” this method of coping.

"Completely satisfies that need to destruct!! (w/o being destructive!)” she wrote on the video.

The clip has garnered thousands of comments, many of which have been supportive.

“Postpartum rage is normal,” wrote one viewer, while another praised, “I didn’t realize how much I needed to see/know this! Really smart!”

“Phenomenal!” exclaimed another viewer. “You recognized the rage and found a safe way to vent it away from the kids. I wish my mom had coping strategies like this.”

Another commenter offered their way of coping, writing, “I remember punching pillows or just wanting to scream but it’s good release.”

Others were sadly unsupportive, with one person writing, “Girl, so sad for your kids. I even get PTSD from watching this.”

“Oh yea, this would make me never want to speak to my mother ever,” criticized another, with one more person writing, “Just don’t be a mom. You’re bringing another life to the world. It’s not going to be easy, deal with it.”

But those who criticize most likely do not have kids, or likely have never experienced a postpartum mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). These are common and impact up to about 20% of people. While postpartum rage is often overlooked and not an official diagnosis, it can appear in the weeks or months after a person gives birth. It's usually considered a symptom of a PMAD, and can cause a person to feel angry.

In another TikTok video, Mama Jen explains her “guilt” over having rage after giving birth to her child, saying, “I was just not prepared for the intense anger that certain situations give me.” The struggle of the constant barrage of messages and unrealistic expectations that welcoming a child is supposed to be the “happiest time of your life,” became too much for her. In reality, for her and many others, being postpartum is one of the most vulnerable times for a new parent.

Postpartum Rage Causes

Not every new parent will suffer from a PMAD, such as postpartum depression (PPD), and if they do, the symptoms vary from person to person. Some of the symptoms, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), include sadness, lack of energy, and/or sleep changes.

The intense feelings of anger, which can also show up after having a child, can be a result of a surge in hormones mixed with life changes, experts say. Other risk factors can include a family history of depression or mental illness, lack of social support, financial issues, and the stress of having a newborn.

The transition to parenthood can be extremely overwhelming, and postpartum rage is very real and common, according to Jessica Pizzo, LCSW, PMH-C, a postpartum therapist at Brave Minds Psychological Services in New Jersey.

“Many of my clients who don’t fit the criteria for a postpartum mood disorder, still experience rage,” she explains. “Many new moms experience postpartum rage when learning how to navigate new boundaries and changing relationships in their lives, as they attempt to communicate their parenting values and preferences to others.”

She says moms with partners typically report anger and resentment over inequities of child care responsibilities. That's not all. “Postpartum rage can also be increased in moms who had a challenging birthing experience, and are feeling disconnected from their bodies,” adds Pizzo.

Lack of sleep, and feelings of sensory overwhelm or feeling “touched out” when your child has been on you all day, can also contribute to feelings of anger.

I remember after having my second son, I would be easily set off by the smallest things and would become almost irrational. The sight of my husband sleeping would send me over the edge, despite knowing he only received a week of paternity leave and most likely was exhausted too from work and having a toddler and a newborn at home. That didn’t matter to me at the time. I also didn’t realize what I was experiencing could be classified as PPD.

“Unfortunately for some, it can be difficult to know when to seek help,” explains Allison B. Deutch, MD, Director of the Reproductive Consultation-Liaison Psychiatry and Women's Mental Health Fellowship at NYU Langone Health.

“Certainly things like suicidal ideation or thoughts of harming your infant demand immediate medical attention but we also want to pay attention to more subtle symptoms like helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, and shame,” she says. “To make matters more complicated, anger by itself is not a cause for alarm.”

Dr. Deutch cautions that persistent feelings of rage or feeling on edge can and should be brought to the attention of a health care provider, especially if the symptoms start impacting relationships at home or at work.

How To Cope With Postpartum Rage

The ice-throwing video “Mama Jen” posted to TikTok seems not only satisfying for anyone dealing with the struggles of becoming a new parent but also a great way for anyone overcome with stress or anger to let it out.

Pizzo says throwing ice could be a good coping strategy to help the person feel more in control over the experience of rage. “I say, if you feel safe throwing ice in your bathtub, go for it!” she says. “If throwing it doesn’t feel right to you, holding it in your hand, and taking a few deep breaths can be just as effective.”

Though ultimately, Dr. Deutch says the relief may only be short-term, and could “encourage patients to engage in violent acts when angry, which may perpetuate the reliance on violent action to manage anger.”

Dr. Deutch emphasizes the importance of getting evaluated by a mental health provider if you feel you are experiencing postpartum rage. They "can determine whether you meet criteria for an underlying mood or anxiety disorder, including bipolar depression,” she says.

She shares medication and/or psychotherapy can be used to help target symptoms and "dial down" the intensity of the experience.

Postpartum therapists like Pizzo use skills-based interventions like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Those types of therapy can help patients identify triggers, and may ultimately help them learn to tolerate distress and regulate emotions in ways that provide lasting effects.

Sleep deprivation, says Dr. Deutch, is another clear trigger for anger, and enlisting the help of other family members to create a sleep schedule may be beneficial.

Connecting with support groups, adds Pizzo, can also be helpful for long-term benefits.

“Sometimes, just the experience of feeling validated in just how challenging motherhood can be can help to reduce the postpartum rage that many new moms feel,” Pizzo says. “Postpartum rage is real because motherhood is hard, but tools like therapy and support groups can help new moms feel more in control and confident as they navigate the challenges.”

Realizing that you aren’t alone in the situation is a huge step toward recovery. Whether it’s throwing ice, practicing yoga or other forms of exercise, seeking therapy, or a combination of all of the above, recognizing that postpartum rage is real and finding what works best for you is essential. 

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