'My Miscarriage Felt Like My Hopes And Dreams Were Vanishing'
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The hit Netflix reality show Selling Sunset dropped its seventh season this week, and amid all the petty feuds and friendship alliances, viewers watch veteran O Group star Mary Bonnet go through the early stages of pregnancy, then an emotional miscarriage. Through it all, Mary doesn't shy away from telling her story, and she sat down with Women's Health before the premiere to explain why she was determined to share such a personal, heartbreaking moment with the world.
When a doctor tells you that your baby is not surviving, it’s like your hopes and dreams are vanishing.
I found out I was pregnant right after I got back from my long-awaited honeymoon in Bali with my husband, Romain, and I was so excited. I’d given birth to my only child, Austin, when I was 16 years old. Back then, I was a baby raising a baby. I was trying to figure out how to grow up while trying to raise a son. At 42, I was finally in the right place–financially and emotionally–and with the right person to have another baby. So, when I got pregnant, I just thought, ‘This was meant to be.’ I didn’t prepare myself for the possibility that something might go wrong.
Romain and I didn’t expect my nine-week ultrasound to go the way it did. I was almost in the clear. But I knew what was happening when I saw the technician’s face as she was taking measurements. She explained that there hadn’t really been any growth since the last appointment, and that she couldn’t find a heartbeat. She said she was going to get the doctor.
This wasn’t my first miscarriage, so I knew what was going on. I shared with my co-star Chrishell Stause on season 3 of our show, Selling Sunset, that I miscarried twins while I was still with my ex-husband. This was Romain’s first time with a pregnancy, so he didn’t really understand, but I knew. It was heartbreaking to explain to him that she was basically saying that the pregnancy wasn’t viable. When the doctor came in, and they actually said those words, it felt even worse.
We were supposed to film a scene for Selling Sunset at our house right after that appointment, showing the ultrasound pictures. But after we got the news, Romain was very protective, and he called the production company and told them that we needed time and space to grieve and process privately. The scene we filmed this season is actually from the following morning. I understand that they wanted to film something right away to get the emotions, raw and in the moment, but doing it that same day was too much for us. Honestly, the production team was great with me, letting me take a backseat this season to protect the pregnancy, then giving me space when I was grieving. And I very much appreciate that.
I don’t really remember what we did that night after we got home, or if we really even talked that much.
I was just in shock. I feel like I talk so much in the office, and in interviews and confessionals for the show, but when something big is actually happening, I have to process first, and I don’t talk about whatever is going on until I know where my head is at. And after learning I had miscarried, there were so many thoughts and feelings–I didn’t know what to do. I cried in the doctor’s office, then sat like a Zombie for hours before I started crying again. It was just a whirlwind of emotions.
A miscarriage feels like all your hopes and dreams for the future have been stripped away. You know there are possibilities of trying again, but in that moment, everything just feels horrible. Of course, Romain was so supportive, and that made a huge difference. My first miscarriage was the beginning of the end of my previous marriage, but this time was different. Romain has been the best partner I could ever hope for, and this experience has actually brought us closer.
After learning the pregnancy wasn’t viable anymore, the doctor told me I had two options.
I could schedule a dilation and curettage (D&C)–a surgery that uses a small instrument to remove tissue from the uterus–or I could wait for my body to expel the pregnancy tissue naturally. I opted to schedule a D&C, but the morning I was supposed to go in for the procedure, I naturally miscarried. The doctor asked if I wanted to come in to make sure all the tissue had cleared my body, but I said I was okay. I wanted to sit at home and grieve and curl up on the couch and cry.
But about a week later, we were doing a season 6 cast photoshoot, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I had chills. By the end of the day, I was a mess. They had to send me home because I was so sick. I thought my body was reacting to the fact that I hadn’t given it time to rest. When my assistant came to check in on me, she said my eyes were rolling back in my head, and I was shaking, cold, and sweating. As it turned out, my body hadn’t expelled all of the fetal tissue, and I was experiencing a septic miscarriage, which happens when pregnancy tissue remains in the uterus and causes a uterine infection, and it’s very dangerous. I ended up having to get a D&C to remove the remaining tissue that was making me sick.
On March 31, 2023, I posted a video on Instagram talking about my miscarriage and explaining that it had turned septic, and I’d had to have surgery as a result. I couldn’t talk about the miscarriage until I was strong enough to do the story justice, because if I was going to tell the world about it, I wanted it to have a big impact and to help people, and I didn’t want to be crying the whole time. I’d been open about my fertility journey up until that point, and I knew a lot of other people had gone through the same thing, so it just made sense to me to film a video talking about my own experience and share it with my followers.
“It’s not always sunshine and butterflies, and that is ok. I wanted to share this in the hopes of letting others know they are not alone,” I wrote. I told people that I was going to continue to share my journey.
After sharing that video, I got so many messages from people saying that they’d gone through this in the past, or that they were going through a miscarriage right now, and that my story helped them. And that was my entire goal. I’d undergone something traumatic, but maybe if I spoke about it, I could help someone else.
I signed up to share my life with the world; sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s brutal, but there’s a lot of good that can come from showing real experiences as they happen.
Of course, I shared parts of my pregnancy journey on this season of Selling Sunset, too. We filmed the moment Romain and I saw my positive pregnancy test and, later, announced the news to my co-stars. I guess I could have not talked about my miscarriage and D&C, but I felt like it was only fair to share the devastating and difficult moments when I’d shared the happy ones.
I’ve been doing reality TV since the first season of Selling Sunset back in 2019. We are blessed to have this platform, and hopefully people can see that we do more with it than just catfight. I think it was good to bring awareness to my miscarriage when I was experiencing it in real time. I want to make this topic less taboo, so maybe people won’t feel so isolated if it happens to them.
I hope that sharing my story encourages others to keep talking about their own experiences.
Do what you feel you need to do, whether that is asking for help, opening up to someone else about it, or reaching out to friends and family. Don’t feel like you have to hide your miscarriage, because it’s actually a very common experience, and you’ll find that out very quickly once you actually start talking about it. You may even find a community that can help you, and that you can help, too. It can be healing to hear someone else’s story–to know that you’re not alone, that someone understands that hurt and devastation.
Ultimately, I know Romain is going to be the most incredible father one day, and I’m ready now to start thinking about trying again. We may try to conceive naturally one more time, or we may do one more round of in-vitro fertilization and freeze some embryos. I haven’t decided yet. Right now, I’m just enjoying the life I’ve built with my husband—and what’s meant to be will be.
If you're struggling during or after a miscarriage, getting professional help and seeing a psychiatrist or therapist can be helpful. The below organizations can also provide support:
Postpartum Support International has a resource page and a helpline, as well as pregnancy and infant loss support groups.
Share Pregnancy And Infant Loss Support is a grief support organization that has online support groups and state-by-state resource guides.
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