Michelle Obama Tells Gayle King Why Her Marriage Isn’t Perfectly 50-50
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Michelle Obama continues to lead by example for all of us, even though it’s been five years since she served in her official role as First Lady. Since Obama last called 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue home, she published her memoir Becoming, and now she’s returned to the world of publishing again with The Light We Carry, which came out earlier this month.
In tandem with her new release, Obama also announced she was going on a book tour—and our editor at large, Gayle King, joined her at The Met Philadelphia on Friday, November 18. Gayle’s mission for the Philadelphia tour stop? To make sure it was anything but boring—and they both delivered. In between laughing and dancing, Gayle and Obama discussed how to show up with kindness in an occasionally gloomy world, and how the former FLOTUS got to the point where “excellence is now a habit.”
Obama gifted Gayle, and all the moderators on tour, with a customized varsity jacket to thank her for leading the conversation. Gayle’s jacket was personal to her because it sported her initials—which is a favorite feature on any Gayle gift. Mrs. Obama helped her try it on before they walked to the stage for the show.
Nothing was off limits and their conversation touched various topics, from the solemnity of American politics to Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise—which clearly Obama knows a thing or two about! Read some of their highlights below.
Obama never wore braids in the White House
Just like every decision in her husband’s presidency, the former First Lady’s hair was a subject of public scrutiny, which is why she didn’t wear braids—until now. Obama said, “I would’ve worn braids in the White House, but they freaked out when I got bangs. There were stories about the bangs. ‘What does it mean? Why did she change her hair?’” Obama believes that if she did wear braids in the People’s House, there would’ve been narratives pushed through the media.
But now, Obama credits young women for encouraging her to embrace her natural hair. She said, “This generation of young girls are owning their hair and making space in accepting who they are.”
Former President Trump announced he’s running again in 2024—and Obama has advice for the American people
Obama also reflected on the Trump administration, noting that the pandemic could have been handled better. “It didn’t have to be this bad. But that’s what happens when you don’t vote, and you want a tax break more than you want sanity in the White House,” Obama said. “Just keep that in mind because you’re going to get another chance, apparently.” Her advice to the public? “Vote. Vote, vote, and vote and vote.”
Obama mentioned how easy it was to be frustrated over the state of politics and how impulsively acting on your emotions can lead to an “attitude of low.” She went on to say, “We had the commander-of-low-in-chief in office for quite some time. The interesting thing about it is that no one felt good. No one felt good. But what it is, is just an attitude of low.”
And if you’re wondering if Obama would consider entering the sphere of politics herself—the answer is no. “Outside of politics, people can hear me better,” Obama responded.
Obama picked up a unique hobby during the pandemic that resulted in a gift for Gayle’s grandson, Luca
During the pandemic, Obama jokingly said she needed to get away from her family to quiet her mind, so she taught herself how to knit. She shared, “Knitting became a tool for me. It quieted my mind in a way that I needed. It was meditative. It was almost like faith because when you shut your mind off and you let your hands do the work, there’s something clarifying in it.” So far she’s knitted President Obama a crewneck sweater, halter tops for her daughters, and a cute sweater for Gayle’s grandson, Luca, that was a surprise gift at Kirby’s baby shower.
President Obama gave Mrs. Obama the option of whether he should run for office in 2008, and she almost said no
Obama explained that she was initially scared to leave the comfortable life she had in Chicago when her husband was running for office—and in her book, she explores the idea that she became “comfortably afraid.” What made her ultimately change her mind? “I didn’t want to look at my kids now and have them think, My dad could have done something amazing, but he didn’t because my mom was afraid,” Obama told Gayle. “I didn’t want to leave that legacy. What happens when you learn to live in that comfortable fear? You get to the other side and, oftentimes, that’s where growth is and possibility and evolution.” We’re glad she persisted despite the fear.
Marriage between her and President Obama is not 50-50
Obama revealed that she and Barack never tried to be each other’s everything in life. She compares marriage to an abacus scale that cannot change over time. Sometimes it’s 20-80, other times it’s 70-30. “I am not ragging on my husband, but I tell people there were 10 years when I couldn’t stand my husband, which over the course of 30 years, you take those odds,” Obama said. Gayle then shared a funny story: “I believed so much in 50-50 that when I won $24 in an office pool back in the day, I came home and gave my ex-husband $12.50.” Oh, Gayle!
Sasha and Malia are now roommates
Obama told the audience that if their kids don’t get along now, she guarantees they will one day because that’s what happened with her daughters, 24-year-old Malia and 21-year-old Sasha, who now live together. “One of the funnest things is when you see your adult children starting to make their own home. They have this apartment together,” Obama said. “I’m FaceTiming with Sasha, and Malia, she’s got the Swiffer thing that goes on the mop. She has it in her hand, and I’m like, ‘Hold up, Sasha. Malia, what are you doing?’ She's like, ‘I’m pre-dusting.’ I was like, ‘There’s no need to pre-dust. Have you ever heard of Pledge?’ She was like, ‘Tell me more about this Pledge.’ But she says, ‘See, the thing about dust, Mom, you dust one day and it comes back the next day.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, that’s the tricky thing about dust, but with Pledge, you pick it up.’ So it’s just fun watching them take care of their stuff better than they took care of your stuff.”
Yes, when they go low, she still goes high
Gayle told Obama that in a recent episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kandi Burriss told one of her castmates, “I’m not Michelle Obama. When you go low, I’m going low with you.” So has Obama’s mind changed? The answer, thankfully, is no. “I get the fury and the impatience, and going high isn't about losing that impatience,” Obama explained. “It’s not about denying the rage. It’s not about being complacent. What I talk about is that you’ve got to couple the rage with reason. When I think about going high, I think about, What is my point? What is my ultimate goal? Because I can do two things. I can sit in my rage and feel good in the moment, but that really only helps me, saying the worst things. We can’t live in low. It doesn’t help our souls.”
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