These 24 Viral Tweets By Women Are So Wildly, Incredibly Hysterical That You Won't Stop Smiling For The Rest Of Your Days

does the pulitzer have a category for excellence in bulleted lists because I have a nomination to submit pic.twitter.com/Y6zfh443ij

— elaine filadelfo (@ElaineF) June 13, 2023

I went to the doctor yesterday. Because "was attacked by geese" is on my medical record, first question every time from both nurse & doctor is, "Any more trouble with geese?"

— Elizabeth McCracken (@elizmccracken) June 2, 2023

just remembered how a guy I knew from **christian youth theater** later took an Asian woman to a 1st date at an Asian restaurant, went to the bathroom, then came back & couldn't remember which was his date. standing in the restaurant flummoxed hoping someone would wave at him 💀

— Jami Nakamura Lin (@jaminlin) June 9, 2023

i wish they sold off-brand cars ill get me a damn Honder

— mia (@_demiaa) June 13, 2023

at a bibimbap place and a young guy next to me just said “I’ve actually forgotten how to use forks because I spent so long in Japan” to his date do I say something do I save her

— Stevie Martin (@5tevieM) June 8, 2023

in the club naming 5 things i can see 4 things i can feel 3 things i can hear 2 things i can smell and 1 thing i can taste

— samantha (@milkygoddess) June 11, 2023

I’m in a weird second hand finds group on Facebook and this woman has the ACTUAL FALKOR FROM NEVER ENDING STORY IN HER GARAGE. pic.twitter.com/X0lk2pFmel

— Cara Lisette (@CaraLisette) June 13, 2023

My dad has been on my hometown’s parks and rec committee for 15 years and from the minute I landed he hasn’t asked me a single question he just won’t stop ranting about this geese problem at the local swim pond like the geese are fucking Al Qaeda

— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) June 13, 2023

with the amount of anxiety i have waiting for the maintenance man, you’d think he was coming over to kill me for sport not fix my oven

— chase (@_chase_____) June 14, 2023

I don't think it will be intentional, but I do believe that somehow one day Lea Michele will die by Barbra Streisand's hand.

— Rachel Shukert (@RachelShukert) June 12, 2023

Hot tip for dog owners:Be on the lookout for "whale eyes." If your dog has whale eyes, this is BAD SIGN. That is not your dog, it is a whale pretending to be your dog and you are in IMMEDIATE DANGER

— Rads (@_radsy) June 10, 2023

love him for hashtagging all he movies he's been in where someone is gay pic.twitter.com/L72xhhERQo

— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) June 12, 2023

haha sent my husband once to collect something but forgot to tell him what it was, so he knocked on the door and was like "so what have you got for me?"

— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) June 12, 2023

As a Los Angeles babysitter I have seen children’s birthday parties that would make Bernie Sanders kill himself

— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) June 14, 2023

It's wild that the medicis are still around like people on this website think you have generational wealth if your house had two tvs and meanwhile there's people out there whose ancestors are playable in civ

— maia (@maiamindel) June 14, 2023

My dad was interviewing someone for a job and their resume listed he/they pronouns, so my dad asked me which he should use. I explained some of the nuances but told him basically either will be fine. Two days later he barges into my room yelling “my he/they flaked on me!”

— Cassie Pritchard (again) (@hecubian_devil) June 15, 2023

My body: in an important meetingMy brain: The newt play the flute the carp play the harp the plaice play the bass and they sounding sharp

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 11, 2023

me (not handling things) to my friend (also not handling things): I think you handled it perfectly

— delia (@delia_cai) June 11, 2023

Didn’t realise I was dogsitting a baby PRINCE

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) June 10, 2023

so nobody wanted to do a second pass on the name, huh pic.twitter.com/iJoWfLO1Yr

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) June 14, 2023

i just deleted the iPhone weather app that mf so clueless

— mia (@_demiaa) June 14, 2023

customer: I have a question about my accountteller: withdrawal?customer: oh sorry, ah have a question about mah account

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 13, 2023

My coworker asked me what’s wrong as if we don’t work at the same place.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 14, 2023

I love when airlines have fare sales…It’s like oh hey Cleveland never really thought of you like that but for $39 let’s bump uglies

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 15, 2023

Thinking about the fratty guy at the Taylor swift concert who, upon walking into a men’s room full of women, went 🤙🤠🤙 “alright! Gender NEUTCH!”

— julia fiedler (@julia_fiedler5) June 14, 2023