Melissa Etheridge Opens Up About Heartbreaking 'Real Life That Has Happened to Me'

Melissa Etheridge, the “Come to My Window” Grammy Award-winning singer, 62, took a break from writing songs to pen her second memoir, Talking to My Angels (Sept. 4). In the 20 years since Etheridge’s first account of her life, she became a mother again, recorded 11 albums, toured the world, won an Oscar, discovered her one true love, survived breast cancer and the devastating death of her son Beckett to opioid addiction, and underwent a spiritual awakening. She chronicles it all on the pages of Talking to My Angels, as well as the lessons she has learned.

Parade caught up with Etheridge ahead of her book's release to chat about the new memoir.

Walter Scott: Did you write this second book because a lot has happened since your first autobiography, The Truth Is… in 2002?

Melissa Etheridge: The first book is an introduction. The second book is the real life that has happened to me. I wanted to tell people where I’m at, what I’ve learned, how I’ve gotten through all this stuff. My first book wasn’t fun, but the second book is where I am now.

You mention in the new memoir how an evening with a large amount of cannabis jump-started your spiritual awakening. How so?

How it opened my mind was so profound to me that I liked going and visiting there. I like what cannabis does, I like how cannabis settles a part of me. It helps me hear my inner voice better, it helps me sleep, it helps me enjoy so much about this life more. I use it as often as I can.

A public life involves a lot of personal sacrifice. How did becoming a more spiritual person helped ease the pain of it all?

I went from looking at my life and my work and thinking I was being judged by others, the media, something else out there, and that I had to dress a certain way for them, that I had to make music for them, and if I didn’t get their approval, I was a failure. Once you remove that, once you take that idea that there’s an entity out there, whatever you think is judging you, once you take that away and realize that I’m going to let my inner being be my guide, I’m going to let that inner voice tell me if this is right or wrong for me…and the way that I know that is how I feel. If I feel bad, then it’s not OK. My joy is the guiding force now for me.

How would you describe your childhood? 

I can’t call it a tough childhood. We weren’t abused or anything. We just had a very, very cold and distant mother who was going through her own things. She was very, very intelligent and highly underused. Then when they discovered her intelligence and talent, they would use it and take credit for themselves and make twice as much money as she did. So, she was very bitter and cold, and she turned to drinking. She was having her own issues. But, of course, children think, She doesn’t like me. It’s my fault. Growing up with that, my sister acted out in huge ways. I just would grab my guitar and go into the other room.

Tell us about My Window, which is heading to Broadway this fall. It sounds like a live performance of your life story. 

The way that we do it makes it very fun and entertaining. Every night it is cathartic, as any show that I do is. It brings me to a place of peace. I will be healthier after it’s all done, I know that.

You co-wrote it with your wife (Linda Wallem). What’s it like collaborating with her? 

She’s amazing. She’s so brilliant and smart and I’m so grateful for her words and her guidance and her talent. How we met was she called me in for a television show that never happened. We’ve always been trying to work together, so we’re very grateful to finally be able to do this.

You’re talking to me in the middle of a concert tour. After all these years, do you ever get tired of performing certain songs? 

No. I have five songs that I do every single night. When I do them, the audience is on their feet, fists in the air and celebrating with me. I am so grateful. I spent so many years of my young adulthood hoping, wishing to have the kind of songs that I could start, and the audience recognizes. That’s what I always wanted. I’m very grateful for that. I do not mind playing them every night. I love it. The band that I have is so incredible that every night is such a joy to play.

I’ve got those five songs and then I dig into the older albums, the lesser-known albums, and I can just come up with a show that people will enjoy, that entertains and delights. People are always learning that I actually play the guitar a lot more and better than they thought. I keep learning every time I get in and my band is, again, so much fun that I will never retire.

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Are you working on a new album? 

Right now, the Broadway show is taking up the energy. And a couple other little things that I’ve got going. I’m starting to feel that need. It’s been a while since I’ve done an album of new, original songs. I’m ready to. The whole market has changed, the business has changed and record companies, but I love making albums and I really want to make another one.

You knew at age 11 what you wanted to do for life, and you never gave up. Was pursuing that a brave thing to do? 

It’s so funny, no. I never considered myself brave or anything like that. But I understand that sometimes the choice of doing what you love and just being honest with yourself can be considered brave, which I think is kind of silly in our society, but there you go. No, I’ve just been following my joy and learning so much along the way.

So many parents have an idea of what they think their children should do, which is why I think you were brave. 

Parents think they’re helping children when they do that, and they’re not. Your kids, they come in with hopes and dreams and it’s about fulfilling them. Happiness is having a desire and moving towards it. That’s happiness. I hope that as I’m raising my kids it’s like, Find what you love and go get it.

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You’re a longtime cancer survivor. Do you still think about that time?

Oh, yeah. That was a huge shift in my life; a shift about who I’m making happy and how much my own happiness means; not letting little stresses come in and build up and take over; to really be on the lookout for what’s stressing me was huge for me.

You have an obsession with jigsaw puzzles. Is it that they captivate your mind? 

Yeah, it’s all about my mind. There’s a part of our minds that is the problem-solving, consciousness part; it’s our left brain. It constantly wants to fix everything and solve everything. When I can sit down in my home at my table with my 1,000-piece puzzle that takes up the whole table, I’m solving the problem. I’m solving the puzzle. My mind can actually relax, and a lot of creative stuff can come in. I can find peace; my heart rate is down. I can have conversations.

It’s been great for me with my children because as they were little and they became teenagers, it was like I could sit at the table and not hover over them, but I could always know what they were doing because the table is the center of the home. So, it didn’t look so much like I was waiting for them to come home; I’m sitting at my puzzle, I’m doing something.

The puzzles I really love to do and the only ones I do at home are from Springbok. They’re a Kansas City brand and they recently made a puzzle just for me. It’s a bunch of pictures of me and I’m just so grateful. They’ve been my favorite puzzles since I was a kid. My father did puzzles and so I started doing them when I was a young adult.

You were a daddy’s girl, right? 

Mm-hmm, oh yeah. He got me to love football, too. He was a big Kansas City Chiefs fan, and so was I.

Being a diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan, do you have any rituals around watching the games? 

Since I’ve been fortunate enough to be a Chiefs fan my whole life, I went through a lot of hard, hard years, but lately man, I tell you, Andy Reid, Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce have brought so much joy in my life, I feel like I don’t need to do that special thing, I just need to show up. I’ve got a bazillion T-shirts, I’ve got my hats, I’ve got the food and I’m sitting in my favorite chair and I’m just watching it and they’re just magnificent.

Was it also your father who also introduced you to music? 

Well, no, but he helped me. He would drive me to all my gigs and stuff. He brought a guitar home for my sister, and I begged to play it even though I was too young. I was able to play it. My fingers bled but I kept playing.

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