Much like a persistent rash, The Masked Singer is back for the second time in 2019. Because once just wasn’t enough, guys! Last season introduced us to certifiably insane costumes like the Monster and the Pineapple—and truly, what an unbridled thrill it was to find out which extremely famous
A B C D-list celebrity was lurking underneath each mask. Spoiler alert: It’s never anyone actually relevant, but that doesn’t stop the judges from reaching for the damn stars with their guesses, bless them!
Anyway, in case you didn’t watch The Masked Singer last season, in which case, HOW DARE YOU, I’ll give you a quick explanation: Each week, a group of “stars” (emphasis on those quotes) face off in a singing competition while dressed in masks (and full-on costumes, like the Flamingo) that are best described as haunting. Like, can I just:
“It me, Egg,” he seems to say.
Clearly, the best part of the show—other than watching the hopeful judges be all, “Wait, could it be Lady Gaga?!” (answer: no…no, it could not)—is finding out which celeb needs to fire their agent for booking them on this mess. We’ve made a weekly tracker that doubles as a therapy sesh for moi, so here’s who has been unmasked thus far.
The People Behind the Masks: Chris Daughtry, Adrienne Bailon, and Wayne Brady
The Masked Singer is over, as is my reason for even bothering to wake up in the morning. Truly, what is the point of Wednesday even EXISTING, if I don't get to watch magical moments like Chris "Very Famous, How Dare You" Daughtry emerge from a giant dog mask?
Not to mention Adrienne Bailon burst forth from the body of a stuffed flamingo!!!!
But honestly the real shock was that The Fox *isn't* Jeremy Renner like fans were convinced. It was Wayne Brady. Love this for him! LOVE IT!
The People Behind the Masks: Victor Oladipo and Seal
Attention, those of you who have been crushing on the Thingamajig: He’s actually basketball star Victor Oladipo, who I think we can all agree is the purest soul alive based on this reveal video. WE DON’T DESERVE HIM!
Also, Seal is the Leopard, and I’m feeling slightly awkward that he didn’t win the entire competition considering he’s literally a professional singer. 😶
The Person Behind the Mask: Ana Gasteyer
I have been dreading the Tree’s unmasking due to a haunting fear that poor Santa was trapped inside and would come out a truly broken man with a previously jolly beard stained with tears. But good news! It was just Ana Gasteyer. Love this for her!
The Person Behind the Mask: Michelle Williams
Look, if you told my middle school self that Michelle Williams would eventually be on The Masked Singer, I’d be...surprised! But Michelle genuinely loved the experience and even started crying onstage because of her MASKED SINGER EMOTIONS. Honestly, it was really touching—damn this show for having me in my feelings, what is even happening?!?!?!?!?
The Person Behind the Mask: Patti LaBelle
Did I think Patti was behind the mask? Well, yes. She’s PATTI LABELLE, her voice is one in a million. It’s not every day you meet a flower who sounds suspiciously like the godmother of soul. Did I still live for her big reveal? Also yes, but watch it for yourself before you judge.
The Person Behind the Mask: Kelly Osbourne
The moment you’ve been waiting for, by which I mean dreading, has finally arrived. The Ladybug emerged from its mask like some sort of terrifying moth from a cocoon and morphed into the beautiful butterfly that is Kelly Osbourne. It was a metamorphosis the likes of which I haven’t witnessed since, IDK, the nightmare I had about this show last night. Enjoy!
The People Behind the Masks: Sherri Shepherd and Raven-Symoné
The Masked Singer has been rejecting us for two entire weeks thanks to something called “the World Series,” and honestly, it’s been rough. Like, have I been dealing with my withdrawal symptoms by wandering around everywhere in an egg mask? IDK, GUYS. MAYBE. But whatever, the important thing is that we’ve made it, and now we all get to revel in the Penguin being unmasked. And honestly, watching Sherri’s thrilled face emerging from that costume was fully worth the wait.
Like...ARE YOU OKAY? Shake your beak twice if no and I’ll climb through this computer and help you!
Tonight’s episode was double the pleasure, double the fun, which means we also found out who was lurking inside the Black Widow. Did you guess Raven? Because congrats, you’re right! Tell all your friends about your accomplishment tomorrow morning, they definitely won’t be worried about you!
The Person Behind the Mask: Paul Shaffer
Things that are more scary than a skeleton: Paul Shaffer peeling off a skeleton’s skull and emerging from its bag o’ bones. Yet that’s precisely what happened on tonight’s episode of The Masked Singer!
Is anyone available to make a quick time machine and help me travel back to, IDK, an era before this mental image existed in my brain? Thanks!!!! Until then, let’s vote because IDK about you, but I need to express my feelings.
The Person Behind the Mask: Dr. Drew Pinsky
The fact that I had to watch an eagle have its head removed during this week’s Masked Singer seems low-key like an act of treason. But nevertheless, the Eagle “hatched” (IDK, help) and revealed himself to be none other than Dr. Drew Pinsky.
If your response to that is “Literally who in TF is Dr. Drew Pinsky?” you’ve clearly never seen Teen Mom, because this dude has been patiently suffering through those group therapy reunion shows for years. It’s no wonder Dr. Drew agreed to be on The Masked Singer. THIS IS LITERALLY A CRY—NAY, A CAW—FOR HELP.
The Person Behind the Mask: Laila Ali
The Panda is the only character on The Masked Singer who doesn’t cause me to wake up screaming in the night, so it was honestly a bummer to see her unmasked so soon. BUT! It was cool to see Laila Ali pop out of that decapitated panda head!
Also, in case you’re wondering, the judges got this completely wrong, thus continuing to prove they’re truly terrible at their ONE JOB.
The People Behind the Masks: Johnny Weir and Tyler Ninja Blevins
Wow, after a truly alarming performance that almost caused me to call 9-1-1 in an absolute crisis, the Egg revealed himself to be none other than Olympic medalist Johnny Weir. Which honestly makes sense because many people say The Masked Singer is basically the Olympics of reality TV competitions.*
*No one says that.
Kinda bummed that the Egg has already been cracked, if you will, which I won’t, but at least we all got to enjoy an eggceptional (HAHAHAHAHAHHA!) performance of him singing “One Way or Another,” by Blondie!
Next up, the Ice Cream was revealed as professional “Twitch star” and “YouTube gamer” Tyler Ninja Blevins. I’ll give you a moment to hit Google, it’s okay.
Truly never thought anything could ruin dessert for me, but here we are, friends!!!!!!
Join us next time because this tracker is getting updated every damn week due to The Masked Singer being the only thing keeping me going.
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