Married Women Are Sharing The Tiny Everyday Tip That Changed Their Relationship In A Big Way, And Some Of These Need To Be Etched In Stone
Whether you're currently in a relationship or hope to be in one soon, it's never a bad idea to hear how other couples keep their love alive and prevent arguments from escalating. That's why we rounded up some of the top "unspoken rules" for having a successful marriage, according to married women below. Here's what they had to say:
1."In my relationship (we've been together for 20 years), we’re grateful for each other, and I really think that’s the key. For instance, I’ll thank him for running to the store after work to grab a few ingredients for dinner (and he does the same for me). Example: 'Thanks for doing that so I didn’t have to make a special trip' and 'Thanks for using your day off to build that patio.' It might sound small because he needs those things in our shared home anyway, but it always feels nice to have someone appreciate your efforts. Plus, practicing gratitude in this form makes me even more aware of how good I have it by having him in my life — it's a win-win."
2."Will have been happily married for 30 years. My take: You are a team of two who have each other’s backs above all others. Take the time to say thank you, compliment, and nurture each other in little things every day. Be a united front, whether it is with other family members, your kids, friends, or society. When someone wrongs, offends, or challenges one person, they will need to answer to both of you."
3."If possible, have separate bathrooms. I swear this is the true key to a long and happy relationship. You don't ever have to worry about how your spouse uses the toothpaste or how it is recapped. Shower together every now and then, but have your own private space."
4."In addition to the attachment styles, learn their love language and make an effort to show them your love in their own language, not just yours. Maybe you're not that into gifts or cuddling, but it could mean the difference between your partner feeling cherished or ignored."
5."Never start a discussion about something that bothers you with the word 'you,' like 'You didn't move the laundry, wash the dishes, etc.' Statements like that sound accusatory and will easily kick off an argument. Instead, start with an 'I' statement like: 'I think we have a work imbalance at home. What do you think?' It's much less threatening. And the golden rule, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'"
6."My husband and I don't fight often, but when we do, it's always about something fairly minor, and we resolve it quickly — but our number one rule is to fight fair. We never name-call or say, 'You ALWAYS do this.' And if you're really heated, step away. Giving each other a timeout to go to another room, take a breath, and calm down is vital. It can be so tempting to follow them if you have something else you want to say, but recognizing they may not be in the right headspace to hear it at that very moment is important."
7."Figure out just how dysfunctional you are willing to work with or around, and make that decision prior to getting married. I’ve been married for 11 years, and unfortunately, there is no way my in-laws are going to be better people. If you are fortunate to have a partner who has emotional maturity and can create healthy boundaries, then you might be able to live with it, but if your partner is averse to that, you may want to steer clear."
8."We have a 'you deal with your side, I'll deal with mine' approach to our families. Does his brother annoy me? Do my siblings bug him? Yes, sometimes, but we each handle our own sides, and it has worked wonderfully."
9."Kids are second in the relationship. Sorry, not sorry. Hear me out! You will not let your kids go hungry, unclothed, unloved, or uncared for as a result; you're just not. If you're taking time to prioritize your marriage first, your kids will reap the rewards of that situation. Your kids will see what healthy affection and marriage look like, they'll see that having kids doesn't mean you stop dating your spouse, and having kids will actually seem like a good thing rather than this arduous task in the name of continuing the species."
10."Your in-laws are a part of your life, but not a leading role in your marriage. A lot of couples complain about their in-laws’ involvement and how they are often the cause of arguments during the early stages of the marriage and/or new parent stage. Yes, their parents/siblings once held the number one spot in the level of importance, and now, it ought to be made clear by your mate that you as the spouse have taken that place. Also, never put your in-laws in their 'place,' always show respect, and let your partner handle unpleasant discussions with them."
11."I don't know where it came from, but in making big decisions, it has served us well to apply the 'two yeses, one no' rule. If the decision is something that's going to substantially change your lives, like moving or having a kid, you only proceed if BOTH of you can say an enthusiastic yes to the plan. If one of you says no — even if the other is a yes! — the deal is off, and the 'yes' person has to respect the other's no. You can feel any way you want to feel about it, but no trying to wheedle or coerce the 'no' person to see it your way."
"It took years for us to reach two yeses on having kids, but I would never have even considered changing my no to a yes if we hadn't agreed as a ground rule that my partner would respect my no. I waited to say yes until I truly felt comfortable with the idea, and now that we have a2-year-old, we agree that we chose the right time."