This Is What a Manic Episode Feels Like
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes unusual mood swings, ranging from extreme highs (known as manic episodes) to extreme lows (called depressive episodes). There are three types of bipolar disorder, bipolar I is marked by full manic episodes while bipolar II is defined by a pattern of depressive and hypomanic—revved up energy, mood or behavior—episodes, and cyclothymia in which the cycles of depression and mania can last for years. Although there’s no cure for bipolar disorder, people with the condition can live normal lives when they receive the proper treatment, as these three women can attest to. Here, they share what it’s like to experience a manic episode.
“It feels good, like everything is right and whatever I’m doing is inspiring.”
Shannon Vought, 30, is an IT project manager in Charlotte, NC. She was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder in 2018.
“When I’m in the middle of a manic episode, I’m usually not aware of it until it’s passed. I’ll make impulsive decisions, I’ll spend hours hyper-fixating on something like a YouTube creator doing something that interests me, or I’ll talk nonstop to anyone who will listen to me—and it all seems like perfectly normal behavior in the moment. It’s only when I look back that I realize how extreme and often reckless the behavior is. Before I was diagnosed, for instance, I was studying abroad and the entire trip was basically one long manic episode. I had about six one-night stands over the course of 12 weeks, I slept on the sidewalk one night after drinking too much, went home in a street-cleaner vehicle because taxis weren’t running, and got into a stranger’s car at a bus stop because it was raining. None of it seemed at all reckless. That’s the scary thing about a manic episode: It feels so good that I start thinking I’m healed and don’t need to follow my treatment plan anymore. But I know that I must never stop my treatment plan—even when I’m feeling good.”
"My thoughts come to me faster than my mouth is able to speak them. My attention span is nonexistent, and I bounce from one topic to the next within seconds."
Marisa Russello, 35, is a mental health advocate and writer in upstate New York. She was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder in 2009.
“When I’m manic, I can stay up most of the night, getting by on little sleep for weeks and yet I have endless energy. Life is more vibrant, and everything seems to come alive for the first time. I pick up on new details that previously escaped my attention. Certain colors stand out, the pigment brighter than ever before; music sounds more poignant; the simplest things become spellbinding.
My episodes are always filled with delusions of grandeur. One recurring delusion is that I’m a genius with a photographic memory, so I try to absorb as much information as possible by reading. Once my mom took me to a bookstore where I spent over an hour picking out at least 20 books on topics I knew nothing about—from knitting to medieval Spanish architecture and Tarot card reading to surviving in the wilderness. My grand plan was to become an expert on everything. I ended up getting six books, but I never read a single one. I am so impulsive during my episodes that my family hides the credit cards from me. If they didn’t, I’d probably own an entire store’s worth of books by now.”
“I feel like superwoman, like I can conquer the world.”
Jamie Wright, 42, is a senior management and program analyst in Houston, TX. She was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder in 2020.
“Prior to my diagnosis, I would go on shopping sprees, which caused me a ton of credit card debt. I would lash out at family, friends, and co-workers, to the point that it cost me relationships and career opportunities and advancements. Since being clinically diagnosed, though, I now understand my condition and have gained tools to help me identify my manic episodes, and deal with them in a healthy way. For example, I’ve learned the power of taking charge through a simple exercise called ‘Catching, Checking, then Changing.’ It helps me take disempowering thoughts and replace them with positive ‘I am’ thoughts like ‘I am strong, I am loved, I am worth it, I am beautiful, I am courageous.’ I have also learned to take a pause and question myself with ‘Do I really need this item?’ or ‘Will this item help me obtain the goals I’ve established?’ before I buy anything, which has helped tremendously.”
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