Man Drunk-Texts South Carolina Aquarium and It’s Too Wholesome for Words

·2 min read
woman taking a photo of an aquarium with her smart phone
woman taking a photo of an aquarium with her smart phone

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We've all been there at some point. You're out for a night on the town, enjoying yourself, having maybe one too many adult beverages … and then the text messages start to flow.

For most people, those texts involve some regrettable thoughts sent to exes or people we have a crush on. Sometimes, it's someone who wronged us at work that day. But for one shining soul in Charleston, S.C., those texts involved seahorses.

Between the hours of 10 p.m. and midnight sometime last month, the unidentified man found himself increasingly curious about the aquatic world all around him and knew just what he had to do: Text the South Carolina Aquarium's "Ask an Aquarium educator" number and pour out his heart.

"I'm at the corner of Market and Meeting," the first text begins, giving the educators his location. "What would I have seen around me 10,000 years before the area was settled by humans?"

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But his wholesome queries don't stop there. Over the course of six texts, the man asks about any aquatic flora and fauna that are unique to his area; which current fields of aquatic study might be causing disagreement among experts; why he's only supposed to eat oysters in months with an 'r' in them," and "Why do seahorses grab everything they can with their prehensile tail?"

Unlike exes ignoring or blocking our late-night texts, the South Carolina Aquarium lives to educate. So Drunk Guy did indeed find the answers he sought, including a couple matters of scientific debate ("the purpose of keeled scales on snakes"); the guidelines for eating oysters (it mainly has to do with bacteria growth cycles); and, of course, seahorse tails (they aren't great swimmers and don't want to get tossed around with the currents). Not only that, but the good folks at the aquarium posted the whole exchange to their Twitter account.

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At noon the next day, Drunk Guy (presumably Sober Guy by then) thanked the aquarium for their answers and said, "My wife should be happy I drunk-text aquariums and not other women."

The aquarium, naturally, called her a "turtle-y lucky lady"—a pan of dad-like levels, but we'll forgive under the circumstances.