What Makes Someone Self-Centered?
Medically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MD
Being self-centered means someone is solely concerned with their own wants, needs, or interests. Self-centeredness is a psychological construct that can influence functioning.
This article will discuss whether people know they are being self-centered, the causes of self-centeredness, the characteristics of self-centered people, the effects of self-centered behavior and thinking, how to respond to self-centered people, and how to change your self-centeredness.
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Do People Know They’re Being Self-Centered?
People may engage in actions that intentionally disadvantage others or do so without considering how others will be affected.
In an ideal situation, people act with the aim of mutual benefit, providing aid and protection in a good way for everyone.
This doesn't always work smoothly. For example, loneliness tends to increase self-centeredness because the lack of social support makes prioritizing your own needs necessary.
Medical factors, such as a brain injury, can cause self-centeredness. People with a brain injury may display the egocentricity normally associated with a young child and lose the inability to view things from another person's perspective. They often do not realize how their behavior impacts others.
Mental health conditions such as a personality disorder can cause a person to behave self-centeredly without necessarily realizing it.
Mental Health Conditions Associated With Self-Centeredness
Medical conditions associated with self-centeredness include:
Narcissistic personality disorder: Characterized by self-centeredness, self-admiration, self-serving behavior, and negative response to criticism
Histrionic personality disorder: Characterized by excessive emotion and attention-seeking
Antisocial personality disorder: Characterized by a chronic and pervasive disposition to disregard and violate other people's rights, including breaking the law, exploiting others, aggressiveness, deceitfulness, and the disregard of the safety of themselves and others; involves a lack of guilt, empathy, and remorse
Characteristics of Self-Centered People
Seeing things from another person's perspective is a complex cognitive skill not everyone can do effectively.
Self-centeredness can be accompanied by a lack of self-awareness, anger, depression, and reduced social skills.
Self-centered people may:
See themselves as fundamentally separate from others
Dwell within their own experiences
Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Have a rigid and enduring sense of self over time and contexts
Have hedonic cycles of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain or displeasure
Have lower levels of positive, other-focused emotions such as compassion or gratitude
Have feelings of entitlement
Exhibit selfishness
Self-Centered vs. Selfish
The difference between self-centered and selfish:
Self-centeredness is the concern with only your own needs, wants, and interests.
Selfishness is similar but also involves being self-serving without regard to or at the expense of the welfare of others.
Effects of Self-Centered Behavior and Thinking
Loneliness and self-centeredness have a bidirectional relationship, meaning loneliness can increase self-centeredness, and self-centeredness can increase loneliness. Self-centeredness can lead to social isolation.
Self-centeredness has been associated with fluctuating happiness, while a more altruistic approach has been associated with more sustainable, authentic happiness.
Selfish motivation may be related to:
Poor psychological well-being
Poor physical health
Poor relationship outcomes
Self-centered thinking and behavior can impact others as well. Self-centered people tend to provide lower levels and less effective support to their partners. They are less likely to address their partner's needs.
Friends and family of self-centered people can grow resentful or intolerant of the behavior over time and move away from the relationship.
How to Respond to Self-Centered People
It is important to set clear boundaries for acceptable behavior, avoid arguments, and be assertive with people who are self-centered.
Be aware of intentional and unintentional manipulative behavior from the self-centered person attempting to get their way. Be assertive and refuse to get drawn into arguments.
If you have a loved one whose self-centeredness is due to a physical health condition, such as a brain injury, or a mental health condition, like a personality disorder, you may wish to consider connecting with support groups or online communities where you can meet others who can relate to your experiences.
Psychoeducation may also be helpful to you. With psychoeducation, the individual and their family members learn about the diagnosis, treatment, and ways of coping with the condition.
What to Do If You Want to Change Your Self-Centeredness
If you feel your self-centeredness is affecting you or those around you, you can take measures to make improvements.
The approach can depend on the cause of your self-centeredness.
For personality disorders, some types of psychotherapy (talk therapy) are effective at helping the person:
Gain insight and knowledge about their condition
Learn about what is contributing to their symptoms
Talk about their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
Understand how their behavior affects others
Learn to manage or cope with symptoms
Reduce behaviors that cause problems with functioning and/or relationships
The type of psychotherapy used depends on the disorder's specifics and the individual's needs. Types of psychotherapy include:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Psychoanalytic/psychodynamic/transference-focused therapy
Dialectical behavior therapy
Psychoeducation
Group therapy
Professionals you may choose to see can include:
Primary healthcare provider
Mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist
Social worker
Some research suggests that mindfulness and compassion training may help increase prosocial behavior.
Summary
Self-centeredness means focusing solely on your own needs and desires. People may or may not be aware they are being self-centered. Self-centeredness can be due to a physical condition, such as a brain injury, or it could occur with a mental health condition, such as a personality disorder.
Changing self-centeredness can depend on what is causing it. If you have a personality disorder, you may benefit from psychotherapy.
Read the original article on Verywell Health.
