These Are the Main Types of Grief You May Experience
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It’s easy to lump grief into one broad category of emotions that you never want to experience. But there are actually different types of grief and each has little nuances that make them stand out from each other.
At baseline, grief is a normal response to loss during or after a disaster or other traumatic event, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Grief can happen in response to a slew of different things, ranging from a death to dramatic changes to your daily routines. That can cause a variety of reactions, including shock, denial, anxiety, distress, anger, sadness, loss of sleep, and loss of appetite, the CDC says.
Grief isn’t the same for everyone, though. “Grieving is a highly individualized experience that is influenced by multiple factors, including the nature of the loss,” says Arianna Galligher, L.I.S.W.-S., associate director of the STAR Trauma Recovery Center at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. “It’s important to acknowledge that not all loss is the same, and consequently, an individual may grieve differently depending on the circumstances.”
While grief is usually thought of as losing someone close to you, “grief is more complex than that,” says psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life. “We can grieve lost positions, experiences, of course pets, stages in our life, and relationships,” he adds.
There is a goal with grieving—to be able to move forward with your life despite sadness and having a loss, says psychologist Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces. But acknowledging that you’re grieving and “realizing that your grief can take many forms may help you to understand what your needs are at those times,” he says.
Whatever form it takes, “it’s really important that we process our grief,” says clinical psychologist Thea Gallagher, Psy.D., a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast. “When we don’t, it can ultimately make things worse,” she adds.
Because grief is so personal, there’s a nearly endless list of potential types of grief you might face at some point. Mental health experts say these are the most common ones.
Anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief means you’re grieving someone or something that’s still around but may be declining or changing, Gallagher says. A good example, Gallagher says, is a loved one or pet with a terminal illness.
“It’s self-protective,” she says. “You want to pre-grieve because it feels out of your control.” People with anticipatory grief may try to avoid a loved one who is sick and can even act as if they’re already gone. “It’s problematic because it takes you out of the present,” Gallagher says.
Chronic or complicated grief
This is grief that continues at a severe level over time. It’s sometimes referred to as persistent complex bereavement disorder and causes painful, drawn-out emotions that are so severe that they impact your daily living, the Mayo Clinic says. “It can still feel as devastating now as it did when it first happened,” Coleman says. “Chronic grief is more likely chronic, untreated clinical depression.”
People may have complicated grief if it’s been a year after the loss of a loved one, and they’re still unable to move through the stages of grief—accepting the loss, allowing yourself to feel the pain of your loss, adjusting to a new reality, and having other relationships, the Mayo Clinic says.
Cumulative grief
This can happen a few different ways, Coleman says. It can be new grief that happens on top of previously unresolved grief, like losing your mom several years after your dad and never processing your father's death when the second loss happens, or experiencing losses that happen close together, like having a serious illness while going through a divorce.
Delayed grief
With delayed grief, people may push off the feelings and emotions from a loss until they feel that they have space to properly grieve. “That may be something like, ‘My parents died but I have two young kids to take care of and I have to compartmentalize this now,’” Gallagher says. “It can feel really overwhelming and you need to let the dust settle a bit.” In the case of delayed grief, Gallagher says that people will often “engage in the grief process” a year or so later. However, Gallagher notes, these feelings can also come up when someone is “triggered," like having an emotional meltdown in a department store because you smelled the perfume your late grandmother always wore.
Absent grief
Again, not everyone grieves the same way and, in some situations, you may not feel anything while you’re grieving. In the case of absent grief, you will have “no obvious signs of grief at all—no crying, no physical symptoms, no sleep changes, no ruminating about the loss,” Coleman says. But, he adds, “if the relationship was important and close, it suggests that the person is denying the enormity of the loss as it would be too overwhelming.”
Inhibited grief
With inhibited grief, “the person is trying to suppress any emotional reactions they find too uncomfortable or embarrassing or which might interfere with daily life in some way,” Coleman says. It’s a way of trying to control your emotions, he says. But, he notes, “such suppression usually backfires and grief can show up later or appear indirectly in the form of irritability or impatience, sleep disturbances, or odd behavioral changes.”
Disenfranchised grief
“This is grief that others may not recognize because the loss is not something the average person might automatically relate to or assume would create such deep sadness,” Coleman says. It can include grieving the loss of an unusual pet, feeling sad about the death of someone you didn’t know for long, or feeling sadness for a loss related to a group you belong to, like grieving the loss of women’s reproductive rights on a federal level.
When to see a therapist for grief
With grief, “it’s important to work your way through it,” Gallagher says. “Don’t push it down and don’t talk yourself out of it,” she says.
If you feel like your grief isn’t getting better with time or it’s interfering with your daily life, Mayer says it’s time to see a mental health professional for help. “Don’t hesitate,” he adds.
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