I’m a Mental Health Professional & Here’s What I Tell Myself When Mom-Guilt Gets Me Down
Today, like every other weekday, I woke up early, whipping up breakfast, packing lunch boxes, and hustling to get kids to school on time. But just as I’m on my way to work, it hits me like a ton of bricks — I completely forgot about the cupcakes I promised for today’s bake sale at school! Yes, that’s my life as a parent, and let me tell you, it’s one heck of a ride.
As a mental health professional, I find myself in a unique position: offering guidance and support to parents going through the complexities of raising children while simultaneously navigating the unsteady waters of mom-guilt myself. Just like any other mom, I’ve had my fair share of missed PTA meetings, long office hours resulting in late school pick-ups, and the occasional slip-up with remembering spirit day outfits (Friday sneaks up fast, doesn’t it?). Despite my extensive training and experience, this nagging feeling can sometimes be all-consuming, reminding me that I’m human just like anyone else.
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While school and books offer valuable lessons, it’s in the messy, unpredictable ride of life that the most profound wisdom emerges. Through years of navigating the ups and downs, I’ve uncovered some nuggets of wisdom that have reshaped my perspective, turning what once felt like a guilt trip into an exciting expedition.
Embrace the Chaos: First off, let’s be honest with ourselves and address the elephant in the room: perfectionism. As much as we’d love to be the superhero parents we see on Instagram, complete with perfectly packed lunches and spotless homes, the reality is far messier (literally and figuratively). So, I’ve learned to embrace the chaos and let go of unrealistic expectations. I remind myself this is my reality today, but it won’t be forever. After all, life’s too short to stress over unmade beds and burnt toast!
Be Gentle With Yourself: Next up, self-compassion, my reliable ally in the ongoing fight against mom guilt. Instead of beating myself up over every missed soccer game or forgotten permission slip, I’ve learned to cut myself some slack. We’re all doing our best, so why not show ourselves some love along the way? Whether indulging in a bubble bath or treating myself to a guilt-free slice of cake, self-compassion is my secret weapon against the mom-guilt monster at the end of the day.
It’s About Quality: As much as I’d love to spend every waking moment with my little ones, the reality is that life often gets in the way. But here’s the thing: it’s not about the amount of time we spend together; it’s about the memories we create in those precious moments. Whether we’re baking cookies, building Lego forts, or having impromptu dance parties in the living room, it’s the quality of our interactions that truly matters. So, I’ve learned to make every moment count, even if it’s just a few minutes stolen between meetings or during the morning rush.
Ask for Help; It’s OK!: Alongside other realizations, I’ve come to cherish the invaluable support and assistance from those around me. Whether it’s the words of reassurance from friends, the lending hand of family members or a home helper, or the solidarity from fellow moms, their presence always adds light to my journey. My therapist (because therapists also need mental health support!) offers words of wisdom and a safe space for me to share my feelings. With their unwavering encouragement, the weight of mom-guilt becomes lighter, and the path ahead feels a little brighter.
I Also Matter: And then there’s self-care, my not-so-secret guilty pleasure. From spa days to solo shopping sprees, I’ve made it my mission to prioritize self-care like never before. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup, right? So, whether it’s hitting the gym, having brunch with my girlfriends, taking a longer-than-normal nap, or indulging in a Netflix binge, I’ve learned to carve out time for myself — guilt-free.
But perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned on this crazy journey called motherhood is the power of resilience. Yes, parenting is tough. There are days when I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. But you know what? Every stumble, every setback, every tear shed along the way has only made me stronger. So, I’ve learned to dust myself off, pick myself up, and keep on!
And finally, I’ve come to realize that my kids are far more resilient than I give them credit for. Sure, they may grumble and groan when I accidentally forget their lunch for the umpteenth time, but deep down, they know Mom’s got their back and cares deeply for their wellbeing. So, instead of dwelling on my perceived failures, I choose to celebrate their resilience — and mine.
So there you have it: a glimpse into my wild and wonderful journey through the land of mom-guilt. It’s messy, it’s chaotic, and it’s downright exhausting at times. But you know what? It’s also the most rewarding journey I’ve ever embarked upon. And as I navigate this journey, I take comfort in knowing I’m not alone. So here’s to embracing the chaos, celebrating the victories, and riding the waves of mom-guilt together. After all, it’s all part of the adventure!
Welcome to Family Reset, a monthly column and must-go destination for all parents seeking guidance (and grasping for some sanity) in the wild adventure of raising children. Behind this compelling and candid read is New York psychotherapist, writer, editor, and “mommyyy” Zuania Capó, (or just call her Z), a compassionate, multicultural, and integrative therapist passionate about supporting families to thrive and connect. Armed with a touch of wisdom, insightful tips, a witty spirit, tons of honesty, and a sprinkle of humor, she is here to help you navigate the complexities of parenthood while prioritizing your well-being.
Family Reset is not just a source of advice; it’s a vibrant community where parents can find inspiration, share their stories, and realize they are not alone in the exhilarating roller coaster ride of parenting. Have questions? Want answers? Get ready to hit that reset button and connect with Z at zuania@integrativetherapynj.com.
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