I’m 58 & I’m Still in Love With My Ex-Husband—What Do I Do Now?
Ask a Witch is StyleCaster’s advice column offering sage advice and practical magic for modern problems. Every Friday, our resident witch Roya Backlund will answer your most vulnerable conundrums through the lens of astrology, Tarot, and spirituality. Submit questions to askawitch@stylecaster.com, along with your birth information—date, time, and location—as well as birth information for other parties involved, if you have it. Hex what vexes you: Ask a Witch.
Dear Roya,
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I’m 58 years old, self-employed, and pretty successful. I’ve been alone for more than 15 years. But before that, I was married three times—and I loved men when I was young.
I recently got back in touch with my second husband, who’s 71 years old. For many reasons, he’s the love of my life. We got married when I was 24 and he was 37. We ended up getting divorced mainly because I was just too young. I just wasn’t at the right point in my life to be married.
Nearly three decades later, we ran into each other in Maui, where we both lived at the time. He was in a relationship with a true monster—she scared the shit out of me. If not for her, I think we would have gotten back together. (They’re no longer together—she died several years ago.)
I recently admitted my feelings to my ex-husband, and I strongly believe he never stopped loving me. (I’m the one who left the first time around.) I now live in Oregon with a successful business, and he’s retired in California caring for his elderly mom. I have a comfortable life here in Oregon, and I’m not interested in living in California.
I don’t know what to do and I’m scared. I never thought I’d be in this position again. I never thought I’d deal with these emotions again at my age. I’m very happy living alone—not lonely at all. I’m a loner to begin with, and I’ve never really played well with others.
I’m a little confused on how to proceed. Where do I go from here?
Sincerely,
Afraid to Feel
Dear Afraid to Feel,
First of all, let’s get one thing straight—this is SO exciting. And even though you’re feeling scared out of your wits, you know, deep down, that you’re feeling excited too. Love has a way of catching you off guard with its intensity, but love always feels best when it sweeps you off your feet in a totally unexpected way. So many of us are just going through the motions and clocking in and out of life. But you? You’re the subject of a romance—the kind that people dream of, hoping love will rescue them from the monotony and boredom of life. And when we look back on our favorite memories, it’s always the love stories we cherish the most. If it wasn’t terrifying, it wouldn’t really be love, now would it? Love is strange, shocking, and inconvenient, but it’s also the magic that makes life worth living. You say you used to “love men” when you were young, but your story is far from over.
Second of all, you’re in the middle of your second Saturn return. While you didn’t share your birth time with me, you did share your birth date, which shows you were born during Saturn in Pisces. And at age 58, Saturn—planet of discipline and delayed gratification—has returned to the same position it was in at the moment of your birth. You experience a “Saturn return” every 28 to 30 years, and while your first Saturn return is a cosmic rite of passage that brings you into true adulthood, your second Saturn return deepens your individuality, reminding you that you’re still growing and there’s still so much to learn. It brings your legacy up for review and reminds you of all the unrealized dreams you still have time to experience. And because your Saturn is in dreamy, romantic, and out-of-this-world Pisces, learning how to dive into your wildest fantasies without drowning in them has been a lifelong process for you. Right now, this inner conflict is being brought to the surface, asking you to do things differently this time. (Learn more about what to expect during your Saturn return.)
You say that when you were young, you had fun with men. But for the past 15 years, you’ve enjoyed the peaceful smooth sailing of being on your own. You’re a fierce, independent, and driven Aries. You’re also a curious and freedom-loving Gemini moon, as well as an eccentric and autonomous Venus in Aquarius. With these placements, it’s not surprising that you’ve been thriving as a single woman with a successful self-employed career and no desire to rock the boat with emotional attachments. But with your Mercury, Saturn, and Chiron in Pisces, you’re also heavily influenced by your dreamy and romantic side, as Pisces is a water sign of empathy, sensitivity, open-heartedness, and imagination. Learning how to embrace the Pisces parts of your soul has never been easy, as Chiron rules over your deepest wounds and Saturn represents the heavy weight of your karma. Chances are, love and romance brought drama and uncertainty into your life when you were young, which is why you’ve spent the past 15 years abstaining from it and cultivating a life of stability and personal fulfillment. (Learn more about the three water signs.)
However, you’ve mastered learning how to enjoy life when you’re on your own. You know you don’t need another person to complete you. You’ve learned that love can’t fill a void in your heart, but it can certainly be a bright red cherry on top of an already beautiful life. Your second Saturn return is putting all that you’ve learned to the test. It’s forcing you to ask one very important question: Can love exist without drama? Your life is already wonderful as it is—will falling in love undo everything you’ve built?
Here’s the thing—it probably will, to some extent. But that doesn’t mean it will ruin everything. Love is chaotic to its core. It has a way of making you feel vulnerable and out of control. And while that sounds terrifying, feeling “out of control” is where so much of life’s excitement tends to happen. We humans were not born to live lives in which everything runs smoothly and nothing ever gets complicated. We came here to make a mess—to make mistakes and learn from them. Remember, even the greatest, healthiest, and most cherished relationships come with baggage. And even though love can leave you completely disoriented, it can also make life seem technicolor.
Deep down, you know you’ve been craving something to break the monotony and add a dose of surprise to your life. Although you were never expecting to reconnect with your ex-husband, you know you didn’t have to get to know him again. You didn’t have to invite these feelings to develop, and yet you did. You told your ex-husband you still have feelings for him, but you didn’t have to. When you ran into him in Maui, you could have simply said, “Hello, nice to see you again,” and continued walking. But you didn’t! Years later, and here you are. Whether intentionally or not, you opened your heart to him, which means there’s a part of you that still wants another love story. And after the return of your second husband, you can’t ignore that part of you. As you continue to go through your Saturn return until 2025, you’ll learn how to embrace the uncertainty of love, even though your instinct has always been to escape from it.
Based on the upcoming transits you have to look forward to, I think you’ll continue to rekindle your relationship with your ex and it will lead to glorious results. Jupiter—planet of growth and optimism—will enter Gemini on May 25, where it will enhance and expand your personal life until June 2025. Not only is your moon—which symbolizes your home and heart—in Gemini, but your natal Jupiter is also in Gemini, which means you’re on the verge of major breakthroughs that will take your life to exciting new heights. And as you let these emotions become bigger and bigger, they will also lead to exciting developments in love, as Jupiter in Gemini will form a trine with your natal Venus in Aquarius. I see your home and family becoming bigger, and even though you’re a steadfast Oregonian who has no interest in living in California, you will be creating space for a new phase of your life one way or another. Remember, your Saturn return has a way of redirecting your journey, forcing you to overcome fears and break away from patterns that prevent you from getting what you want. (Learn more about your Venus sign.)
You may have thought all your love stories had come to an end, but you were wrong. Pluto—planet of creation and destruction—has just entered Aquarius, where it will remain for the next 20 years. And because your natal Venus—planet of love, friendship, and romance—is also in Aquarius, you’re beginning to embark on a long, winding journey that transforms your perception of what love is and what a romantic relationship can look like. The climax of this journey is still many years away, but you’re feeling the beginning stages of it now. Only time will tell where this love story takes you, but it’s basically guaranteed that you’ll end up somewhere incredible. (Learn more about Pluto in Aquarius.)
Since last year, the North Node of Destiny has also been moving through Aries, the same zodiac sign you were born under. This means you’re being drawn to experiences that help you grow—experiences you were always meant to have. And currently, you’re in the middle of eclipse season, which has been rocking your sense of identity. On March 25, you experienced a lunar eclipse in Libra that formed an almost exact opposition to your Aries sun, forcing you to recognize all the aspects of yourself you’ve been ignoring or overlooking. And when a total solar eclipse takes place in Aries on April 8, you will feel yourself letting go of outdated perceptions of who you are and embracing a new beginning entirely. When eclipses are involved, you really have very little control over where you end up next. Eclipses have a way of taking over the wheel and driving you exactly where you need to be, even if your destination is the last place you ever intended to reach. Let the chips fall where they may, because your heart is calling the shots and the universe is answering. (Learn more about how the total solar eclipse will affect each zodiac sign.)
I can’t help but feel like this man has returned to your life right when he was always meant to. And while you might feel like turning around and saving yourself all this trouble, you know you can’t back out now. Your heart is being reawakened, and as much as you might want to hit the “snooze” button, you know you couldn’t shut down these exciting feelings if you tried.
About Roya
Roya Backlund is StyleCaster’s Senior Lifestyle & Astrology Editor and a professional witch. Born in Los Angeles on May 26—the same day as Stevie Nicks—she’s been obsessed with the zodiac since she discovered she was a Gemini as a child. Her interest in mysteries and the occult began in the metaphysical section at her local Borders. If you’re a fan of astrology, spirituality, and witchcraft, you’ve probably read her horoscopes and lifestyle articles, which have appeared elsewhere in Elite Daily, PopSugar, Astrology.com, and more. Whether you want to delve deeper into your birth chart or interpret signs from your spirit guides, Roya’s got you covered.
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