How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Benefit Everyone
It's easy to let the stresses of your everyday life get you down, and if you're not sure how to find inner peace and boost your well-being, then meditation may be the answer. Of course, learning how to meditate and practice mindfulness takes some practice, but the benefits are innumerable, both for yourself and for those around you. Loving kindness meditation (also known as LKM or metta meditation) may be particular useful if you're looking to cultivate positive energy and kindness towards others, and learning how to practice loving kindness meditation all starts with understanding what exactly it is.
According to Insight Meditation practitioner Devin Berry, who teaches Dharma and mindfulness through Buddhist meditation, the main practice of metta meditation involves reciting positive phrases toward yourself and others, including family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances, and anyone who may be a part of your life. Like other types of meditation, practicing loving kindness can help reduce the negative emotions you have toward yourself and others, which in turn benefits your mental, emotional, and physical health. If you're ready to get started, then here's what you should know about loving kindness meditation, including what it is, where it originated, and how you can practice it yourself.
What Is Metta "Loving Kindness" Meditation?
Metta as a meditative process has two components: the recipients and the formula. The recipients are those to whom you wish to express kind intentions (such as your friends, family, self, or even difficult people in your life), while the formula is made up of the phrases you use to convey that kindness, as well as the feeling you put behind them. As Berry explains, "The formula is the directing of the mind with phrases and images, connecting to a pure felt sense of warmth, connection, loving kindness, and goodwill." When those elements come together, you're better able to send love, as well as receiving it.
Another big part of loving kindness meditation is repetition. Repeating positive phrases with mindfulness and intention allows you to focus on the phrase and those associated emotions. "You let your mind rest in the phrases," Berry says. "You can be aware of the phrases either with the breath or just in themselves — the focus of the attention is the phrases. Let your mind rest within them. The feelings will come and go as the phrases deepen over time." When done correctly, you may feel transported in a way that Berry describes as "waking up from the trance of inner and outer harm."
What to Know About Metta "Loving Kindness" Meditation:
Originally called metta bhavana, loving kindness meditation is a popular form of Buddhist meditation. In the Pali language, metta means benevolence or kindness, while bhavana means development or cultivation. "Among many other things, loving kindness meditation was originally said to have been offered by the Buddha as a 'protection practice' safeguards for our well-being, protecting us from inner harm, hatred, and ill-will," Berry explains. It's also considered a concentration practice, since the intention is to concentrate on loving kindness and goodwill rather than a practice of quieting the mind or a practice of insight.
According to mental health counselor Alexandra Mejia, LMHC, C-PD, who's the owner of Mindfulness with Sasha, there are a few different forms of metta meditation. The easiest form comes from Radical Openness (which a form of dialectical behavioral therapy or DBT that helps overly-controlled people become more open to experience). "In this form of LKM, you think of a person you love or care for, and then another person you don't know very well and have no strong feelings for, sending them warm wishes of health and happiness," Mejia explains.
The other form of LMK (which is called the Befriending Meditation and may be considered more difficult) compels you to work on your feelings towards yourself or someone with whom you have a tumultuous relationship. "These more difficult styles of LKM are beneficial for more experienced Mindfulness practitioners who are working to process and accept difficult parts of themselves and those around them," adds Mejia.
What are the benefits?
You've likely familiar with the benefits of traditional meditation, but loving kindness meditation will leave you with more than just a sense of calm and relaxation. "The benefits of this meditation in the short term include residual feelings of safety, love, and contentment that last a few minutes to several hours," Mejia says. "Long-term effects include lasting feeling of safety, feeling more connected with others, deeper levels of understanding of ourselves and others behaviors, and increased self esteem."
In the Discourse on the Benefits of Loving-Friendliness (Metta Nisamsa Sutta), the Buddha lists 11 benefits derived from practicing metta meditation — and believe it or not, many of these benefits have actually been confirmed by contemporary scientific research:
We sleep well
We wake up feeling well
We are not likely to have nightmares
Our body relaxes and our face is joyful
Even animals and celestial beings feel drawn to us
Spirits protect us
Fire, poisons, and weapons will not harm us
The mind immediately becomes calm
Our complexion brightens
We’ll die with a clear mind
We’ll die in peace
As Berry explains, "Metta is more pervasive and more natural than any words could express. Words are only pointers to the deep natural capacity of the human heart to abide in pure and complete love." You already have the capacity for loving kindness inside of you — this practice just helps you tap into it.
How to practice:
During loving kindness meditation, you focus benevolent and loving energy toward yourself and others. It takes practice to allow yourself to receive your own love or to send it to others, so try to be patient with yourself. After all, when you're kinder to yourself, you'll find that you have an easier time developing relationships rooted in benevolence with others. "The Buddha talked about the act of developing kind and supportive relationships with others as being 'the whole of the spiritual life,'" Berry says. "Loving kindness is a way to do this."
To start, find a quiet place for yourself where you can rest comfortably, close your eyes, relax your muscles, and take a few deep breaths. Imagine breathing out tension and breathing in feelings of love, then start to generate kind intentions toward certain targets, including yourself and others. "Every meditative practice should begin with a centering and grounding ritual where you focus on your breath and body, allowing your mind to focus on just one thing," Mejia explains.
Once you feel centered, summon in your mind a person you care for, and once that person is in mind, you should focus on "sending" them positive hopes. As Berry suggests, "Whether it's the self, a benefactor, or a good friend that comes to mind, hold a sense of this being — perhaps an image of this being — and direct the phrases towards them, wishing for their happiness and their well-being."
Repeat these positive messages to yourself and let your mind rest in the phrases. "You can repeat the wishes two or three times before letting the image of this person to dissipate and then center yourself again on your breath," Mejia says. "Once you are centered, you move on to the next 'type' of person and bring up an image of someone you don't know very well and repeat the same process with them." Here are a few of the phrases that Mejia uses herself, though you can of course modify them to make them your own:
I hope you are happy.
I hope you have all of your needs met.
I wish for you to be healthy.
I hope you have joy in your life.
Remember: Metta meditation is a practice, not a magical incantation. As your practice develops, it'll become more natural and even second nature for you to wish good will onto others until you no longer feel resentment and selfishness towards others, even if you feel they're wronged you. "Metta is not limited to reciting 'May you be happy,'" Berry says. "We use the phrases merely to remind ourselves of the deepest truths of love and connection."
Tips for beginners:
Not sure who to pick as the first "recipient" of your loving kindness? Berry suggests starting slowly with a "benefactor," such as a teacher or mentor who has inspired, supported, or helped you in some form. He also encourages beginners to think about pets, as you may feel more comfortable sending loving kindness to your beloved pup rather than a person to start.
Mejia recommends starting off with daily practice for the first eight weeks, and then only practicing as needed once the longer-term benefits of loving kindness meditation have kicked in. "Keep trying even if it feels dry, rote, or boring," Berry adds. "It takes time to build the habit and to have the phrases deepen into the meaning." The most important thing is having clear intention, as intention is what drives your practice, and if you're still feeling lost, then following a guided meditation can help.
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