Love Bombing
/ˈləv ˈbämiŋ/
You’ve seen the montage in a million rom-coms: A lovestruck character meets their dream partner and inundates said paramour with every gesture in the book—flowers, good-morning and good-night texts, showing up unannounced at their workplace, and declaring that they can’t live without the other person—even though it’s been only two weeks. Contrary to what the movies might make you think, that’s not love; it’s love bombing.
As Erin Pash, cofounder and CEO of Ellie Mental Health, a national network of therapy clinics, puts it, “Love bombing is when someone goes over the top in a new relationship to try to show how much they like someone.” It’s often characterized by big gestures, like being available 100 percent of the time. If this creeps you out a little, your instincts are correct. “Often, the love bomber will want all of the other person’s time and try to pull them away from friends, family, and even work,” Pash says. “They’re trying to prove how important they are to you and get your attention.” And it happens in both romantic and platonic situations. Think about people you’ve met where the relationship starts with an “obsession” stage—has that friendship flourished, or did it flame out after the initial all-night bonding session?
“The difference between love bombing and showing love is that bombing is nonstop and often done to manipulate someone into making the bomber their top priority,” Pash explains. Yes, it can be done unconsciously—but it can also be deployed intentionally “so you reciprocate your time and affection to them.” That’s why love bombing is often associated with narcissists: They want to be the center of your world.
But this behavior doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship. “Talk with the person and set up healthy boundaries,” Pash recommends, but only if you think they’ll respect those lines, and that they truly mean well. “I highly recommend people check in on their gut feeling,” Pash says. If it seems too good to be true, proceed with caution.
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