Lori Gottlieb answers relationship questions from Yahoo readers
Relationships are hard enough but the coronavirus crisis added a whole new layer of complication. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb helped out two Yahoo readers with their relationship questions and revealed that sometimes keeping things on track might not be as difficult as you might think. Rebecca, a reader from Massachusetts, asked Gottlieb for help navigating her emotions as a single person, sharing in part, “I miss human touch the most, even just a friend’s hand on my shoulder. How can I soothe myself as a solo person who wants to hold to social distancing but is starving for closeness?” Gottlieb recommends reaching out to those around her, even if she thinks they may be busy with other things. Jessica, a reader from New York, asked for help after she and her boyfriend decided to move in together just a week before the quarantine started. Gottlieb advised that Jessica and her boyfriend use this time to have the difficult conversations many couples don’t get to until well into their relationship.
Video Transcript
LORI GOTTLIEB: Hi, it's Lori Gottlieb again, and now we're going to talk a little bit about relationships. And the first one is from Rebecca in Massachusetts, and here's what she writes.
"The divide between those in relationships and friends with kids and single folks like myself has always felt fraught. Now it feels like that divide is even wider. Zoom gatherings leave me feeling even worse than simply being alone. I miss human touch the most, even just a friend's hand on my shoulder. How can I soothe myself as a solo person who wants to hold to social distancing but is starving for closeness?"
So my message to you is please don't hesitate to reach out because people really want to hear from you. They welcome maintaining these friendships. They really want to hear something that's not happening in their household.
And I think sometimes you also mentioned this idea that sometimes you feel a little lonely because you see them and their families, and I think it's easy to idealize a situation that you're not in. You know, they're struggling in lots of ways. Maybe not be struggling in the same way as you are, but they're definitely struggling, and I hear about it in our therapy sessions.
In a lot of ways, what they really want is some of what you have, which is they really want some time to themselves. They want some time to relax. They're very stressed out with the needs of everybody else that they have to take care of. So instead of comparing your situations, please reach out. You will find some common ground, and you'll both really enjoy having that connection and maintaining it during this time.
And now here's one from Jessica in New York.
- So I'm in a new relationship, relatively speaking. We've been together for a year and a half. We decided to move in together a week before the quarantine, and now it feels like we're spending more time together than ever, which is amazing. But how do we come through this feeling stronger and more connected and not totally sick of each other?
LORI GOTTLIEB: So, Jessica, moving in is a big transition during normal times, but now it's especially challenging because it's sort of like trial by fire. And so now the challenge is how do you give each other that time apart that you both so desperately need as you're adjusting to so much time together anyway? So are you aware of the other person's needs?
You guys are going to be having these conversations that maybe some couples don't have for months or even years down the road. You're going to have them right now, and you're going to learn a lot about how do you coexist with each other? what are some differences in your personalities? what are some ways that you can nourish each other? how do you help each other through a trying time?
