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The Masked Singer was more criminally insane than ever this season thanks to living nightmares like the Banana and the Taco, two mutants I’m confident will jump out of my TV and murder me in my sleep any minute now! And while the show is clearly breeding an army of villainous food-themed demons, at least America got to enjoy its favorite pastime: guessing which C-list celebrities were trapped inside those masks, begging to be set free.
Theories: JoJo Siwa
What’s scarier than the T-Rex legit crushing an innocent baby doll in this clue package video? The fact that America thinks JoJo Siwa and her high ponytail are lurking under that mask.
And I hate to say it, but the evidence adds up. Like, look at this compass-y thing:
It points to northwest, and JoJo recently babysat Kim Kardashian’s daughter! Fans also pointed out that the video features a bow (an obvious giveaway), pink slime (oh, god…it’s happening), and references to dancing…which, yeah, JoJo was on Dance Moms. Like, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you WILL be seeing JoJo Siwa break outta that T-Rex in the coming weeks.
UPDATE: It happened.
Theories: Hunter Hayes, Tom Holland, Daniel Radcliffe
Okay, so the prevailing theory here is that the Astronaut is Hunter Hayes. Mostly because he (a) sounds like him and (b) says the words “gravity” and “blue,” which could be references to the song lyric “Welcome to the wild blue, where gravity can’t find you.”
Buuut there is that “far from home” reference, which kinda screams Tom Holland considering he was in Spider-Man: Far From Home.
Also, shout-out to the poor souls who think the Astronaut is Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe because they saw this:
Friends…he would never.
UPDATE: IT! WAS! HUNTER! As I said, Daniel Radcliffe would never.
Theories: Tyler Hubbard, Tim Tebow
The internet seems to think the Rhino is Tyler Hubbard from Florida George Line and they have receipts! Much like the Rhino, Tyler likes dirt bikes. He was also born in Georgia, and there’s a giant pitcher of what looks to be sweet tea in the clue package (a staple of the state)!
But wait, there’s more: The Rhino references crashing and burning, and apparently, Tyler once crashed his bike. We also see the word “faith,” and Tyler is known for being an extremely devout Christian. It adds up!
P.S. Some people think the Rhino is Tim Tebow, but there aren’t that many ~specific~ clues to back that up, so next!
UPDATE: The Rhino was Barry Zito!
The Night Angel
Theories: Kandi Burruss
Once again, fans are basically 100 percent sure that the Night Angel is Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss, mostly based on her voice.
Emphasis on mostly, ’cause did you see that group of old grandmas in the hotel room she opened? Kandi has a restaurant called Old Lady Gang! It’s a small clue, but it’s still a CLUE.
UPDATE: It was Kandi! And she freakin' WON!
Theories: Bella Thorne, Kristen Stewart, Nina Dobrev, Sarah Michelle Gellar
Things we can all agree on: The Swan is plotting our collective doom. Things we cannot all agree on: who TF is in that costume. A lot of people seem to think the Swan is Kristen Stewart (HAHAHAHAH) because of the vampire teeth reference—but other suggestions include Nina Dobrev and Sarah Michelle Gellar. Seems unlikely, but Sarah was in a show called Swan’s Crossing, so.
IMO, though, this is fully Bella Thorne. Fans are pointing to the vampire teeth moment as a reference to Bella’s brand Filthy Fangs, and there’s a ghost mask that could be a reference to Scream, which Bella briefly starred in. Also, Bella knows how to dance ballet, much like this frightening feathered friend!
UPDATE: It’s Bella! The internet wins again!
Theories: Tim Allen, Tom Bergeron
First of all, I’d like us to take a moment to feast upon this UNSPEAKABLE HORROR:
I’ll honestly never forgive The Masked Singer for this. But anyway, if you’re wondering who is underneath this pile of fake lettuce and meat, the internet seems to think it’s Tim Allen based on that “enchiladas and beyond” quote, which could be a Buzz Lightyear reference. To which I say, LEAVE TOY STORY OUT OF THIS, YOU MONSTERS.
Also, some people think this is America’s Funniest Home Videos’ Tom Bergeron, which would make a lot more sense.
UPDATE: It’s Tom Bergeron! Which, thank god, because I truly wasn’t emotionally prepared for this to be the end of Tim Allen’s career.
Theories: Emma Stone, Emma Watson, Elizabeth Berkley, Vanessa Hudgens
As if Cats weren’t bad enough, we’re now being forced to endure the Kitty’s presence on The Masked Singer, and frankly, it’s a catastrophe. Let’s just say that my eyeballs could do without seeing a cat dressed up in a sexy leotard—I get enough of that every time I accidentally end up on Reddit. Anyway, literally no one can agree on who this is, and guesses range from Emma Stone (lol) to Emma Watson (lolololololololol). Clearly, neither of these actual actresses would ever do this show, so let’s lower our expectations, kay?
Realistic candidates include Elizabeth Berkley (she has different colored eyes, much like this cat), a Bachelor contestant (due to the roses), Elizabeth Gillies, or Vanessa Hudgens (wildcats were the mascot in High School Musical, just saying).
Oh, and to the poor people who think this is Taylor Swift: Are you okay?
UPDATE: It was Jackie Evancho. The internet has never been more confused.
Theories: Dionne Warwick
Welp, basically everyone agrees the Mouse is legendary singer Dionne Warwick. The “1979” on those jerseys in the clue package? Probs a reference to her time hosting the TV show 1979 Solid Gold (plus, note the gold pom-poms!). The Mouse also uses the phrase “walk on,” which could be a reference to her hit song “Walk on By.” Oh, and Dionne grew up in East Orange, New Jersey, and there’s a giant orange “E” on the football scoreboard in this video:
UPDATE: The internet once again has nailed it! Dionne Warwick is officially the Mouse.
Theories: Bret Michaels, Darius Rucker, Blake Shelton, Billy Ray Cyrus
It goes without saying that whoever is living in this Banana needs to be rescued immediately. I would say “BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP,” but (a) the Banana’s eyes are dead and unblinking and (b) there’s no question that this individual is in grave danger and must be saved. Therefore, it is our civic duty to split this mystery wide open (get it, that was a banana peel joke, ha ha ha, help).
Fans seem pretty convinced that this poor, lost soul is Poison singer Bret Michaels. He’s known for wearing a cowboy hat (which we see in the clue package), and he fell at the Tony Awards one year (yep, we see the Banana fall!). BUT! There’s also speculation that it’s Darius Rucker from Hootie & the Blowfish, thanks to a literal blowfish on the ground and our dude saying he likes to have a “hoot” of a time.
P.S. Some confused fans are guessing people like Blake Shelton and Billy Ray Cyrus based on…well, nothing. God help ’em.
UPDATE: As expected, the Banana was not Blake Shelton or Billy Ray Cyrus. It was Bret Michaels, who will henceforth be known as the man who ruined fruit for me.
Theories: Bow Wow, Usain Bolt
Bad news, I accidentally made eye contact with the Frog and it caused me to leap straight into insanity. But now that I’m here, I may as well discuss the prevailing fan theory that this singing amphibian is Bow Wow.
Honestly, it’s basically impossible for it not to be Bow Wow. The $106 in cash is almost definitely a reference to 106 & Park (which he hosted), the lightning bolt reference seems like a shout-out to his Greenlight mixtapes, and most obvious of all? The microphone with a thumbs-up. Dude was literally in the movie Like Mike. I mean, c’mon!
Also, shout-out to the show for trolling everyone who paused on this newspaper clipping:
P.S. Some fans think the Frog is Usain Bolt but that…seems unlikely.
UPDATE: It was Bow Wow!
Theories: Jesse McCartney, Zac Efron, Donnie Wahlberg
Fans think the Turtle is Jesse based mostly on his voice—plus the fact that he’s seen holding a surfboard in the clue package (which could be a reference to his very important Teen Choice Award).
HOW-EV-ER: A few people believe the Turtle is Donnie Wahlberg based on a reference to “step by step” (the name of a New Kids on the Block album) and a burger moment (in case you forgot, Donnie co-owns a burger chain called Wahlburgers).
Convincing! But keep in mind that there’s also this Zac Efron theory:
UPDATE: It was Jesse!!!!
The White Tiger
Theories: Rob Gronkowski, The Rock
Fans are convinced NFL champ Rob Gronkowski is the White Tiger based on several intriguing hints. For starters, there’s the Abe Lincoln quote, “Fourscore and seven years ago,” aka 87, aka Gronk’s jersey number.
But other fans think “fourscore and seven years ago” is a reference to the number 47, aka The Rock’s age. Plus, I mean, the White Tiger does sound a lot like our man Dwayne.
UPDATE: It was Rob. You win again, internet.
Theories: Drew Carey, Jack Black
The Llama is honestly one of the scarier costumes on this show, and I would prefer to never find out what’s crouching inside its furry depths. But the internet seems to think it’s Drew Carey because of a reference to the “sounds of Seattle” in the below clue video. Ya see, turns out Drew is part owner of the Seattle Sounders FC football team! Who knew?!
Meanwhile, there’s a whole bunch of people out there who think this is Jack Black based on a black jack playing card. Sure, friends!
Side note—thoughts and prayers to the person who left the below comment on YouTube:
“This is Joaquin Phoenix, I think.”
R U OKAY?
UPDATE: The Llama is, in fact, Drew Carey! CONGRATULATIONS, INTERNET, YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN.
Theories: Chaka Khan, Missy Elliott
People think Miss Monster is Chaka Khan mostly because of a hint about “fire,” which could be a reference to her song “Through the Fire.” Miss Monster also uses locker #10 and Chaka has—you guessed it—10 Grammy Awards.
Even Questlove agrees:
Then again, others think Miss Monster is Missy Elliott and she’s out here playing with us:
UPDATE: The internet was once again right! Honestly, I’m scared by how smart these fans are.
Theories: Jordyn Woods, Natalie Imbruglia, Jordin Sparks
Kay, there’s no way the Kangaroo isn’t Jordyn Woods. She says she’s a “survivor” (LORD KNOWS SHE SURVIVED THE KARDASHIANS), she “recently lost a person” (could be a reference to her father, who passed away, sadly), and she “found herself in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.” I mean…c’mon.
That said, Natalie’s name is floating around the internets, and Jenny McCarthy thinks the Kangaroo is Jordin. But, like…when has Jenny ever been right on this show? Exactly.
UPDATE: IT WAS FREAKIN’ JORDYN WOODS.
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