Literally Just 64 Tweets From This Month That I Cannot Stop Thinking About
Somehow, another year has flown right by and we only have a month left in 2022. But instead of thinking about it and sending yourself into a spiral about how time isn't real, distract yourself with these really funny tweets from this month:
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
when my sister drives I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor
2.
3.
just got asked if poly people break up by voting them out like among us
4.
no matter how small you try to make that “unsubscribe” at the bottom of an email, I WILL FIND IT
5.
i didn’t care for ed edd n eddy… even at a tender age i had the capacity to recognise beauty and glamour. i could see something decidedly unchic was afoot
6.
Me omw to the bathroom after my bladder bursts sitting through 25 minutes of trailers, the Dolby Cinema intro, Nicole Kidman, the new DreamWorks animated intro, and then a full movie
7.
She told me to post her
8.
yesterday she ripped the diaper off and pissed on the floor. today she’s throwing things over the balcony. the christening didn’t work.
9.
me patiently waiting for him to make the first move because as nasty as i am i'm still shy
10.
Them sex flashbacks be coming at you like them visions from Thats so Raven 😭
11.
thanksgiving be trash now cause grandmas be 35😭😭😭😭😭 ain’t enough pain in that mac&cheese
12.
EVERYTHING KEEPS COSTING MONEY
13.
dating in New York b like you gotta just find that one good person and beg them to please stop
14.
I asked my mom did she care that I was gay and she said why would I give af it ain’t my ass I was to stunned to speak
15.
went to go get another roll and my uncle said “damn we want some too”
16.
Hey man thanks for inviting me over to your Friendsgiving do you think you could ask the friends of yours that I don’t know to leave so I can feel more comfortable
17.
"why y'all clapping at 3AM?"
18.
19.
come over, we’re getting violently high and seeing dad as a real person
20.
when he gets a little too carried away and forgets you need to breathe
21.
“Your order has shipped””we’ve shipped it!””Your order is on its way!”
22.
my bf’s friend group (26 year olds) got drunk and retook the SATs
23.
I guess somewhere around the age of 12 it became my turn to go on the computer, and it still is. my turn just didn't end. more than a decade later I'm still here, on the computer
24.
“can you send us a writing sample?” no but i can send you multiple screenshots of me killing it in the group chat
25.
One minute you’re a 22 year old teenager next thing u know you’re a 25 year old senior citizen
26.
27.
damn shawty that seems indicative of a much larger issue
28.
1000 Twitter employees with three months severance. Pray for Mexico City.
29.
I saw the best minds of my generation ruined by 3 month situationships
30.
My favorite thing to cook for a man is a knuckle sandwich!
31.
“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.
32.
me doing one hour of selfcare after doing 23hours of self-destruction
33.
34.
me defending my spotify wrapped
35.
it was the tail end of the bush era, the house market was crumbling, the stock market was crashing, people were being laid off left and right…and she rose from the ashes with nothing but a party city costume wig and a dance beat https://t.co/2TIYQkjEcg
36.
When you high as fcuk & remember that you saved food for this exact moment
37.
At my grandma’s house and just accidentally let out a “yall stop running in and out” omg it’s over 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
38.
39.
when someone has a long instagram story i like to skip thru them really fast to understand how their life would look if it flashed before their eyes
40.
Me, whispering to Starbucks employee: Someone took a large…sorry…a venti poop on the floor.
41.
saying go piss girl when someone needs to pee is just as respectful and important as saying bless u when someone sneezes and i stand by that.
42.
Lady behind me at The Thing screening last night to her partner "why are they shooting at the dog?" and her partner says very firmly "have you never seen a film before? You watch it and information is revealed"
43.
Forgot to ask for oat milk in my coffee
44.
the new twitter blue verification checks
45.
me rolling up before thanksgiving dinner😂
46.
me freaking out and hiding when the maintenance guys knock on my apartment door even though I was the one who asked them to come fix something
47.
me at the gym asking if anyone is using the 5 lb dumbbell
48.
Jennifer Coolidge as Hilary Duff in The Lizzie McGuire movie
49.
It’s November, y’all know what that means
50.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 3rd sneeze, lets get it together.
51.
i love calling my parents on a sunday morning because when i call my mom it is like mom…i ate a yogurt parfait and toast with butter and she says erica that is so great but when i call my dad it is always like: “erica …it is time for you to start a business.”
52.
I just know the calcium from all that activia yogurt transformed her skull into titanium steel
53.
54.
I would never “plan for the future”. A Bible level miracle is going to happen to me
55.
me leaving for work at 8:15, hoping to get there by 8:00
56.
Me: Im so good at flirting.Me on a date:
57.
Me randomly deciding to leave the club without telling anyone
58.
If you have a wrist band you can leave and come back. https://t.co/6xoWBhYVXC
59.
born to “idk ❤️” forced to “I’ll investigate and circle back”
60.
me whenever my friends start vaping in front of me
61.
I love a “c*m for me” ass partner. Like imma do that anyway but you want me to dedicate this next one to you? I feel like Usher. This is for you! You! My number one 😌
62.
him: “you must be goofy if you think we are fucking 😑”meee:
63.
The NYU student who took over my lease has owed me $100 for weeks, and when I asked him to pay me, he said he felt bullied and then sent me a Psychology Today article about gaslighting.
64.
You either date Pete Davidson or have a baby with Nick Cannon. Those are the only two life paths for women
