‘This life is only fun to people who haven’t gone through it’ | Opinion

Editor’s note: This is one in a series of guest columns by Wichita-area residents to tell their stories, in their words, spotlighting barriers that deter full participation in the life of the community. Funding for Unheard Voices has been provided by the American Press Institute through its Civic Discourse and Community Voices Fund.

I began affiliating with gangs in my teens. I was in and out of jail.

As a young kid I was fascinated by the lifestyle of gang culture. I was attracted by their reputation of being bad.

According to my parents they were up to no good. I didn’t know what they meant by that. The gang members that hung out in the area were always nice to me and would give me money for ice cream when the ice cream truck came around at the park.

The kids who bullied me were intimidated by them.

But not me.

I wanted to be like them.

They were the cool group on the block.

The older I got, I began to see what my parents meant about them being up to no good. Nonetheless it’s what I wanted to be, so I joined a gang.

I soon began getting desensitized to violence and engaged in criminal activity.

At first, I wanted to prove to myself and others that I had what it took to be a gangster.

Little did I know that lifestyle would be hard to get out of. My definition of a man was beginning to be warped.

I fell into a cycle of self-destructive behavior. I was taught to embrace the consequences of my actions.

Going to jail was just a part of gangster application. I never thought about developing a work ethic because in my mind. only squares worked.

Real gangsters ran the streets all day looking for a quick way to make a buck. I’ve spent most of my adult life in this childish mindset.

I’ve spent most of my 20s in federal prison and the Kansas Department of Corrections.

Toward the end of my last prison term, I began seeing that if I continued this same behavior, I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison, and the older you get, the more you realize that all you are doing is wasting years of your life.

You eventually get tired of the violence; you get tired of going back to prison. People that you know die. Your close friends either tell on you or they leave that lifestyle behind.

Pretty soon it’s just you alone in a cell, living a mere existence.

When I was released from prison in 2019, I put forth my best effort to stay free and straighten up my life. Going to work every day, trying to be a father, trying to renew my mind — all at once — it’s exhausting.

I ended up giving up and relapsing and fell back into the same self-destructive behavior.

I was out for 3 1/2 years, the longest I had been out since my teens, but it felt like ten years.

I’m currently back in jail facing a lengthy prison sentence. I have failed my kids because I won’t be there to help raise them.

My hat goes off to you men that go to work every day, help raise your kids and stay out of jail. I wish I could be half the man you are.

I’m 33 years old and I don’t consider myself a man. I’m not physically weak or nothing, but all I am is a former gang member who has dropped out of the gang trying to learn how to be a man.

You kids out there trying to be gangsters or already are — learn from my story.

Don’t be like me, because the gang life can get you killed, put you in prison for life, addicted to drugs or in and out of jail.

Get out of that mindset. Just because are quick to anger and to violence don’t make you a man.

Quit thinking you’re going to hustle, get rich and retire. Things don’t happen like that.

Even the smoothest criminal one day must get caught. I never met an old drug dealer who never went to jail.

Open your eyes. Slow it down. Don’t put all your energy into that destructive lifestyle. Think about your future.

Don’t become like me — just a failure. Don’t think you’re untouchable, because you can be touched.

This life is only fun to people who haven’t gone through it. Learn a trade. Get legal money. Have some self-discipline. Think about the consequences or be a casualty.

My name is Felipe Maldonado-Guizar. I have ruined my life on drugs and criminal activity, behaviors I picked up running around in the streets with a gang.

I have dropped out of the gang life. I have surrendered my life to the Lord because I need something different.