Lenny Kravitz on His New Memoir, That Scarf Meme and How to Get His Abs

For the past seven months, Lenny Kravitz ditched his home in Paris for a sun-soaked life in The Bahamas, where he has long maintained an estate. “I've basically been around about five people,” Kravitz tells GQ. You can almost feel his Zen attitude vibrating over the phone.

But despite his relaxed surroundings, Kravitz, 56, has remained busy this month. On October 6th, the rock musician released his new memoir Let Love Rule, named after his 1989 debut studio album, which details the first 25 years of his life. In the first of two parts, Kravitz recalls his vibrant childhood between New York and Los Angeles, his fraught relationship with his father, his unstoppable passion for music and his relationship with Lisa Bonet. Along the way, Kravitz meets his heroes, learns to embrace his identity as a Black Jew, and falls in love.

Throughout his 30-year career, Kravitz has been a sex symbol, a pop culture fixture, a meme, an ultimate guitar shredder and a walking Pinterest board of abs. His daughter with Bonet is actress and singer Zoe Kravitz, and Bonet’s new husband is actor Jason Momoa. “We're one family, and that's how we live our lives,” he says.

In early October, Kravtiz discussed his new memoir, workout routine, the recent memes that have made him a viral sensation and more.

GQ: You had such an incredible upbringing around so many artistic people. But one of the main cruxes of the story is your relationship with your mom and your dad. What did you learn from your own parents that you applied as a father?

Lenny Kravitz: Obviously with my father, as you read, we had a very challenging relationship. Although he loved me and I loved him, it was a very challenging relationship. He wasn't that warm father that I would have wanted. I'm sure that I became extremely warm as a parent, as a father to my child, because I knew that's the way it should be, and that's what I wanted. And my mother was so loving, so warm, so hands-on, emotionally available and was always doing her best to teach me. But my father, he did expose me to so many wonderful things growing up in New York City. I needed that fire under my ass, because that pushed me to really start my journey early, to leave the house and find my way. Putting myself out there in the world was the most incredible education that I could have had. That was my university: Leaving home at 15 or 16.

Something you mentioned in the book is your dad's style. What did you learn from him in terms of style?

He was a well-dressed man. He loved his suits. It was the 1970s, so the clothes had more flair, color and patterns. But he was a sharp man. He was charismatic. He was intelligent. He was funny. I could see how he used that warmth on other people, I just think he didn't quite know how to apply that to me, perhaps based on his relationship with his father, and also him becoming a military person. He kind of raised me as though he was a sergeant, and I was a private.

One of the things that I really love from the memoir is how your mom set up this presence of five godmothers. You say in the book, "Black feminine energy kept me sane." What did you learn from having those five different women in your life?

I recognized their strength: how much love they could give, how supportive they could be, how talented they were and how they were the rock of the family, and their families. I always felt seen by them, even as a child. I marveled at their God-given talents. These women were just juggling everything. Not only were they trailblazers in their fields, they were also taking care of their families, their men and their lives. Having those kinds of women around me was really nurturing.

Religion and spirituality have really been an undercurrent in so many aspects of your life. What is your relationship with spirituality and religion now?

I just like to look at it very simply: I have a relationship with my creator, with God, and I live within that. I feel the presence of God everyday in life and just waking up and looking out at nature, in everything that I do. I'm aware that it all comes from God, comes from creation. I'm just thankful and I'm aware, and I live in a constant state of gratitude. Because I see it all as blessings. Yeah, I might work hard, and I might've honed my craft and that helped to make something big happen to me, but I know that it's a blessing, I know that the gifts were all given to me from God.

Judaism was a part of your upbringing. Do you still celebrate the Jewish holidays?

I was given all of it. Nobody told me what I had to believe or what I should believe, which was wonderful. It was for me to discover, and my parents wanted me to know both sides of my heritage, culture, religion, everything. That gave a very rich upbringing, and of course, growing up the way I did, I had no idea about prejudice. Until the conversation started when I went to first grade and the kid jumped out in front of my parents and myself, and made this loud point that my father was white and my mother was Black, I had no idea really what that was about because for me, growing up in the house with both sets of family and all of the people that my parents were friends with, was an artist scene. So, every color, every background, religion, heritage, everything was in our apartment. Yes, I understood that people looked differently, but I just understood that that was life. To go to school that first day, and for someone to make a point based on the skin tone of my parents, baffled me. I didn't think about it being an issue, and that was wonderful that I had six years of that before it was brought to my attention in that kind of way.

For years you've been writing songs about systemic racism. Raise Vibration, which was released in 2018, had a hopeful undertone. It's been a few years since that record--would your next one have the same sense of optimism?

I'm always going to be optimistic, but there are definitely points that you have to say what you have to say. It's just amazing where we've gone. I keep saying if my grandparents could come back and see what was going on today, they would not comprehend. My mother wouldn't even comprehend. These are the people that were fighting and struggling for all of this, sacrificing and doing what they had to do to move things forward. And just to see how backwards it's gone, it's absolutely stunning. But the music that I'm making now...I just got back in the studio. It's a little early to see where the record's going completely, but there definitely will be points made.

There’s a moment in the book that is definitely more serious. While you were sleeping, a girl started to go down on you at your parents' friend Nigel's party. Did you ever tell your parents about what happened there?

No. I would've gotten him in so much trouble.

Did you consider it sexual assault?

People today would say...someone in my position could say "yes," but it didn't affect me like that because once I expressed that wasn't my desire, she did stop. She didn't keep trying to push. So, for me, it was like, "Okay, it was an experience to try." I let her know that's not where it was going to go. She stopped.

It was painful to read about your dad's infidelity. When he said those words to you, "you'll do it too," how did they resonate with you throughout your life?

I knew it was a horrible thing to say, and I didn't understand why he would say that. The reason that my mother had us in the room to have that conversation to begin with was that he was leaving and because she saw it as a great opportunity—I'm sure—because I know my mother, and she [wanted him] to redeem himself in some way or to acknowledge how wrong it was and to teach me something at that moment. And of course, that's not what he did. He said what he said, and for years and years, I just couldn't understand how he could say something like that.

But in writing the book, I understand that was a fucked up thing to say, period. Because his father had done the same [cheating], and he was so angry at his father for that and didn't want to repeat that, I think that was his way of saying, "Well, you can't beat this family or this curse." Now, wrong thing to say, not cool and quite damaging, but I think that he was baffled by his behavior and ashamed of his behavior, but thought, “Well, that's just the way it is. That's how men behave,” or “That's how my father did, and I did it.” So, I found a way to have some compassion about it, but nonetheless, it was intense.

You were really intentional about waiting to sign a record deal and turned a lot of them down before accepting an offer. When did you know it was the right time to do it?

These people at Virgin Records...it was the first time I had a meeting where nobody said, "We think you're talented, great, but you need to change your style or have a producer," or anything like that. They believed in the music. They didn't know if it would sell. They didn't know how they were going to market me. They knew that I didn't fit into a box and that I wasn't commercial, but they liked the music. They said they wanted to sign me right after that meeting, which was shocking to me after trying to get a deal for so long. I was given the opportunity to be myself and to have creative control. That was the deal I had been waiting for.

Over the years, in addition to your music career, you've become a pop culture fixture, and you've had a couple of memes go viral, including one with a scarf. So I have to ask: Do you still own that giant scarf?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Okay, the scarf is big, but the internet has made the scarf enormous. You look at some of those [images] and it's just like, "Okay guys, the scarf is three times bigger than it really is in this picture, but it was big and it was cold. It's funny to see, especially on Halloween. People either do the Lenny Kravitz look—the onstage look -- or they do the scarf. And it's funny, I saw some pictures yesterday of this little kid who did the whole thing perfectly down to the plastic bag coming from the grocery store.

Do your friends and family ever send you the meme?

No, but I see it online, trust me.

There’s another meme of your pants ripping and you accidentally exposing yourself on stage. It was the fifth anniversary of that moment recently. Did you ever replace those pants?

I didn't. I was in the middle of a concert. I just kept going. I had to obviously go take care of it, but I didn't even think about it. I was just like, "All right, whatever. I gotta finish this show." You're onstage singing. You're doing your thing.

What's your secret to remaining ageless?

I mean, do I watch what I put into my body? Yes. Do I take care of myself? Yes. Do I eat organically and vegan and blah, blah, blah? Yeah. Do I work out and take care of my body and my limbs? Yes, I do all of that. So, I have that and I've been trained in that from a young age, but also it's the genes. It's my family genes. It's also how I think and what I allow into my mind. It's also the fact that I love doing what I do: I love making music and being an artist. I think they're all contributors.

More specifically, how do normal people get your abs?

I work out. I do lots of cardio. I love riding my bike. I like being outdoors doing cardio, especially here in the Bahamas. I take long rides. I ride for an hour, an hour and a half, and eat very clean. And of course, my workout routine, which is weightlifting and all kinds of body weights.

You and Jason Momoa are not just family, but you’re friends. What's your favorite activity to do with him?

We love each other, we support each other, and it's wonderful having that relationship. It isn't anything that takes effort, we just are that way. We're both into guitars and bass and drums, instruments in general. And we're both into motorcycles. We both ride motorcycles. We both play instruments. We both have Airstream trailers. It's funny. That's how it was in the beginning. We're both into design, as well.

Originally Appeared on GQ