Is This the Least Bike-Friendly Halloween Costume?
I was a bike messenger for seven years. In fact, Bicycling's fact-checker will doubtless confirm I was the coolest, fastest courier to pedal the streets of Portland, Oregon. I could ride across the Burnside Bridge without spilling my coffee. I could carry my body weight in architectural blueprints. I could make captivating small talk in elevators about the weather. But here's what I couldn't do: deliver packages in a full-body banana costume.
The first sign that riding a bike dressed as elongated produce might be a bad idea was that my peripheral vision was severely limited. And I was far less aerodynamic, with an unwieldy lower extension that had to be slumped over my top tube to free up my legs. But it was Halloween, so I coped—for a while.
It wasn't until I was hammering up Fifth Street at lunch hour that I realized I should have just been a superhero for the third year in a row. The costume's, um, tip got wedged between the down tube and the front tire, and it was over. My tubular, fruit-encased body was dispatched over the handlebar, where I landed on my back—unconscious—in the middle of the street.
Related: 10 Famous People Who Used to Be Bike Messengers
When I came to, the entire workforce of downtown Portland hovered over me, looking for signs of life. Someone was already directing traffic around the accident scene, which consisted of a life-size banana splayed out in the middle of a normally busy intersection. No, I wasn't wearing a helmet. And yes, I was subjected to copious "banana split" and "bruised fruit" puns once my giant, yellow carcass had been dragged out of the road.
Fortunately, the spill left me with no aftereffects save for a couple of lessons about safe riding: If you're going to pedal in costume, choose something less likely to get caught in your wheels. And if you do go over your handlebar into traffic, seek medical attention promptly—if for no other reason than to avoid the thousand guffawing witnesses you'll continue to encounter for the rest of the day.
The Best Costumes for Cyclists
Capeless Crusader
Some bike-friendly superheroes: Green Lantern, Flash, Spiderman, Wolverine, Daredevil, the Hulk, and Nightcrawler.
Nub-Tailed Animal
Polar bear, hedgehog, and bunny: good. Octopi and spider monkeys: ouch.
Elliot from E.T.
All you need is jeans and a red hoodie, a bike, a bike basket, and a toy replica or cardboard cutout of your alien friend.
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