Learning to trust yourself with money
What does the concept of self-trust mean to you? How significant do you find this concept to be, particularly as women and mothers? So often our struggles with money stem from a lack of trust in ourselves. But when you understand the root causes, and implement certain strategies, you can learn to trust yourself with money and improve your relationship with it.
I am a mother of 2 boys, a runner, a Certified Financial PlannerⓇ and host of the Money Isn’t Scary podcast. I have 18 years of experience in the financial industry and I love the impact I’ve been able to make and continue to make!
Looking back, it’s hard to imagine a world where women weren’t able to have a bank account without a man. But this was the reality in 1970. This belief that women were incapable of managing money responsibly was widespread in a society that viewed women as delicate creatures who lacked the understanding and competence that men possessed. Even though this view is outdated and unfair, it still impacts the way some women perceive themselves. With this history from the past weighing down, it’s no wonder why you might find it difficult to trust yourself with money.
I, like so many others, have always relied on external validation and guidance from others. We believe that someone else knows better and that we need help. This mindset has caused us to dismiss our own thoughts and instincts. In other words, we lack self-trust.
If you find yourself worried about making wrong decisions, constantly seeking reassurance from others or even comparing yourself to others then, we’re all in the same boat. This lack of self-trust manifests in excessive guilt and constant fear of making mistakes. And all of that feeds into having a hard time trusting yourself with money. How are you going to trust yourself with money, when trusting yourself with a decision is challenging?
Our childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our self-trust. Mistakes that were met with punishment or criticism can impact our confidence. Think of it this way, if your parents always swooped in and fixed your problems you may start to doubt your ability to handle difficult situations. Growing up with a victim mentality can also hinder your self-trust. You might think that life’s circumstances are beyond your control, but what if you started believing in yourself and your abilities, especially when it came to how you trust yourself with money? Many of us associate trust with external factors like trusting others to fulfill their obligations. Trusting ourselves is a relatively new concept that requires us to tune into our needs and instincts. It involves being aware of our own thoughts and feelings, and expressing ourselves honestly.
How to heal your relationship with money
So what are some ways you can start to trust yourself with money and cultivate self-trust? To heal your relationship with money you also have to heal your relationship with yourself.
Begin by listening to your needs and instincts instead of immediately seeking others’ opinions. Sit with your feelings and consider your options. Figure out the pros and cons. Resist the impulse to constantly seek reassurance from others. This allows you to build confidence in your ability to manage difficult emotions and helps you start to trust yourself with money.
Self-compassion is the next step on the road to developing self-trust. Sometimes we are our own biggest critics, constantly undermining our confidence and hindering our ability to trust ourselves. When we offer ourselves the same support and understanding we would give a friend or loved one, we can begin to cultivate authentic self-compassion. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and start to trust yourself with money, because these are opportunities for growth and learning. Change your expectations and let go of perfectionism.
Having the ability to handle difficult emotions is another facet of trusting yourself with money. It’s important to practice healthy emotional management so that when we feel something that feels bad, we trust ourselves to process and work through it.
My own journey has made me realize that our relationship with money, as well as other aspects of our lives, begins with our relationship with ourselves. Personally, I’ve had to make a lot of intentional effort to quiet the outside noise and focus my energy and attention on the inside. This isn’t easy, especially when the world around us as moms is chaotic, but it’s essential.
By understanding the historical and cultural factors that have shaped our lack of self-trust, we can challenge and overcome these beliefs. Tuning into our needs and instincts, practicing self-compassion, embracing vulnerability and giving ourselves permission to make mistakes are all crucial steps in learning to trust ourselves. As we cultivate self-trust, we gain the confidence to make decisions aligned with our values and pursue our dreams without seeking external validation.
