Kristin Cavallari on Finding Happiness in Alone Time and Going with the 'Flow'

Three years after her high-profile divorce, the Uncommon James founder and author is feeling better than ever.

There's nothing like a life-altering event to make a person slow down, reevaluate basically everything, and (hopefully) come out the other side a stronger, happier, and more secure human. For Kristin Cavallari, her 2020 divorce from ex-husband Jay Cutler led her to rework many things in her life and three years later, the Uncommon James founder, NY Times bestselling author, and host of the forthcoming Dear Media podcast, "Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari" (launching September 12), tells Shape she is "the most peaceful and happy I've ever been in my entire life."

Getting to that happy, peaceful place took work of course, the bulk of which required Cavallari, 36, to reestablish a relationship with herself. For years, the busy mom of three and business owner says she prioritized everyone and everything but herself. "I put myself last and I was really burned out," she says. "With my divorce, I didn't have my kids full-time anymore and so I had alone time for the first time in a long time. It was really weird at first because I didn't know what to do with it. What I chose to do was really work on myself – mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it."

"I've had a lot of time to really look inward and really figure out my s—, for lack of a better word," she adds with a laugh. "And I think I've grown more in the last three years than I have in my entire life because of that."

Growth can be tricky for everyone, especially when you're doing it in the public eye, which Cavallari has been in since the early aughts. The then-teenager was catapulted into the spotlight via MTV's hit reality series Laguna Beach and The Hills.

Cavallari parlayed her early TV fame into hosting and guest judge gigs (Project Runway All Stars, Beat Bobby Flay), along with several acting roles (Veronica Mars, Van Wilder: Freshman Year, The Middle), and her own reality series Very Cavallari. In addition to on-camera work, the entrepreneur launched three brands: Uncommon James, Uncommon James Home, and Uncommon Beauty. She has also written three cookbooks (True Roots, True Comfort, Truly Simple) and the memoir/wellness book, Balancing in Heels. Cavallari is currently hard at work on her clean skincare line Uncommon Beauty.

Despite the laundry list of accomplishments and current projects, Cavallari says her "life has calmed down quite a bit." Living outside Nashville, TN (away from Hollywood) certainly helps. She even grows her own vegetables and herbs and has chickens. "It's been a dream come true," she says. Still a master multi-tasker and organizer extraordinaire, especially as a parent (to sons Camden, 10, Jaxon, 8, and daughter Saylor, 7, whom she shares with Cutler), Cavallari admits that one of her big recent life lessons was learning to let go and embracing flow.

"I do feel like I'm just more in a state of flow, just letting whatever's supposed to happen, happen."

Kristin Cavallari on her new perspective

"I used to be very much about a routine and there was no wiggle room. I would get really down on myself if I missed a workout or missed whatever it was," she explains. "That was all about trying to control everything in my life. I have learned to relax a little bit more and am in more of a state of flow. I try to choose a word for the year and this year I chose 'flow.' I do feel like I'm just more in a state of flow, just letting whatever's supposed to happen, happen."

Here, Cavallari shares her work in progress, the freedom in letting go, the importance of treating yourself, and (possibly) stepping up her SPF regimen.

Keep It Simple Skincare

As the founder of a beauty and skincare company, Uncommon Beauty, Cavallari has a clear advantage with access to all things glam. However, she does not go overboard and sticks to a streamlined skincare routine. "Even though I'm 36, I still get a breakout from time to time. So all the people that said when you hit your thirties, they go away, they lied," she says. "But of course, my skincare has evolved in the sense that now I care about fine lines and wrinkles and If I do not wash my face at night, I feel like it clogs my pores. I just feel disgusting the next morning. That is the most important thing for me." Cavallari keeps her makeup as minimal as possible. "I use our Uncommon Beauty Bronzing Drops, and I'll usually just use them by themselves," she says. "But if I really don't have any color, then I'll mix them with my moisturizer (her Daily Water Cream). And it just gives you a really nice tinted glow on your face that of course washes off at night. And then I do mascara and I fill in my brows and that's all I do in my day-to-day makeup routine."

Plus SPF of course, right? "So don't kill me. I don't [regularly] use SPF. I'll use it on my face if I'm going to be in the sun specifically, but I really don't use a lot of sunscreen," she admits. "I know. It's horrible. I can thank my dad. I have those Italian genes, I can kinda get away with it."

Embrace An Evolved Fitness Philosophy: Listen to Your Body

Fitness and working out have long been a part of Cavallari's life – dedication to which was actually jumpstarted by her troublemaker teen years. "I got into a lot of trouble in the summers after my sophomore [and] junior years of high school and so I got grounded," she recalls with a laugh. "One of the things my dad made me do was work out while I was grounded. I think it was to show me how good you can feel while working out, but that was the first time where it became more of a consistent thing. At the time I was like, 'What the hell, Dad?' But now, as an adult, I realize that was actually really cool."

Cavallari admits that she has had a tendency to be a little too strict with herself about sticking to workout routines, but in adopting her "flow" mentality, her workouts are motivated by paying attention to what her body needs. "I was working out with my trainers three days a week and I actually gained more weight than I wanted to," she says. "It's important to lift weights and I love where my muscle is at now, but I had to back off. We all have to figure out what works for us. I think it's more about listening to your body and also how you feel in your clothes. I don't really like weighing myself. I will from time to time just to check-in. But for the most part, [I measure my fitness] more just on how I feel and how I feel in my jeans."

Related: Here's What a Perfectly Balanced Weekly Workout Schedule Looks Like

Prioritize Organic Food and Ingredients, Rather Than a Specific Diet

Cavallari prioritizes a garden-to-table diet in a sense, since she is able to grow a lot of vegetables and gather eggs from the chickens she raises. But she doesn't adhere to any specific diet regimen. "I am very health conscious, that's important to me," she states. "I eat a lot of fruit and I definitely eat carbs, healthier carbs." Her low-key food philosophy? "I try to eat food as close to its natural state as possible. Not a lot of processed food, but tons of fruits and vegetables, and meat. I try to eat organic as often as possible. I never look at calories or fat or anything. I only read ingredient labels on a package. I won't eat it if it's just full of a bunch of chemicals. I definitely have a sweet tooth and usually have a piece of dark chocolate after dinner." She recalls that her son, Jaxon, made a complex dessert with cookies, icing, ice cream, and sprinkles the previous night. "I had some of that," she admits. "So I mean, I'm not super strict. If I go out to eat I'll get dessert, just not every night."

On Setting Social Media Boundaries

"Instagram's never been a problem for me. I'm actually kind of in and out. TikTok I'm new to, I joined TikTok two months ago and it's sucked up my time. So that's the one thing I'm like, I need to start setting boundaries for myself and telling myself, put your phone down." She notes that her kids are also in a similar phase with screens. "I have to be like, get off of it, put it down, we're done. It's definitely a constant battle."

She Finds Joy In Involving Her Kids In Routines

Without making it a chore of "must-do," Cavallari encourages her three kids to join her in household activities she enjoys, like taking on chef duty. "Cooking is definitely an area that all three kids enjoy, which makes me so happy," she says. "Even my oldest, I don't know how that happened but I feel very lucky and I think it's very cool that they want to be in the kitchen. It was Jaxon's idea to have each of them make dinner one night this week, which is really fun." Cavallari recalls how much she loves the post-dinner routine. After cleaning up the kitchen, she joins her kids for a walk with their dogs down the driveway. Some nights transition to a game of basketball or Pop-A-Shot.

General Wellness and Parenting Advice

When it comes to wellness advice, Cavallari recommends looking inward. "I think my only advice would be to not listen to other people. I think we have to do what's best for ourselves and only we know what's best for us." She states that it's overly common as a mother for people to give unsolicited advice on things you should or should not be doing. What's her advice for parents? "Listen to your gut about what's best for you and your family, and that's it."

Cavallari's Wellness Must-Haves

• Go-To Activewear Brand: Cavallari is a huge fan of Beyond Yoga. "They're the softest leggings on the planet and they're great if you need to run to the grocery store. They're just a good one to live in essentially. I have no affiliation with them whatsoever. I just love them."

• Fave Hair Product: The health of her signature blond locks is uber important to Cavallari. "I try not to wash it that often...and I love the oil Young Again by Kevin Murphy. I actually had some breakage in my hair about a year ago. I think I was using those shampoos and conditioners that just have too much protein in them." She recalls that her hair began to break, but the oil has helped to get her hair back to optimal health.

• Fall Beauty Must-Have: Cavallari's most excited about the recently introduced Koji Pads and her bestselling (and newly reformulated) Mango Lip Balm.

Part of her post-divorce flow state has entailed putting herself first and reconnecting with what makes her happy. "I've been able to prioritize myself in the last few years. I think it's the best thing that we can do for ourselves and for our families," she says. "And yes, in a way it was forced upon me, but it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. Through anything I choose to look at the positives and that's one really positive that has come out of my divorce."

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Read the original article on Shape.