Kristen Bell wrote an essay about why she tries to be kind instead of nice, and she’s got a point
Kristen Bell recently wrote a must-read essay for Cosmopolitan. In it, Kristen Bell highlights the difference between being kind and being nice. Her husband, Dax Shepard, helped her come to this realization by giving her a healthy dose of honesty. And well, isn’t that what real love is about after all? The difficult-to-say-but-makes-you-better kind of honesty. (And not just rose petals sprinkled on top of the bed. Although that can be quite nice!)
Her essay drives at something we probably all need to hear: The only way to true kindness involves hard truths and the willingness to say them to the ones we love.
In her essay, Kristen talks about how she became increasingly resentful when her success did not line up with the success of other actresses.
She wondered why she wasn’t being considered for the same roles as other actresses. She complained to her friends. And they did what most friends do: They validated her feelings of anger and disappointment.
When Kristen told Dax about this, he refused to give in to her one-woman pity party. Instead, he told her she was on a self-destructive path. The only person she should be comparing herself to is her former self.
Kristen describes her reaction:
“At first, I was defensive, I was expecting to hear, ‘No! You’re worth it. You should feel angry.’ But I didn’t need someone to encourage my feelings of victimization. What I needed was someone to remove me from my echo chamber. He showed me true kindness by putting himself in an uncomfortable position and telling me what I needed to hear instead of what I wanted to hear.”
She goes on to describe how the encounter taught her the difference between “kind” and “nice.”
“It was at that moment I realized being nice isn’t synonymous with being kind. Being kind is more than a smile on the street or donating to charitable causes… Not to dismiss these acts. But kindness is different. Kindness is the high dive. It requires courage and vulnerability to choose to be honest with people when they may not want to hear it.”
Let’s repeat: Kindness is the high dive. Thanks to Kristen’s essay, we now know the difference.
