Kerry Washington Revealed That She Suffered from Panic Attacks at Age 7

“I was dizzied with terror, no ground beneath me."

Kerry Washington is opening up about her childhood trauma for the first time. In her upcoming memoir Thicker Than Water, the actress revealed that she began suffering from panic attacks at just seven years old after overhearing her parents argue at night. 

In an excerpt published by Oprah Daily on Wednesday, Washington recalled how her parents' fights would induce both fear and stress. "From what I remember, most of my parents’ fights were about money, and about the fact that neither of them felt like they were in the marriage they wanted to be in, or more precisely, that they were married to the person they wanted to be married to," Washington wrote in her book, explaining that her mom and dad would wait to shout at each other when they thought she was asleep.

"As a young child, I would lie in bed and listen for signs of how serious each battle was and when it might come to an end... I developed panic attacks at night," Washington wrote, revealing that they started at age 7. "They manifested first as a rhythm of anxiety that encircled my brain, then evolved into a rapid pulsing, a whirling frenzy of metallic thumps, like those nauseating old spinning rides at a county fair. It was the sound of terror, wholly unnatural and unconnected to the rhythms of my heart. I was dizzied with terror, no ground beneath me."

Washington said that even on nights her parents wouldn't bicker, she "trembled at the possibility" of them starting. "Sometimes, I would rock my body back and forth, vibrating, rattling, trying to drown out the pulsing noise and regain control of my body," she said, adding: "Only exhaustion would override the rhythm, lulling me to the dream state beyond my fears." 

Over the years, Washington said she became "more private and withdrawn," and "started to develop a role, a character that would stay with me: The good girl. The perfect child. The solution.” She hoped that her "goodness could inspire a renewed tenderness" between her parents, "which would in turn create more emotional security for me, something that I so desperately needed.” 

Related: Kerry Washington's Denim Dress Had a Surprisingly Sexy Slit

Thicker Than Water, which is set to be released on Sept. 26, will explore how Washington "faced a series of challenges and setbacks, effectively hid childhood traumas, met extraordinary mentors, managed to grow her career, and crossed the threshold into stardom and political advocacy, ultimately discovering her truest self and, with it, a deeper sense of belonging," according to a press release. 

"Writing a memoir is, by far, the most deeply personal project I have ever taken on," Washington told People back in January. "I hope that readers will receive it with open hearts and I pray that it offers new insights and perspectives, and invites people into deeper compassion — for themselves and others."

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